My kids are bad compared to their cousins.

gold21

Sat, Sep 10 2016, 10:13 pm

Parents should focus on the positive and avoid unnecessary criticism. Therefore, I worry about what kind of parenting style your parents believe in. OP, sounds like you're doing a great job. Kids will be kids! I worry about kids who are too well-behaved. It's unnatural.

You're doing great OP. I would avoid spending too much time with your parents if they have a tendency to bring you down instead of building you up. Moms need support and reassurance to function optimally. Critical comments can affect you and your family negatively.

Good Luck!

amother

Mint

Sat, Sep 10 2016, 10:50 pm

gold21 wrote:

Thanks, Gold. I don't spend that much time with my parents as they are out of state. But we are all spending RH together and I'm stressed because I'm sure my little guy will be in rare form with all the excitement. 😳

gold21

Sun, Sep 11 2016, 12:36 am

amother wrote:

Yeah, kids are often more challenging when theyre out of their normal routine.... Speechless

Just wait, this little guy is gonna bring you so much nachas IY"H. A dynamic personality goes a long way as an adult although it's hard to cope with when theyre children.

Good Luck

amother

Plum

Sun, Sep 11 2016, 2:17 am

chani8 wrote:

Please dont let them pressure you into parenting like that. I'm speaking from experience. My FIL pressured me to spank my kids. Now I know, parenting isn't about discipline. It's about family. Your child is not a soldier.

Also, kids hate being manipulated with charts. And even if they dont hate it, the messages inherent in that are terrible.

Kids are not meant to be controlled! They are meant to be made safe and secure. But not controlled. That's impossible unless you're into beating into submission.

Regulating his voice?? In a fancy restaurant perhaps!

If you think you should be like your parents, or take advice from them at all, step back and take a look at this post you wrote. It shows a lack of self-esteem and a need for external approval. It shows a lack of emotional boundaries, that others influence your feelings. It shows fear of failure. Their goals show a lack of parenting skills in general, with judging, comparing siblings, and criticizing. All those are fairly well known as 'bad parenting'.

Dont be like your parents. Be you. Despite how they tried to destroy your spirit. For your child, find the empathy you never got. Find a sense of humor. Parent him with patience. Build him up. Enjoy him! And heal yourself along the way. Be a better parent to your difficult child than they ever were to you. My guess is that you were a good girl.

And forgive me if I've said way to much or if I'm out of line in any way. Probably, I'm projecting what I went through with my inlaws. I really had to work hard to let go of wanting their approval.

OP I know this post didn't resonate with you but it really resonated with me. Like a huge huge amount. So thank you for posting this.