Sad about undiagnosed son

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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Iymnok

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 4:22 am

amother wrote:

Your post gave me the goosebumps because aerial surveillance is what my son wanted to do in the army.

I think I saw a video about it on Aish.com.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 4:24 am

How do I contact Roim Rachok? I cannot google in hebrew. Can anyone help me with this practical problem? embarrassed

amother

Mauve

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 4:30 am

http://www.ono.ac.il/wp-conten.....5.pdf

This was from last year but you can contact them to find out how to apply now.
A few points though: your son needs to already have the medical exemption from the army in hand when he applies. He also needs to be recognized by the NII as an individual with autism.
In other words- you have a long way ahead of you if you choose to pursue this route.
In any case though, you do have to do some diagnostic investigation in order to have him exempted from regular service in the army.
This is how it is in Israel unfortunately, at least for the boys. The army issue really complicates matters, both on the bureaucratic,procedural level and in terms of self-image and how these kids view themselves in relation to their peers.
You can't really not confront the issue.
Girls can just get a matter of fact exemption on religious grounds and then do sherut leumi, no diagnoses needed.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 4:34 am

amother wrote:

Why don't you want him in the army? Because you think he can't handle it? Trust me, if the army thinks he's not fit to serve, they won't draft him.
Think very carefully before you do anything drastic, like volunteer info to the army that he has asperger's. These things cannot be retracted. If you decide in 6 months that you were too rash and he can serve after all, it will be too late.
It seems you are hysterically rushing into this. Especially considering the fact the kid wanted to serve, you should take it slow.
They are not going to put him in a combat unit if he's 'off' in any way. And if they do put him in a combat unit, he can get out of it then.
I suggest postponing service by a year to think things over. I don't think everyone should serve in the army, but because it has such big social implications in Israel, a kid should only get a ptor if he's sure that's what he wants.

We dont have a choice now. His school did an ifchun psych and my son responded inappropriately and the psychologist recommended psychiatrist AND the school sent the ifchun to the army. So I am now realizing that if we dont go for a diagnosis of ASD then he may not get into the army at all. Better ASD than "sociopath". He told the psychologist he wants to be an assassin when he grows up!!

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 4:36 am

Thank you Mauve Amother!

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 4:40 am

Try to rephrase "we don't have a choice now" to "it's ok that's a decision we don't have to make now."

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 4:59 am

amother wrote:

Ouch. First, why did the school send the ivchun? Did they get your permission? Did the army ask for it, or did they volunteer? And since when does a school do an ivchun psych?
He can always say he was joking or something. (Was he? Or does he have violent tendencies?)
Just be aware that with a diagnosis of ASD he won't get into the army either. Exactly the same as 'sociopath'. I think they would both be profil 21.

amother

Mauve

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 4:59 am

I just want to add, having been there, that you should give yourself space and permission to acknowledge that this is a difficult mental and emotional adjustment not only for your son but for you too. It might also be very difficult for your DH to come to terms with the whole army thing.

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 5:10 am

Very good point mauve.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 5:11 am

amother wrote:

The school is for dropouts and they paid for and brought in the psychologist to do the ifchun psych in order to get him full benefits for bagriot. They didn't believe he couldn't read and write until he failed all his first round of tests.

He was not joking about wanting to be an assassin. But he'd also like to be an actor on Game of Thrones. And become the leader of communist china and later take over the world. And when he's done blabbing about all that, he'd be happy to start up a gaming company, be a computer programmer. And regarding the army, he'd like to fly the drones, or at least watch them. In fact, he said he'd be perfect for drone surveillance because he can stare at a screen for hours.

His violence is all in his head. He took a krav magav class, expecting to be a natural, and wasn't. He lacks coordination for most sports. He never gets angry, even when he was little and had to fight other boys. He does air violence where he pretends to slash throats and stab and slash things with an invisible sword. That, is the extent of his violence.

He recently got angry because I didn't follow the weekly menu plan, and he said in his even keel, "This menu is not true, so I'm taking it down." That, for him, was a shout. I was laughing hysterically in my mind. He's precious!!

amother

Mauve

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 5:12 am

amother wrote:

Actually, the army still differentiates between 'regular autism' and ASD and will take the kids with ASD and give them a 45 profile. This allows them to work in a warehouse or do some very low level office work. No security clearance of any sort and no access to weapons. No courses or options for promotion to anything better. It's a frustrating dead-end for most of these kids who are bright and not getting any intellectual stimulation while at the same time having to contend with the rigid army framework and deal with the social aspect that can be difficult for even the most normative kids who might have never interacted with people from social backgrounds that are different to their own.
Usually the army, realizing the difficulty, will in effect allow the kids with ASD to choose whether they want to serve with a 45 profile or just get a medical exemption (21 profile) and then they can volunteer if they want. Most of the bright kids opt for an exemption.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 5:15 am

Oh gee, I got off on a nachas blab. Sorry.

Am I to understand that the school had no right to send that ifchun to the army?

They now told me that that same psychologist has a right to speak to the psychiatrist that we are going to in the near future. Is that true?

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 5:32 am

Please remember and take onboard -
The school, the psychologist, the psychiatrist: None of them have any independent power. Don't worry. It's really all for the best. What has happened was meant to happen. It's going to be ok

Chana Miriam S

Wed, Aug 24 2016, 9:54 am

amother wrote:

My big boy is turning 17 soon. Already!!! I cant believe it. He grew up so fast.

I am so sad about how things turned out for him.

It seems, he has Aspergers.

I found a checklist online and he, himself, agreed that he fits it.

How did I miss this, all these years???

Now, when he has to go into the army, I'm panicking. He cannot go in as a regular soldier. He went to a pre-army week long stint and stood at attention at every opportunity, even when inappropriate to do so.

He talks like a 12 year old at times, and other times he scares me because of the things he says. Then my friend told me, Aspies dont have a filter and will say everything they think. That's so him.

I still recall the little boy who came home from cheder and said his best friend is the spider by his desk.

How do I let go of my disappointment?

If you want to talk, please pm me. I have a 20 yr old who wants to make Aliyah and actually know quite a lot about asd and the army.

Also there is an amazing Yeshiva programme at har etzion called Darkaynu. It's awesome.

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Aug 25 2016, 2:28 am

How are you doing OP?

(side point - just as well Yael invented the amother colors or this thread would be very hard to follow!)

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