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Wants vs needs

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amother

Crimson

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 1:55 pm

We just had our 4th child.My husband works super long hours and that's not likely to change. I am responsible for holding things down at home.I wake up with the older kids,get them breakfast and drive them to school(2 different schools). Then I come home, grocery shop,cook,do laundry,straighten up the house,while taking care of my baby. Then I start pick ups. My next youngest comes home, I feed her and do hw,then my next one comes home,I do hw and then the next one. Dinner being served 3 different times,clean up,bedtime. Its insane.
Right now I have cleaning help once a week for things like linen and heavy clean up,but I still do clean up daily,maintain the house,do laundry.
My husband is pushing for a live in. Of course,having someone here would make my life easier-I could concentrate n the kids,run out as needed,etc.
I am more frugal then he is. We do pay full tuition and the funds for live in would otherwise go into savings. Still,its a lot of money. His argument is that you live once, enjoy the kids ,money is here to help improve life. ids cost money and this is temporary.I feel guilty staying home and spending so much that could otherwise be saved. Thoughts?

pesek zman

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 2:02 pm

There's a lot between 1x/day and live in! Why don't you try having your cleaning help more often? Maybe 3x a week? Maybe even 5x ?

amother

Crimson

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 2:06 pm

Because I can't leave my baby with cleaning help for shopping,drop off,pick up or extracurricular

mommy3b2c

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 2:14 pm

amother wrote:

Because I can't leave my baby with cleaning help for shopping,drop off,pick up or extracurricular

.

Well it will still make your life much easier. It's not so bad taking your baby with you when you come home to a spotless house and you're not easing energy on laundry and ironing and the million other tasks you need to do.

And anyway, I have part time help that cooks , cleans, does laundry, babysits, etc...

She's my right hand man. We work together to do what needs to be done. She'll even do small grocery trips for me.

pesek zman

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 2:15 pm

Then it sounds like you answered your own dilemma. You need a live in to manage your life and to help you care for your children

Go for it

amother

Indigo

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 2:29 pm

I am a sahm with a live in. My husband is away 8- 10 days every month and even when he's home, he's not available to help much, so this is how we manage. She cleans, does kitchen prep before I cook, helps during the hard parts of the day (morning and evening rushes) and it's nice also to be able to go shopping or to appointments without kids or to tAke one to an appointment or activity without the others. She really does make my life run so much more smoothly, especially when dh is away.

sotired3

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 2:30 pm

You can leave the baby with a babysitter once a week and do errands and get cleaning help 3x a week for much less than a live in. You also need to sit down and do a budget on paper so you know what you really can or can't afford.

amother

Crimson

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 2:33 pm

We can afford it,this is money that would otherwise go into savings.We have about 300K in savings right now and we are talking about getting a live in for a year.About 30 years away from retirement,but have very high tuition payments for older kids(which we pay in full)

amother

Blush

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 2:53 pm

Getting full time live in help is a little embarrassing for a healthy sahm IMHO. But of course it's your money to spend however you wish.

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 2:54 pm

If I could go back in time, I would definitely have gotten more household help. It sounds like you can afford it, so try it out. At worst, you can downgrade to a few days a week.

gp2.0

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 3:04 pm

amother wrote:

Getting full time live in help is a little embarrassing for a healthy sahm IMHO. But of course it's your money to spend however you wish.

What a horrible thing to say.

OP I say if the only thing keeping you back is a sense of frugality, go for it. You can always stop if it doesn't make sense. Or you can try as other posters suggested and add more cleaning help and babysitting first. Either way, it's healthy to spend money if you can afford to do so. Your husband is right, you only live once.

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 3:10 pm

just a thought. I have friends who grew up with live ins. One said that it was cheaper for her mother because her room and board was part of her salary. I'm pretty sure she also said that the lady sometimes worked for other people also so you can have a live in without it being 24/7.
Are you ok with having someone in your space all the time-for me that would be a huge consideration for me.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 3:18 pm

amother wrote:

Getting full time live in help is a little embarrassing for a healthy sahm IMHO. But of course it's your money to spend however you wish.

How rude!

Why do you think it's something to be proud of if you run yourself ragged?

happybeingamom

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 3:24 pm

I think you should think why you feel guilty if you are not doing everything?

Not being tense, more time for fun with the kids, doing homework with out pressure is priceless.

amother

Vermilion

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 4:01 pm

I would love to have a live in, but my DH & I dont feel too comfortable with one sleeping in our house Sad

Ingrid

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 4:03 pm

The financial aspect is nowhere near the most important issue to discuss when considering bringing a live-in into your home.
My sister has one and it changes the whole dynamic of the home. The way the kids are with the parents, the way the kids think about life.
And having a non-family member living in your home is very different.

amother

Crimson

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 4:21 pm

Getting full time live in help is a little embarrassing for a healthy sahm IMHO. But of course it's your money to spend however you wish.

Ok,I am shameless, I am not embarrassed. All jokes aside, why is being exhausted a virtue? Do you have a dish washer,a laundry machine,and other conveniences? because healthy woman should be able to do dishes by hand and laundry by hand as well.
To everyone else-thank you for your feedback and advice. A lot to think about

SixOfWands

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 4:34 pm

amother wrote:

Because I can't leave my baby with cleaning help for shopping,drop off,pick up or extracurricular

Why not?

If the person you have now isn't able to watch the baby occasionally, someone else would be. Most of my friends have used household help to occasionally watch children.

Of course, if you would prefer live-in help, that's your decision. I just don't understand why a live-in housekeeper is different from one who lives out of your home, vis a vis childcare.

tichellady

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 4:46 pm

If you can afford it, then up your household help, but like others have said I would start with more regular daytime help before hiring a live-in. Find someone who you feel comfortable leaving your children who can also clean.

chagru

Wed, Sep 14 2016, 4:50 pm

I've had live in and daily, I would advise you to try daily first, live in is more complicated, they are more on top of you and they can get on your nerves. I didn't have a good experience with live in, daily works better for me, just my personal preference. Don't feel bad about getting more help, you can afford it so why shouldn't you make your life easier?

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