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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
Wheat
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 Mon, Sep 12 2016, 9:18 pm
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I am invited to a Sheva Brachot and a friend of mine who knows the kallah and heard that I am going to the Sheva Brachot immediately asked me if she could come along with me. I don't know if I should take her with me or not because she wasn't invited. Do you think it's acceptable if she comes with me when she wasn't even invited?
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mommy3b2c
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Mon, Sep 12 2016, 9:22 pm
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Is your friend socially awkward? Sounds like an odd thing to do. Stopping in to say Mazel tov-perfectly fine. Coming and sitting down and eating-not normal
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anotherima
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Mon, Sep 12 2016, 9:32 pm
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No. If you feel comfortable you can ask if there is room for your friend (maybe someone cancelled last minute). But don't show up with friend who wasn't invited.
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amother
Wheat
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 12:01 am
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By the way how long do people usually stay at a Sheva Brachot?
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amother
Mauve
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 12:05 am
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If I don't get to the wedding we find out where there's a sheva bruchos to give Mazel tov
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Iymnok
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 3:07 am
To come in and wish Mazal Tov, yes. To come uninvited to the whole sit-down seuda? No.
It is rude and the hosts likely we're counting heads and preparing accordingly.
Also each of the Sheva brachos is usually a different circle to the Chosson or Kallah. Coming from the wrong circle is awkward. You happen to be in two circles.
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amother
Pumpkin
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 7:00 am
I'm going to say no but I'm a convert so not really up on what's acceptable or not.
There were a couple of people who turned up to my WEDDING uninvited. I had never even met them before!
Then there was one person who came (invited) to one of our sheva brachot, wished us mazal tov then walked away with trays full of food!
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m in Israel
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 7:21 am
| amother wrote: | I'm going to say no but I'm a convert so not really up on what's acceptable or not.
There were a couple of people who turned up to my WEDDING uninvited. I had never even met them before!
Then there was one person who came (invited) to one of our sheva brachot, wished us mazal tov then walked away with trays full of food! |
Actually, coming to the wedding uninvited is probably more socially acceptable. Weddings tend to be much larger with a lot of coming and going, and many people come for short periods of time/leave early/come only to dance so a person stopping by to say Mazel Tov won't usually impact the dynamics/seating/food so much.
A sheva brachot is usually a much smaller group than a wedding and at least in my circles is primarily a sit down meal. It's not the same type of walking around/mingling come in/come out type of atmosphere as a wedding -- often there is not music/dancing at all. Most people who come stay for the whole thing, and it tends to be a much more specific and organized type of gathering. (Of course there are exceptions. For example, often if the Chassan and Kallah live in different cities and the wedding was in one of the cities they will organize a big almost "wedding style" sheva brachos in the other city to give friends who couldn't travel a chance to participate. If that's the type of Sheva brachos OP is talking about it's slightly different, although I'd still be hesitant bringing someone who wasn't invited along.)
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amother
Ecru
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 7:28 am
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Depends on the set up, but 95% of the time, no, it's not ok. Most sb are made by friends/family in someone's home or at a restaurant, and the ones in people's homes are often home cooked. If random people start showing up, it messes things up. Occasionally, there might be a communal sb for whatever reason where the whole community is invited, and there it would be ok to bring an extra person along.
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shabbatiscoming
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 8:12 am
| amother wrote: | | By the way how long do people usually stay at a Sheva Brachot? | Till the end? I mean, if you are going as a couple to the sheva bracha, the men have to stay to be part of the mezuman for benching.
Ive never seen people not just stay for the whole thing.
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zaq
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 12:36 pm
| amother wrote: | | By the way how long do people usually stay at a Sheva Brachot? |
Till after benching. isn't that the whole point?
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notshanarishona
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 3:20 pm
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Coming to say mazel tov is totally normal. Coming to eat is extremely rude and not accepted practice without invitation.
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Amelia Bedelia
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 3:42 pm
| m in Israel wrote: | Actually, coming to the wedding uninvited is probably more socially acceptable. Weddings tend to be much larger with a lot of coming and going, and many people come for short periods of time/leave early/come only to dance so a person stopping by to say Mazel Tov won't usually impact the dynamics/seating/food so much.
A sheva brachot is usually a much smaller group than a wedding and at least in my circles is primarily a sit down meal. It's not the same type of walking around/mingling come in/come out type of atmosphere as a wedding -- often there is not music/dancing at all. Most people who come stay for the whole thing, and it tends to be a much more specific and organized type of gathering. (Of course there are exceptions. For example, often if the Chassan and Kallah live in different cities and the wedding was in one of the cities they will organize a big almost "wedding style" sheva brachos in the other city to give friends who couldn't travel a chance to participate. If that's the type of Sheva brachos OP is talking about it's slightly different, although I'd still be hesitant bringing someone who wasn't invited along.) |
Coming to a wedding uninvited to partake of the meal is not acceptable.
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sourstix
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 4:46 pm
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coming to a wedding uninvited in my circle is ok. chasidish. sheva brachos no!
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m in Israel
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Wed, Sep 14 2016, 3:04 am
| Amelia Bedelia wrote: | | Coming to a wedding uninvited to partake of the meal is not acceptable. |
I didn't say it was acceptable. I said it was MORE acceptable than coming to a sheva brachos uninvited. I am not recommending doing either one, but between the two I believe the sheva brachos is worse. I also am pretty sure that in some circles it is normal to stop in at a wedding uninvited, and I've never heard of the same for sheva brachos (except for "wedding type" sheva brachos like I mentioned above).
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greenfire
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Wed, Sep 14 2016, 10:49 am
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no. apparently not even if you're the mother-in-law ...
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amother
Slateblue
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Wed, Sep 14 2016, 1:39 pm
| m in Israel wrote: | Actually, coming to the wedding uninvited is probably more socially acceptable. Weddings tend to be much larger with a lot of coming and going, and many people come for short periods of time/leave early/come only to dance so a person stopping by to say Mazel Tov won't usually impact the dynamics/seating/food so much.
A sheva brachot is usually a much smaller group than a wedding and at least in my circles is primarily a sit down meal. It's not the same type of walking around/mingling come in/come out type of atmosphere as a wedding -- often there is not music/dancing at all. Most people who come stay for the whole thing, and it tends to be a much more specific and organized type of gathering. (Of course there are exceptions. For example, often if the Chassan and Kallah live in different cities and the wedding was in one of the cities they will organize a big almost "wedding style" sheva brachos in the other city to give friends who couldn't travel a chance to participate. If that's the type of Sheva brachos OP is talking about it's slightly different, although I'd still be hesitant bringing someone who wasn't invited along.) |
Just because she's a convert doesn't mean she doesn't know what a wedding and a sheva brachot is
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