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How not to overspend?
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Sat, Aug 27 2016, 9:07 pm
This is a little complicated to explain, but I'm trying to sort out my thoughts.

My husband and I write out a basic monthly budget every year.

For example:
$1500-food
$2000-tuition
$100-toys/entertainment
$500-clothing
Etc....

And then we try to keep to it. My husband basically pays all set expenses like tuition, insurance, utilities, and so on...

I pay for food, clothing, household items, cleaning help, tutoring, extracurricular, co pays, etc... Basically, the daily living expenses.

As you all know, these are non set expenses that vary from month to month. For example, in August I spend a ton on clothing and shoes for the new year, while in November and December I spend barely anything on clothing. Some months the kids keep going to the doctor, and then sometimes they don't go for months. Yom tov months, food is more expensive. You get the picture.

My husband will look over the credit card bill and say, "in August you went way over budget, you spent over $1000 on clothing, why don't you stick to the budget?"

Me: "it's okay. I went $400 under budget on food, $100 under on cleaning help, and I didn't take the kids for pizza all summer. In the end, it comes out to the same amount."

For some reason, my husband still gets a bit annoyed.

Anyway, for quite awhile I've been telling him that we should open a separate account for me and decide on a specific amount that will get deposited each month. Then I can use my "income" to buy whatever we need without feeling like all my spending choices are being judged, and I will still be sticking to a budget. Another benefit to this method is that if I go under budget I will be able to see the money I saved and see that my efforts to be careful actually paid off.

Anyway, my husband FINALLY agreed.

My question is, how do I force myself to stick the budget? When push comes to shove, if I go over, my husband will "bail me out."

I am looking for tips to get myself to not buy that extra adorable shabbos outfit for my baby, and not buy a pie of pizza for supper because I'm tired, and not buy my son the new Lego set just because he wants it. I also want to give myself some allowances and not feel stifled, like I can never buy a luxury. How do I create the balance?

I see lots of frugal tips on here. Please help me out! How do people stop themselves from spending money?

Just to be clear, I'm not a crazy maniac that spends tons of money that I don't have. But I definitely do buy plenty of things I can do without and I am trying to change my habits and mentality of it's just a few more dollars...
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Amarante




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Aug 27 2016, 10:21 pm
You need to create your own budget first which should include the necessities you are required to pay for.

If yiu feel you can't control your impulses to buy unnecessary items, don't carry a credit card and use only cash. Don't go into stores or window shop as an activity.

But the first step is writing down everything you need to pay for so you will have a sense of how much discretionary income you have. Cute outfits are discretionary. If yiu are a SAHM, take out is discretionary but if yiu are a working mother, it's not or at least realistically most working mothers need to do it sometimes.

If yiu wants to free up money for cute outfits, then takeout has to go and therefore you need to figure out strategies to get dinner on the table when yiu are exhausted so maybe yiu are willing to spend a Sunday every month or so to huge huge amounts of freezable dinners or compromise and buy ready made pizza dough which is almost as easy as takeout with a bagged green salad.

But really no one can advise you on how to spend your money until you sit down and figure out exactly how much you have. You would then figure out your personal priorities for spending discretionary income.

And like any budget, yiu should save at least 10% which can then be used for those inevitable times when yiu need to spend more.
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Sat, Aug 27 2016, 10:36 pm
Thanks for responding. You are so right about the window shopping. I am a sahm and I often go on long walks with my baby. I go I just to look, but I always walk out with shopping bags. I can't give up my walks, but I guess I have to give up my window shopping.
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Amarante




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Aug 27 2016, 10:39 pm
amother wrote:
Thanks for responding. You are so right about the window shopping. I am a sahm and I often go on long walks with my baby. I go I just to look, but I always walk out with shopping bags. I can't give up my walks, but I guess I have to give up my window shopping.


Go for walks but don't take credit cards. 😜

I used to like to go to the mall to walk because it was climate controlled and I would sit and people watch but I didn't tempt myself by actually going into stores.
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busydev




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Aug 27 2016, 10:48 pm
check out YNAB (youneedabudget.com)

they have a free 34 day trail which you can use to get their ideas even if you dont use it past then. tho its likely worth the $5 a month imo.

basically you have to take all those expenses that vary and save up for them all year. so yes I buy clothes in september and in march, but every month I put aside money for clothing and it carries over so by march I have enough money to fund a summer wardrobe for my whole family. (or more sometimes) same thing with extra yt expense, food, vacation, toys, misc/personal spending money, cleaning help, takeout, medical, etc, etc.

its basically like envelope budgeting just on the computer (or your smart phone or tablet) instead of actual envelopes where you would put a portion of money into the clothes envelope, the groceries envelope, the vacation envelope etc every month even if you dont use it and then have a full envelope when needed. and if theres no or not enough money in the envelope (or category on ynab) then you dont buy whatever it is. you can of course move money from one envelope to another BUT it forces you to do it consciously - ok I can take money out of take out and get more clothes but then nothing left for pizza this month.
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baby12x




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Aug 27 2016, 10:54 pm
Envelope system like said above. A certain amount each month is put aside but it carries over month to month
And
CASH, only cash. Don't use credit cards for non-fixed expenses.
Some bank account actually let you create a bunch of account so you can keep money seperate. That way you put aside the money each paycheck and you don't ever spend more than is on the account. If you decide to take some from one account to the other you can but then you have less to spend for the other category
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Aug 27 2016, 11:27 pm
You could adapt this to paper or whatever you're using, but mint has taught me a couple of tricks you can work into your budget. There's an option of rollover, which means if you spend under budget one month then the leftover automatically gets added to the next month. There's also an option of expenses that only need to get paid once in a while but goes into your budget every month as glue much you need to save that month to add up to the next payment.

So for example, I have clothing budget roll over because some times of year I send nite and some less. I start off with a capped amount keeping things under control but if I haven't bought anything in a while then I'll have more to spend. I also have a rollover set for gas, because while the amount I use is fairly consistent, the timing may vary so that it might look like I spent twice one month and none the next, so the rollover makes that not get confusing.
The other option is for example if you don't usually have room in your budget for an extra $800 but you know that sometime in the spring your kids' schools are going to ask for registration fees for next year, you set into your monthly budget an amount to reserve for that so you'll have it available when the time comes.
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Sun, Aug 28 2016, 7:22 am
Thanks for all the replies. The envelope idea is something that sounds like it will help me.

Here's my question:

Let's say my budget for clothing $500 a month, but really I can buy my kids cheap clothes and only spend $200, what's to stop me from spending the money even though it's there?

Amarantes suggestion of no window shopping is a start, but realistically, I do walk down the avenue and I do go into stores sometimes. How to stop myself from looking at all the lovely racks of clothing and jewelry? What should be my incentive?
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Amarante




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 28 2016, 7:40 am
amother wrote:
Thanks for all the replies. The envelope idea is something that sounds like it will help me.

Here's my question:

Let's say my budget for clothing $500 a month, but really I can buy my kids cheap clothes and only spend $200, what's to stop me from spending the money even though it's there?

Amarantes suggestion of no window shopping is a start, but realistically, I do walk down the avenue and I do go into stores sometimes. How to stop myself from looking at all the lovely racks of clothing and jewelry? What should be my incentive?


You stop yourself by being an adult and seeing your finances in the big picture. All of the talk about envelopes is an attempt to get people to view their money as real and finite.

If you spend money on x, you have no money for y so you decide which is more important to you.

People set tangible goals like wanting to take a vacation so they would rather save the $300 and put it towards a vacation.

At a certain point, you have to be a parent to yourself and say no just as you might say no to eating a big piece of cake if you want to lose weight.

Yiu don't seem to have accepted personal responsibility for being the parent in charge of your spending but in some way are looking for your husband parent to discipline you and come to ur financial rescue.

It's a skill that is learned. I grew up in a home that wasn't rich but was comfortable and I really didn't have a budget. I didn't have unlimited clothing budget but my mother gave me her credit cards and within reason I bought what I wanted. It was a BIG adjustment when I had to start supporting myself 😀😱😱 and I stumbled of course. Luckily not big time where I had was hugely in debt but definitely above my means.

I realized that I hated paying off for dinners I had eaten last year with interest and that the closets were filled with stuff I had bought on a whim. Terrible but I had stuff with tags on. My weakness was the bargain as I would tell myself how much I was saving to justify something I didn't need 🙀😱😀

As to window shopping, don't carry credit cards. As others have posted, cash in envelopes is a great way to train yourself not to spend. Eventually you internalize. Now I charge everything and pay it back each month because to me I can't afford it if I can't pay it back.

I also have internalized the bigger picture of my financial priorities. Do I really need another shmatta or would I rather save for a beautiful piece of furniture or a super comfortable mattress or a lovely vacation.


Last edited by Amarante on Sun, Aug 28 2016, 7:44 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Sun, Aug 28 2016, 7:43 am
Think of the fact that if you don't spend the money you can start to build a savings account.

If you asked for a separate account its going to be unpleasant to ask your husband to bail you out. He will not be happy to do that. If your a sahm, being frugal and careful with his money is your way of helping him.

What motivates me is the idea that if I'm careful, I'll have money when I need it. My son can go without a lego set, we have plenty. The baby is more adorable than any outfit. Those little things really add up
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Tel Tzion Ima




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 28 2016, 7:59 am
If you don't carry your credit card with you, then you can't buy anything when you take a walk.

$500 a month for clothes? Wow. I don't think I even spend that per year. So if you buy second hand or on sale, why not put the extra into some other envelope that needs it? What about giving that money back to your husband so he can save it? Sounds like he doesn't overspend, or did I miss something?

When you have too much cash sitting around or the ability to use a credit card, you just spend, spend, spend. If you feel limited, maybe just a week's worth of cash at your disposal at a time, you'll think through more before you spend. If you have $500 a week, let's say, you're not going to spend it all on clothes, bcse then what will you do for the rest of your expenses that week.

We live on a really tight budget, so I know I can't buy anything cute or get the toy my kids want bcse then there won't be groceries later on in the month. My wallet's been empty since Friday, there's no wiggle room in the bank account to write a check, and we don't have credit cards.

I work, and there's no take out. It's not financially an option and DH is currently a vegan, no sugar, whole food diet for health reasons and DD1 is celiac, so that really cuts down on options. Why not try cereal and milk or PB&J sandwiches when you're too tired to cook? There's a lot of ways to make meals easy without spending on take out.

If you had a fixed amount with no bail out, you'd likely learn how to keep yourself in check. IMO, people who always get bailed out (whatever the situation) never learn.
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Sun, Aug 28 2016, 1:31 pm
I am thinking of $4500 a month. How much is reasonable to spend and save from that?

We are 2 adults, 2 kids, and one toddler that eats very little.

Expenses are:
Food
Clothing/shoes
Extra curricular actives for kids
Date nights
Pizza/restaurant/takeout
Gifts
Household
Pharmacy
Baby gear
Dentist
Doctor
Tutoring
Cleaning lady
Occasional babysitter
Miscellaneous
Tzedakah
Toys/books/entertainment

I would also like to put away for a vacation for next summer. Thanks!
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twogees




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 28 2016, 2:31 pm
I use YNAB and find it VERY helpful. I would suggest getting the free trial to see how the program works for you and then either stay with the program or adapt the rules they have to your own excel spreadsheet. you can pm me if you want help.
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HonesttoGod




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 28 2016, 5:26 pm
Cash. When it is done it is done.
THe end.
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Sun, Aug 28 2016, 5:29 pm
HonesttoGod wrote:
Cash. When it is done it is done.
THe end.


This is the ONLY real, effective idea. In all the others it's easy to cheat.
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Sun, Aug 28 2016, 5:32 pm
HonesttoGod wrote:
Cash. When it is done it is done.
THe end.


But I don't want it to be done. I want to save. I want to curb my spending before it is done.
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Sun, Aug 28 2016, 5:46 pm
If I had $500 a month to spend on clothing I'd be able to put away $480 a month. lol. I can't imagine $500 for clothing in one month, wow.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 29 2016, 1:45 am
Open another account to save for "something" choose a big ticket item. Any leftover goes there. You don't need to actually purchase it.
I know a boy who used to buy a Starbucks drink every day for $3-$5 on the way home from school. He stopped for a year putting the value of the drink aside. He bought himself a nice sound system worth a few hundred dollars.

Having a goal is helpful. Every penny can help reach it.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 29 2016, 3:10 am
things like clothes should really be an annual expense - eg you spend $500 on clothing per child per year. This can be spent any time.
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Mon, Aug 29 2016, 5:35 am
Raisin wrote:
things like clothes should really be an annual expense - eg you spend $500 on clothing per child per year. This can be spent any time.


I don't see how that's possible. Can you break it down for me?

I just spent $350 yesterday. I made an online order for basic school pants, socks and underwear. Also, a couple of tees for the baby. Clothing costs money! And I am definitely not interested in buying second hand.
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