Sandek- boys side or girls side?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants

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NurseK

Wed, Aug 31 2016, 12:36 pm

Is there a rule about who is sandek at the bris for the first son? BH, DH and I both have living grandfathers.

watergirl

Wed, Aug 31 2016, 12:43 pm

The only rule is to do what works for you and husband. Dont listen to other shtusim.

NurseK

Wed, Aug 31 2016, 12:47 pm

But how do I choose?

happybeingamom

Wed, Aug 31 2016, 12:56 pm

Are you part of a kehila or yeshiva because usually they have their own custom.

Many for the first son the father's father gets it and the next son the mother's father gets it. Some would give it to a grandfather. This is really up to you.

The minhag that I know most people keep once a person gets sandak for one brother he does not get it again for any boys born in that family.

LittleDucky

Wed, Aug 31 2016, 1:02 pm

Whatever won't cause a problem. Sholom is more important than an honorarium.

Is he being named for one side? Maybe pick from the other side. Has someone not had it before?

mommy3b2c

Wed, Aug 31 2016, 1:02 pm

The rule is as follows:

You and your husband discuss it and do what you want.

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Aug 31 2016, 1:05 pm

By my first son we asked what to do and we're told because of kibbud available my dh has to offer it to his father. His father can refuse or pass it along which he did. Fil said to give it to my grandfather.
If you don't know what to do, ask for guidance

amother

Natural

Wed, Aug 31 2016, 1:55 pm

Didn't know there r rules. By first son I gave it to fill. I wanted my father to have it but he gave it to fil and my parents were kvatter. My baby is yellow now but hopefully making a bris in the next week or so and I am giving it to my father. If he doesn't want it I have no idea who I will give it to.

imaima

Wed, Aug 31 2016, 2:15 pm

NurseK wrote:

Is there a rule about who is sandek at the bris for the first son? BH, DH and I both have living grandfathers.

Who are the boy and girl in this post??? You are mother and father!

agreer

Wed, Aug 31 2016, 2:16 pm

Also depends on the name, other kibbudim... if one side is getting the name, perhaps give the sandeka'us to the other side?
Or, give one side sandek, one side krias hashaim

amother

Puce

Wed, Aug 31 2016, 2:28 pm

There is something don't quote me where it's more of a mitzvah for dh to honor his father so man is supposed to honor his father first. Many times if name is given for girls side then boy's father will give it up because he would rather be sandek for his name.

Also many times if there is a livimg grandfather both fathers will give it up to honor grandfather.

I know by me we were using my fathers father name but dh offered it to his father and of course he declined and gave it to my father. It's an honor to be sandek while actual child is named after your parents. And krias Hashem next best kavod we gave to my fathers brother.

gold21

Wed, Aug 31 2016, 5:10 pm

Isn't there like a secondary-Sandek position as well, like you can give Sandek to one grandfather and the secondary-Sandek position to the other grandfather? Honestly I have no clue lol. All the kibbudim are confusing.

flowerpower

Wed, Aug 31 2016, 6:37 pm

Rules? Don't think there are any. It's your decision.

essie14

Thu, Sep 01 2016, 9:29 am

watergirl wrote:

The only rule is to do what works for you and husband. Dont listen to other shtusim.

Couldn't have said it better myself

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