Anyone ever actually helped by chesed girls?

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 7:28 am

So many posts every day about mothers not managing, unplanned pregnancies etc and inevitably someone suggests chesed girls. Now, I live in a big frum community with lots of girls schools and I don't know anyone who gets chesed girls. Nor was I ever a chesed girl when I was in school, I filled my chesed hours with tomchei Shabbos and such, I don't think anyone went to people's homes. And even if you did get someone to come, does that one hour really help? I mean ok, if you need help, every little bit counts, but in this world where there is so much pain and dysfunction, its not a solution. I don't know what the solution is, but when people throw out the chesed girl suggestion, it just seems so, I don't know what. Insufficient. Almost laughable. Where are the mythical girls and do they actually help?

watergirl

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 7:31 am

I did this in highschool. I went to a coed highschool and a guy and I were sent 2/week to a family to help the kids with their homework. We often stayed far longer than the hour because they needed more than that. It was fine for us, the mother was more than happy to sign off that we had completed more than the one hour per day, and both the guy and I were hoping to get a merit scholarship that required over a zillion hours of volunteer work anyway, so we figured it would be a win win situation.

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 7:57 am

Definitely been helped. At one point, I had five girls (or sets of girls) coming each week: one on Shabbos, who often overstayed, and one each weekday Monday through Thursday at 5pm. And for one year we had Sunday too. The local high school has a complete chesed program, including girls who get their hours from driving around taking the girls to and from the houses they go to.

It was a lifeline. They took my SN kid and I could pay more attention to the others. I was still busy, but way calmer. When I had a baby who was fussy around then, they would hold the baby most of the time, because that was the help I needed, and I was free for the others. Pairs sometimes took my SN kid AND the baby. Plus, the girls gave my other kids attention too, and became real role models for my girls.

amother

Brown

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 8:23 am

I did 4 hours a week in high school with a friend( 4 hours a week x 2 pairs of hands get a lot done, Bais Yaakov in Israel)

I did 8 hours a week (2 hours x 4 a week) as a seminary student and I worked really hard, the mom had a special needs kid so she would take a nap and I would watch the kid and the baby, fold laundry, clear up /do sponja, do meal prep (sift flower, peel/cut vegtable....) do dishes, feed SN child.

I think you need to reach out to Bikur Cholim or to the school chessed organizers to get the help.

notshanarishona

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 8:32 am

I went to two different families in high school and I know many people who have been helped.
I think it depends on the school (some schools give the girls different options of chessed) and it depends on the community.
In E"Y, almost everyone I know who was not wealthy who had more than 3 kids had at least one chessed girl.

cnc

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 8:53 am

I went to do Chesed at a family throughout high school. I always stayed longer than the allotted hour. I helped the children with homework. I built a relationship with the family especially the mother who is an amazing person. The parents even came to my wedding.

flowerpower

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 11:33 am

My friend in Lakewood gets girls a few times a week. She has 2 special kids so it really helps her.

In high school I was a chessed girl throughout all 4 years. I helped with homework and at another house helped a ton!!!! Folded laundry, bathed the kids, put them to bed.....The mom had weak nerves and really needed that extra hand. I remember once breathing a sigh of relief after my partner and I got them to be quiet in bed( after a long afternoon). The mom comes racing into the room that there's an hachnosas sefer torah and we should quickly dress the kids 😈

cnc

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 11:49 am

flowerpower wrote:

Oh my goodness Banging head

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 12:07 pm

I used to help a mother who had a bad back, by bathing her four kids every Thursday evening and getting them into pajamas. A friend of mine would go bathe them on Monday evenings. Even now, 25 years later, whenever I meet her, she thanks me for coming to her rescue back then.

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 12:41 pm

I remember in high school that the girls who watched the kids would go to their Chessed jobs- the ones who were asked to do dishes and mop the floors would usually skip it because that's not what they were comfortable doing. It depends what u have them do when they come, that will determine if they continue to come. Personally, I did tutoring for my Chessed.

mha3484

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 12:48 pm

I don't qualify for chesed hours but I can totally see how it benefits the kids and mother. A good friend of mine has such a warm relationship with the girl who did chesed for her when her kids were small and her kids are older teens and adults now.

My older child goes to OT once a week at the local childrens hospital. Babysitters are not in my budget so DH has to take both kids. He told me that a volunteer sits and plays with the toddler during older DS' appointment.

nywife

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 12:51 pm

When I was in high school we had to do 2 hours a week at an assigned family. We would help the mom out with whatever she needed- hw, playing outside with the children, feeding supper, chopping vegetables, cleaning dishes etc. TBH, it wasn't always so easy for us, so I'd like to think we made a difference.
Also, there were certain families who had girls come over every night of the week. I guess it was dependent on specific circumstances.

UnFarvosNischt

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 12:52 pm

In sem I went for few hours each week to a family.
I folded laundry (I think it was the laundry of the whole week), did the ironing, prepared the kugels...
I don't know how much it helped the mother but I wish someone would come now and do the same to me lol!

amother

Teal

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 12:52 pm

I went to HS in Chicago and went to people's homes once a week every week. I felt very needed and did all sorts of things.
One family I took out the kids while the mother had a few minutes to get supper together.
Another family I went Thursday nights and did a lot of the shabbos prep while the mother had a few minutes to spend time with her children and feed them supper.
Im pretty sure they had a rule that chessed girls would not bathe kids.
I can't imagine a chessed girl washing floors, I don't think that would ever fly.
If I ever needed extra help I would definitely consider this an option.
If it's a family that needs a lot of help (I.e. Lots of kids or SN) they would usually send 2 girls together and some families got twice a week.

amother

Denim

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 1:02 pm

I have been helped tremendously by chesed girls. As a mother of a special needs child, I had a girl come every Thursday to wash my floors. At another time, I had a girl come take my kids to the park on Thursday afternoons so I could cook for Shabbos. Both were a huge help.

HonesttoGod

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 1:12 pm

Op do you live in NYC?
I find that the girls here, it is beneath them to help. Unless the school has it as part of a program but I have yet to find a school in my area that does this.

Growing up not only was I a helping girl 2 night a week, I also went to someone on Friday to help her make shabbs and would regularly babysit. It was how I saved up money to buy myself extras for my wedding and tickets to go visit friends in other cities.
For me to find a high school girl to babysit for me these days is like pulling teeth Sad

dina22

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 1:25 pm

HonesttoGod wrote:

I love how everyone stereotypes NYC girls- guess what? I went twice a week to an elderly neighbor in her 70's and cleaned and cooked and helped her prepare for Shabbos. I didn't get paid ever- there was no way she could afford it. I'm from Flatbush and I'm a very typical, "steortypical" Flatbush girl. many of friends also did Chessed of their own volition. None of us found it beneath us to help- most girls wouldn't. They just don't all have that extra time, between helping out at home and homework and spending time with friends.

amother

Ecru

Mon, Aug 29 2016, 2:36 pm

I used to pay half the going rate for a girl to come over every day to help me. every year a different girl for several years.
I was uncomfortable taking chessed, and didnt want the girl to cancel on me because she was working for free.

so I would pay her $6 a day for an hour a day but she usually stayed for 2 hours.
she came over 5 days a week, around 2 hours a day. and I paid $30/week
I know its not a lot of money, but the girls used to feel good that they were doing a chessed, and earning pocket money. and we built a friendly easygoing relationship.
and I didnt feel guilty asking for help since I was paying for the help.

worked for me. and really saved me during the years when I had 4 under 4.

you have no idea how much I appreciated this.