Huge move - how do I tell kids re: culture changes

amother

Brunette

Sat, Sep 10 2016, 2:15 pm

A few weeks ago we moved from America to Israel with a few kids, the oldest is 7. In America, we let them watch videos, not frequently but approximately twice a month. The boys are now in cheder and it really is not acceptable here to let them watch anything (we're going to let Skype but even that is not especially allowed).

They have been asking me to turn videos on - nothing major but things like marvelous middos machine, fireman sam... Even in America it was a treat to get to watch but how do I explain to them that now they can't without making them resentful?

amother

Yellow

Sat, Sep 10 2016, 3:16 pm

Welcome! That is huge move!
My kids watch here and there...if you did it twice a month you can push it off and they won't feel it. I let my kids watch siblings wedding videos/concerts/oorah etc. like during summer break or on chol hamoed/chanukah. Just push it off and dont' tell them because of cheder.
We also have skype which we use for grandparents and cousins. So much more acceptable today, many more kid have computers at home. My DD's school sent a video home of a performance and my kids watch that all day!
I never allow if any neighbors/friends over.

amother

Brunette

Sat, Sep 10 2016, 3:31 pm

Thanks so much. I was trying to just push it off but they keep asking so I just thought their might be something I could tell them.

Also, I probably should start another thread about this but maybe someone has an idea. My kids are doing really well except for my 4 yr. old. He does not know any hebrew and is having a hard time. He was a real leader in his class in America and went to his first day of cheder here really confident but by the second day he was crying he didn't want to go. I asked his teachers to seat him with the English speaking boys and validated his feelings and explained to him that I know how hard it is but IY'H it will be easier soon. I'm also going to buy a game that we could play to work on teaching him hebrew. What else can I do to make this easier for him? I might ask the teacher if I can stay with him in the classroom for a bit when I bring him.

Ruchel

Sat, Sep 10 2016, 4:32 pm

I'm considering moving OOT and worrying about culture changes. Israel is a huge change (unless it happens that you already did things that way obviously). But iyh 7 is still young enough. I've read not above (9?) by rav Orlowek and not above 11 by various French rabbanim. Kids adapt well when young or on board with changes.

Liebs

Sat, Sep 10 2016, 5:14 pm

I don't know which cheder but most chadarim in Yerushalayim at least have many english speaking kids. I would invite those kids to the house and have him get really comfortable with them. Give a treat out and make him feel good that he has those friends over. This way in school he'll feel good with these kids and he'll be more comfortable.
It's interestign that your 4 yr old hardest adjustment, I'd think the older ones...but every kid surprises us! Iy''h will settle in fine. Many kids here go to english gan until 4.
I would not suggest staying with him. From my experience the longer you stay the more the kid cries. You have to feel calm and cool when leave him. (not very easy!) Try to do different breathing exercises to stay calm and he will feel your calmness. Maybe just go in one day to pick him up and give him tour of building or something...I would hope rebbi showed him bathroom-but probably not! I always do that first day when I bring my kids to cheder (and I tell them to go by hafsaka even if they don't have to they should try.)
Maybe there are a few words you can give the rebbi like bathroom, drink, ...
Hatzlacha!!
ETA - they have a lot of simple books of first words, that may be good too.

DrMom

Sun, Sep 11 2016, 1:39 am

amother wrote:

Perhaps you can offer an alternative treat? Something having to do with your new location (a local outing, a new ice cream or sweet that you couldn't get in the US)?

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Sep 11 2016, 3:36 am

Are you really sure that NO kids in your children's cheder watch videos EVER. I doubt it.
I let my kids watch the odd video, Dudu Fisher, old recordings or their school plays, etc, but not when friends are round, as I tell them I don't know which kid's parents allow it, and which do not.

amother

Powderblue

Sun, Sep 11 2016, 5:00 am

amother wrote:

Are you really sure that NO kids in your children's cheder watch videos EVER. I doubt it.

This. When you first get here you want to do everything you can to fit in right away with the culture of your community so you want to follow every single rule. The thing is rules work differently here. It can take a long time to get used to this idea but it's important. Rules about videos and computers and internet are rarely followed except maybe in the most right wing Israeli chareidi schools, and if you've watched videos in your previous life I doubt you're sending your kids to one of those. You need to find mothers who will tell you the truth about what they do in the privacy of their homes and do that. You don't want to make an issue about following rules that other families are not following.

mandksima

Sun, Sep 11 2016, 1:57 pm

I'm not in the same situation as my community is more modern and most people watch movies but at the beginning of the summer I decided no more videos or computer shows at all for the whole summer and then "I'd see." I have an 8 year old and a 5 year old that were glued to watching videos after school last year. I hated it and wanted a change. We had a few tantrums but I promised them other fun stuff and they got used to playing with friends instead. Once in a while I show them an animal video on my phone or a video of themselves that I took on my phone but that's it. Kids can adapt! It doesn't have to be a religious cultural reason (although I didn't like the effect on their neshamas) but if it is for that reason it doesn't matter. It can just be Mommy's new rule. My kids are so used to not watching and they play all day and even have after school sport related things twice a week to keep them occupied.