School refusal | Imamother

amother

Linen

Sun, Sep 04 2016, 11:28 pm

Good evening!
Im up in arms here. I knew my ds would have this issue. I met with my ped in the summer he advise me be firm amd consistent and basically give no choice. Its like drag into school and dump! Good bye.
So school has started and its really awful. Hes having such a hard time. Every morning its a battle and a struggle he sais terrible words and curses as we drag him in.
I made sure to put him into a small school setting he is in pre1a.
I am afraid the school will give up on me and throw my kid out.
The nt before he starts to threaten he wont go to school he works himself up.
I hear once he is there after the first couple hrs hes ok.
Any advice to make this go smoother?Besides its also giving me tons of stress and its completely embarrassing what comes out of his mouth. embarrassed

What should I do?
Thanks in advance
Amother embarrassed

amother

Pearl

Sun, Sep 04 2016, 11:33 pm

My ds did the same. The rebbe had to hold him so I can leave. DS was fine minutes after I left and was happy at pickup time.

The rebbe made a chart. When ds came to class without crying he got a check. He earned prizes and when he earned alot of checks ds was allowed to bring a treat for the class, just like by his birthday. It took time and patience.

imasinger

Sun, Sep 04 2016, 11:35 pm

Assuming that he has no reason to act out, you have thoroughly researched this school, and there is every reason for him to be happy, teachers are kind and understanding, routine is predictable, etc. So, if this is all attention seeking behavior.

How do you respond to his drama?

Best to give it as little attention as possible. Focus on the behavior that you want, instead.

"School isn't a choice. For every 15 minutes you don't complain about it, I'm going to give you a sticker. 10 stickers, and you get a reward."

Give tons of praise for each sticker earned. The idea is to get an easy prize the first day, and gradually stretch the time until he isn't complaining at all.

Hatzlacha! Hope he gets settled soon!

israeli83

Mon, Sep 05 2016, 1:00 pm

amother wrote:

Yes he has issues with new settings. He is not the most social this is a new school for him.
Good idea I will ask the school to give him incentives.

My son is the same way! He's starting Pre-K this week and I have a feeling he'll give me a hard time. I'm trying to prepare him for that day and I mention to him that soon he'll have fun at the new school. But right away he's telling me he's not going etc. I even told him that if he goes on the 1st day, he'll get a big gift when he comes home..but right now he's just very stubborn. My boy is a VERY stubborn boy and he's also not too social (he's tri-lingual). On the other hand, his big brother is also not too social, but he's a good boy and doesn't seem to mind going to a new school. Every child has a different temperament. Maybe just keep on giving him prizes if he goes to school and listens to you. I know how hard and annoying this must be! My boy did it last year at his nursery school and soon I'm expecting more resistance. I'm going to have to drag him to school on one hand and the other hand I'm holding my baby! Hopefully there are good teachers over there to help. Anyway, sorry I don't have much advice since I'm on the same boat. Just don't give up hope..he'll grow out of it.

SRS

Mon, Sep 05 2016, 3:47 pm

Giving advice without knowing more history like what happened in the past makes it hard to give solid advice. But I'm going to be your son's advocate. If I am not mistaken, Pre1A is a New York name for Kindergarten and Kindergarten is what is 4 year old pre-school out of town. So your son is a kindergartner and it that means he has been in school before and there is a history.

It is hard for some children to go to school in the beginning and there are different reasons. Some kids get worked about something and then there is the letdown between expectation and reality, but once they discover other things that close that expectation gap, they are perfectly fine. Other kids are particularly attached and have difficulty separating. This type of kid can be warmed up to school by spending time before school reading or playing on the playground. Then there are situations that sound pretty severe and yours, to me, sound like some sort of trauma. I'd be investigating what happened in school prior.

I think if you are home and he is having such a tough time, maybe you should consider educating him at home until he is ready and figuring out what he is not. I think school refusal in Kindergarten is outside the norm and is concerning. There could be serious anxiety developing or something that happened in a previous school. I don't think all the stickers in the world can heal real trauma if there was real trauma. I do think incentives and special time and heal regular high nerves. Time is probably your test. If it continues beyond, say, 2 weeks, it is time to have a different game plan. Perhaps you could attend school with him for some time?

greenfire

Mon, Sep 05 2016, 5:13 pm

sounds like separation anxiety ... my daughter had these issues

1) give him into the hands of a nice & willing teacher or helper ... the same person each day
2) make plans beforehand of what you two will do together when you pick him up so he is looking forward to you coming back rather than thinking you are abandoning him