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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Preschoolers
amother
Chocolate
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 7:10 am
DD is almost 5 years old and generally pretty chilled. She has an older sister and two younger brothers. She will eat most foods, wear most clothing, play most games, not picky socially, etc. Over a year ago, she started having these meltdowns over really minor things, many times a day. For ex: if she wants something, like a nosh, she will immediately burst out screaming and crying that she 'can't have it', before even asking for it! Or if her sister is playing with something she wants, or gets a prize from school that she would like to have. DD is constantly shrieking and crying that DS (almost 3) has taken her toy away, colored on her drawing, etc. She will cry that she can't find her shoes… etc. etc. etc. The outburst sometimes lasts a few minutes, but more often she calms down in under a minute, sometimes even without a parent/older sibling's help. Almost as if her natural state is calm and chilled, but something isn't 'right' inside, and its causing her to melt down instead of going into problem-solving mode, which she is great at, if powerful emotions don't knock her over first. Some of the triggers are anxiety-related, like if she is afraid an automatic door will close before I get through and she will be alone on the other side for a few seconds til it re-opens and I get through, she will fall apart.
I took her to the pediatrician to rule out strep, and physical causes about a year ago, and she was b"H physically healthy. I really try to give her lots of praise and one-on-one time (which happens less), but don't see it doing much. We had a star chart towards a prize when she would react maturely and calmly instead of crying, and she finished it, but I didnt see lasting changes, she just managed to stay calm sometimes (when it wasn't as hard) and still couldn't when the trigger was overpowering.
Anyone with experience with something like this? How can I help her?
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amother
Brown
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 9:06 am
My son (younger than yours) was like this and we discovered that he was allergic to dairy. Once we cut it out of his diet then he was much happier.
He still gets very easily agitated, so we also scheduled an appointment to get him evaluated.
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amother
Chocolate
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 9:22 am
really! so interesting. how did you test for the allergy? what made you test?
and what kind of evaluation are you planning? it should be with much hatzlacha and siyata dShmaya.
thanks!
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NovelConcept
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 10:57 am
Yes, I wanted to say that allergies are frequently the cause of emotional outburst.
When a person eats something that doesn't work well with their body, the body overheats and makes a person unable to handle minor stresses.
It could also be that she is vitamin deficient. I'd have her tested for B vitamins specifically.
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imasinger
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 11:39 am
Keep checking for physical causes.
But also keep with the practicing and rewarding for self control.
If she can do it for the less challenging times, that's great. She's building the muscle. Focus more on the successes than the failures, both for her sake and for yours. And look for patterns, to see what might be triggers that you need both to be aware of, and to work on building resilience in small increments.
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mha3484
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 11:42 am
I have found that magnesium has done wonders for my 5 year old DS. If you look at a list of foods that contain magnesium its not something many of us serve regularly for dinner or that our kids want to eat if we did and DS is not picky at all.
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FranticFrummie
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 11:47 am
imasinger wrote: | Keep checking for physical causes.
But also keep with the practicing and rewarding for self control.
If she can do it for the less challenging times, that's great. She's building the muscle. Focus more on the successes than the failures, both for her sake and for yours. And look for patterns, to see what might be triggers that you need both to be aware of, and to work on building resilience in small increments. |
Great advice. I would only add that when her melt downs are short and she resolves them herself, acknowledge that she was upset, and handled it on her own. Give her a little praise for that skill, too. Knowing that she can have a sad feeling, and figure it out on her own, will really empower her and give her more confidence in the future.
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amother
Chocolate
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 3:42 pm
how do I check for physical causes when her doctor says there is none? where do I go? and how do I test for allergies?
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amother
Wine
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 3:55 pm
I would go back to pediatrician and rule out pandas.
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amother
Chocolate
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 4:12 pm
to those who recommended praising her for small successes, we most certainly do that, but I will try t focus on it even more.
would pandas show up on a throat culture? because she has had strep cultures in the past year. that was my initial suspicion when this started, and I mentioned that to the ped at that visit. is there still a reason to recheck it?
also, I would think her behaviors are within the realm of normal frustrated kid behaviors, but some of you seem to think there is definitely a medical cause. what aout the description makes you feel that way? (I need help expressing my concern to doctors who are skeptical.)
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anonymrs
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 4:50 pm
My first thought was food allergy too.
Pandas is an immune response to strep, so a culture wouldn't show it. Time for a blood test.
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amother
Peach
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Tue, Sep 13 2016, 6:15 pm
Do an evaluation with a therapist to see if there is any unresolved trauma.
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amother
Burlywood
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Wed, Sep 14 2016, 8:30 am
My DD is a little older (6), but she's been having these tantrums now for close to two years! I must say though, that often we find she has pinworms at the times her emotional outbursts are the worst- so maybe check that out! We did also take her off dairy, though tests indicate she is not allergic. She must be somewhat sensitive to it, though, because since then she has been better (for the most part).
Hatzlacha!
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amother
Chocolate
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Wed, Sep 14 2016, 9:02 am
she's is missing most of the indicators/symptoms of pandas. why do you think it would be that?
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musicmom
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Wed, Sep 14 2016, 9:40 am
The food allergies are so interesting, but I don't know anything about that.
I think that each child grows and matures at different speeds and also some people feel emotions more intensely than others.
It is very important to take time to show your daughter how she can process these feelings appropriately. She may need accommodations to take a drink, walk, draw a picture, punch a pillow, play a musical instrument... or learn to use her words to express how she is feeling. Showing her a place in your home or her classroom where she can go when she needs to take a break is a good first step towards learning to identify and handle her own feelings.
Perhaps if she is physical you can actually hand her a reminder, like a worry rock or a special eraser that she can hold onto if she gets upset. You can also practice square breathing with her until she learns how to do it herself to calm down.
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amother
Chocolate
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Wed, Sep 14 2016, 9:43 am
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