ISO classy MO communities

amother

Black

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 7:03 pm

gold21 wrote:

Englewood, NJ?

Cedarhurst, NY?

Upper West Side of Manhattan?

Oh, I know, maybe White Plains would be a good fit? Or Riverdale?

West Hempstead and Teaneck have a more "chilled" laid-back crowd, so maybe they're not what you're looking for? They're very nice communities though.

I live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, and while I'm intelligent and well-spoken, I'm also kind of....casual. I'm not super upper-crusty. Sometimes I serve food on paper plates, and I'm not into brand-name clothes (unless Old Navy is considered "upscale"). My real estate is outrageously expensive, and we rent, not own....also not super-classy. There will be a point where we won't be able to afford this neighborhood anymore...sooooo schleppy. I have many highly "classy" friends, though. Europeans often like it here. I'm ok if OP thinks I'm too unclassy to spend shabbos with. 💃🏽

amother

Chocolate

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 7:46 pm

amother wrote:

How should she have phrased it?
(You're not wrong, but the responses were downright rude. 'Don't move to my community.' For crying out loud, there's a woman looking for her place in this world. Why would anyone say that?)

The key to classiness is being understated. You don't flaunt, you don't announce that you're upper class or trying to be upper class. Knowing that she's from England and looking for a more European sense of class would have helped in the initial post. It would also help to know what makes her uncomfortable in her current community. Is it rudeness? Over familiarity? Dirty homes? I know Europeans who can't stop complaining about the way Americans eat or the way they talk or the way they dress or the way they keep their homes. They're just used to different rules and a different social structure. I don't know what op's standards are, maybe she can articulate them a bit better.

nylon

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 8:20 pm

I'm genuinely puzzled by the question. American MO communities tend to be fairly to very well off, filled with professionals. They all have their own flavor. Some are more fancy, some are more intellectual, some are more relaxed; some are more suburban and family oriented while some are busy and have lots of singles, etc. But I am not getting a good sense of what "classy" means beyond that.

You won't find a lot of MO communities that are run down, ugly, things like that.

amother

Pink

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 9:04 pm

OP - you might just be experiencing culture shock. I'm not sure that you can find what you're looking here. On the whole, Americans are not classy in the way I think you intended it, and they won't understand what you mean either.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 11:17 pm

Seattle,WA - especially the Seward Park and Mercer Island communities. Go to GoogleMaps, and check out the street views. It's gorgeous. There are Ashkenazic, Sephardic, and Chabad shuls to choose from, as well as a new MO shul that is trending towards being egalitarian.

Housing ranges from 4 bedroom upper middle class, to mansions. People rent out unfurnished basements to singles for $800 a month!

The vast majority of people there are college educated, and many work in the tech industry, or own businesses of their own. Seattle on the whole is far more educated than the average city.

amother

Tangerine

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 12:36 am

Dear op

I'm sad that there was such miscommunication on this thread, and you were hurt by others words, even though it was unintended.

I have no idea how to answer your question because I live in Australia.

However, if you look at this thread

http://www.imamother.com/forum.....12408

(which is satire (btw I only read the first couple of posts)), it might give you some idea of what everyone "thought" you were saying in your op, and why they got so "riled up".

But as an Australian I have no idea what this thread is really about. LOL

esther09

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 3:32 am

I don't understand how OPs explanation warrants an apology.

Asking for a classy community (and then posting a picture that shows that she means classy vs "not trampy") is a very offensive thing to do. I doubt my down to earth community is what she's looking for --- why do I have to apologize to someone who called my community trampy?

(...what is a trampy community anyway????)

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 4:31 am

I grew up on the UWS- I doubt I am personally what the OP is looking for Wink

but I do notice that it is relatively common for people from the UWS to marry non Americans- think British, Canadian, European.... possibly more then other communities so that might work for the OP.

amother

Burlywood

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 5:37 am

PinkFridge wrote:

Time difference?

I posted minutes after she did, politely asking for clarification. She didn't respond, so people just tried to figure it out on their own. I still have no clue what she's trying to find.

causemommysaid

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 6:29 am

amother wrote:

I'm extremely taken aback by the comments on this thread. From firsthand experience women here are usually so, so supportive and caring and non-judgmental. What crazy button did the word 'classy' push?
I mean, what if she wants to be with fancy people? BIG DEAL. She asked for help finding somewhere. You could just name cities. Like, are you sensitive that she may have excluded you?

OP, you had a simple question and something really weird happened here. I'm sorry you had to see those comments and assumptions. Teaneck, Bergenfield and Woodmere are three places I've visited recently that may fit your description. I hope you find a place where you feel at home and happy. It must be very hard coming from a different culture and seeing people around you have an easy time forming friendships over things you don't get. My first guesses when I read your post were either that you're a stylist/interior decorator and would benefit financially from a fancier community; or that you were European and don't feel comfortable in the usual American communities. Good luck finding your place Hug

So am I.

Some of the comments here are downright disgusting.

How can anyone think its ok to talk to someone like that?

I also don't get what the big deal is with classy. So she want a place that is polished and well mannered. So what? How is that code for wealthy snobs?

greenfire

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 6:34 am

try checking out the '5 Towns' - just saw a gorgeous neighborhood in Hewlett ... or West Hempstead in New York,

I hear there are some places in New Jersey like Teaneck, maybe Fairlawn

then again there's always cleveland more specifically Beachwood, Ohio

PinkFridge

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 6:40 am

amother wrote:

I posted minutes after she did, politely asking for clarification. She didn't respond, so people just tried to figure it out on their own. I still have no clue what she's trying to find.

What I meant was, and I can't go back to do the forensics Wink

it seemed to have taken some time for you to follow up on your OP.
Hatzlacha! May the new year bring you a wonderful new home and community in which to serve Hashem well and b'simcha!

Lilibet

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 6:55 am

You're British, so I'll assume that what you dislike is what "out of town" American Jews refer to as the "New York" style that dominates our largest MO communities (Not only NY, but also Ashkenazi parts of Miami and the Beaches and Los Angeles). Therefore,

I recommend that you escape to the places where MO New Yorkers go when they hate the New York Jewish style and decide to escape. One such place - improbably, is the Upper West and Upper East Sides of Manhattan. Another is the Boston suburbs. But you said affordable.

I can't think of any MO communities that fit this bill perfectly, but ones you might try that cost less include Seattle, Chicago's Lakeview neighborhood, Washington DC area neighborhoods: Woodside, Shepherd Park, Aspen Hill, and Potomac. Lower Marion near Philadelphia. In the New York area, New Rochelle and Riverdale are among the better fits for you in the New York area, and there are a couple of towns further into N.J, but Jersey towns tend to become New York-ish as soon as they are "discovered."