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DH touch baby bump?
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Wed, Aug 31 2016, 12:46 pm
What is the etiquette for touching/putting hand on wife's pregnant stomach in front of other people? Is it disgusting? Its my first pregnancy and baby just started kicking. DH loves to feel it kick and it makes him feel involved
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 31 2016, 12:49 pm
Are you asking about your husband touching your stomach, or other people?

I think it's appropriate for your husband to feel your tummy. Of course he wants to feel his baby kick!

I personally didn't feel comfortable with other people touching my tummy (maybe my mom, but only when I offered) but that's highly individual
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 31 2016, 1:03 pm
It sounds like OP is just uncomfortable with her DH doing this in public.

OP, I think it's fine to tell DH that this touch feels too intimate for doing in front of others, even though you are fully clothed.

Try wearing concealing items, so that he can't see the movement. And give him lots of opportunities to do it in private.

You are wise to encourage his involvement. Once the baby comes, it will be nice to have him take on much more than touching your stomach.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 31 2016, 1:04 pm
perhaps it's private to touch your pregnant belly in public ... unless it's just family ...
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 31 2016, 1:09 pm
There may not be a law against it, but people of sensitivity to matters of privacy and tzniut may find it to be in questionable taste. As you know, many people refrain from public displays of affection , even avoiding holding hands in public. While caressing your baby bump is, perhaps, more in the way of an expression of affection for your future heir, or even just plain interest in his or her well-being and development, nevertheless it is a form of physical contact many people would consider to be unseemly in public.
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Amarante




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 31 2016, 1:12 pm
I don't think it's inappropriate but the issue is whether you feel uncomfortable.

If you feel uncomfortable, then discuss reasonably with DH and explain why and which situations aren't making you uncomfortable. Maybe family versus friends etc.

I don't think there is something s:exual about a husband touching his clothed wife's stomach when a baby is kicking. It wouldn't make me uncomfortable to see a husband do that in my presence.
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sweetpotato




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 31 2016, 3:07 pm
I think many people would consider it to be an intimate kind of touch (not on the same level as making out, but like rubbing one's shoulders or holding hands). If you don't do that kind of touching in public, then your husband should understand why it makes you feel uncomfortable.

FWIW, I felt embarrassed when my husband touched my pregnant stomach in public and would tell him to please not do it. My husband doesn't kiss or otherwise touch me intimately in public but would still sometimes rub my stomach or pat it; he said it was hard to resist.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 31 2016, 3:36 pm
Your dh must be young and carefree still. Tell him that you feel uncomfy with him touching you in public. He should respect that.
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lavender_dew




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 01 2016, 1:17 pm
First of all, I think it's wonderful that your husband is so interested in the baby. If you're uncomfortable with him doing it in public, try to mention it without hurting his feelings. He's just a proud daddy-to-be! And maybe when you're home alone, lying on the bed or the couch, etc, you can cuddle and let him have his moments with Baby then Smile
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 01 2016, 4:46 pm
zaq wrote:
There may not be a law against it, but people of sensitivity to matters of privacy and tzniut may find it to be in questionable taste. As you know, many people refrain from public displays of affection , even avoiding holding hands in public. While caressing your baby bump is, perhaps, more in the way of an expression of affection for your future heir, or even just plain interest in his or her well-being and development, nevertheless it is a form of physical contact many people would consider to be unseemly in public.


Unseemly, really? I can't relate to this way of thinking.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 01 2016, 8:09 pm
dancingqueen wrote:
Unseemly, really? I can't relate to this way of thinking.


Maybe you can't, but if a person considers holding hands in public to be inappropriate, you really can't see how they'd consider a man's petting his wife's abdomen in public inappropriate?
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Seas




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 01 2016, 8:37 pm
It's more than 'inappropriate'. It's halachically assur to do a loving act (of the kind that is usually only done between spouses/lovers) in front of other people.
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 01 2016, 8:40 pm
But mothers, sisters, and girl friends also touch the baby bump. It's not exclusive to the husband.
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 01 2016, 8:56 pm
Seas wrote:
It's more than 'inappropriate'. It's halachically assur to do a loving act (of the kind that is usually only done between spouses/lovers) in front of other people.


This is likely something you were taught and based on your hashkafah. But be aware that there are frum women in this site who have different hashkafah and don't hold (in fact for me, never learned or heard) of loving acts being 'assur' in front of other people
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Seas




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 01 2016, 9:03 pm
pesek zman wrote:
This is likely something you were taught and based on your hashkafah. But be aware that there are frum women in this site who have different hashkafah and don't hold (in fact for me, never learned or heard) of loving acts being 'assur' in front of other people


You mean never before this day. Now you have learned and heard it. It's a clear halacha in SA.

Here you have it in an article by Rav Mordechai Eliyahu - not farfrumt or chassidish by any measure.

י"א דאין לנהוג אפילו עם אשתו בדברים של חבה, כגון לעיין ברישיה אם יש לו כינים, בפני אחרים".

ואנו לא נוהגים להקל.

אסור לאדם להראות חיבה לאשתו בפרהסיא במקום שיש בני אדם.

http://www.yeshiva.org.il/midrash/4124


Same from another Mizrachi rav:
תוכן השאלה:
בס"ד.

שלום וברכה!
רציתי לדעת האם מותר לבני זוג נשואים להראות חיבה ביניהם בציבור?ואם לא היכן מופיעה הלכה?

בשורות טובות =


תוכן התשובה:
בס"ד
שלום רב,
קיצור שלחן ערוך סימן קנב סעיף יא
"אין לנהוג אפילו עם אשתו בדברים של חבה, כגון לעיין ברישיה וכדומה בפני אחרים, שלא יבא הרואה לידי הרהור".


התשובה התקבלה מהרב גלעד שטראוס
בתאריך כ"ו שבט תשע"א

http://www.kipa.co.il/ask/show.....D7%92
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Seas




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 01 2016, 9:06 pm
sequoia wrote:
But mothers, sisters, and girl friends also touch the baby bump. It's not exclusive to the husband.


I didn't mean acts of love exclusive to spouses, only the kind that signifies intimacy (to differentiate from say lovingly giving someone a ride).
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 01 2016, 9:13 pm
Seas wrote:
You mean never before this day. Now you have learned and heard it. It's a clear halacha in SA.

Here you have it in an article by Rav Mordechai Eliyahu - not farfrumt or chassidish by any measure.

י"א דאין לנהוג אפילו עם אשתו בדברים של חבה, כגון לעיין ברישיה אם יש לו כינים, בפני אחרים".

ואנו לא נוהגים להקל.

אסור לאדם להראות חיבה לאשתו בפרהסיא במקום שיש בני אדם.

http://www.yeshiva.org.il/midrash/4124


Same from another Mizrachi rav:
תוכן השאלה:
בס"ד.

שלום וברכה!
רציתי לדעת האם מותר לבני זוג נשואים להראות חיבה ביניהם בציבור?ואם לא היכן מופיעה הלכה?

בשורות טובות =


תוכן התשובה:
בס"ד
שלום רב,
קיצור שלחן ערוך סימן קנב סעיף יא
"אין לנהוג אפילו עם אשתו בדברים של חבה, כגון לעיין ברישיה וכדומה בפני אחרים, שלא יבא הרואה לידי הרהור".


התשובה התקבלה מהרב גלעד שטראוס
בתאריך כ"ו שבט תשע"א

http://www.kipa.co.il/ask/show.....D7%92


I find your post to be patronizing. Thank you for taking it upon yourself to cite sources of rabbis that I've never heard of.

I'm Ashkenaz MO. My position isn't unusual or unheard of in my community, though I see it must be in yours. We likely travel in very different circles. I'm not going to get into a back and forth with you about this: neither of us are going to change the mind of the other so there is no point.
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Seas




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 01 2016, 9:32 pm
pesek zman wrote:
I find your post to be patronizing. Thank you for taking it upon yourself to cite sources of rabbis that I've never heard of.

I'm Ashkenaz MO. My position isn't unusual or unheard of in my community, though I see it must be in yours. We likely travel in very different circles. I'm not going to get into a back and forth with you about this: neither of us are going to change the mind of the other so there is no point.


I found yours to be patronizing so there you go.

There is a world of difference between a 'custom' that was created by ignorance or apathy to halacha, and one created by a different shitta in halacha. Rabbi Strauss whom I quoted above is an Ashkenazi MO rabbi, as is the entire Kipa site.
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Thu, Sep 01 2016, 9:38 pm
OP here.
I actually didn't mean that I am uncomfotable with it. I think its sweet and love that hes involved!
Its other people (our siblings mostly) that have said to us "ew" and "thats disgusting do that in private"
I was very taken aback.
He just puts his hand on my stomach. Doesn't caress it or anything weird.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Thu, Sep 01 2016, 10:48 pm
amother wrote:
OP here.
I actually didn't mean that I am uncomfotable with it. I think its sweet and love that hes involved!
Its other people (our siblings mostly) that have said to us "ew" and "thats disgusting do that in private"
I was very taken aback.
He just puts his hand on my stomach. Doesn't caress it or anything weird.


really your family reacted like that?? I think it's adorable and I loved when my hubby did that! I'd tell the family to grow up! Though maybe things are different in different communities as far as what's appropriate or not.
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