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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
DD 8yo asked how the babies come out
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Wed, Sep 14 2016, 9:33 pm
I tried putting it off but she keeps reminding me I said I'd tell her. In the past I just said that the doctors work really hard to make sure the babies come out safely and everyone is okay, which was sufficient at the time, but not now.

She's in 3rd grade. What do you think? How would I word it? Should I continue to insist on putting it off? "Usually girls learn about this at a later age, and the best thing to do is discuss it next year."

I wouldn't be talking birds and bees, just about a certain part of the female anatomy she probably doesn't know exists... Is she too young to handle that? She's a drop immature for her age to be honest, and even if not, it might be odd to think about, no?

Please let me know your advice!
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amother
Black


 

Post Wed, Sep 14 2016, 9:35 pm
I would tell my daughter if she asked. Just make it super matter of fact and normalized, and she will be fine with it.
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 14 2016, 9:41 pm
Even if it's odd, so what? Childhood is like that.

It only gets weirder the more it's put off.
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iluvy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 14 2016, 9:42 pm
"A special hole in the mommy's body, that is private in the underwear."

My daughter has known this since it occurred to her to ask about it when she was three.

Why should girls wait to learn about their own anatomy?
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tigerwife




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 14 2016, 10:00 pm
Growing up, I've never considered the vag a more private part than the other two neighboring openings. Keep in mind that whilst your mind may be moving on to more mature topics, hers is probably not and won't unless you give her reason to think that there is more going on (like, for example, if you act flummoxed and secretive).

Besides, 8 is a very decent time for her to gain more understanding of her anatomy. Puberty is not very far off. Good luck!
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Wed, Sep 14 2016, 10:24 pm
iluvy wrote:
"A special hole in the mommy's body, that is private in the underwear."

My daughter has known this since it occurred to her to ask about it when she was three.

Why should girls wait to learn about their own anatomy?


a private hole in the underwear!!?? - - lol!!!

maybe you can tell her it's like going to the bathroom....
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iluvy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 14 2016, 10:31 pm
lol, these are just keywords that we use to talk about privacy
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Laiya




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 14 2016, 10:31 pm
I told dd 5 that there's a special opening only girls have, right near the privates (I was kind of specific about which privates). When it's time for the baby to come out, Hashem makes that opening get big enough for the baby to come through, then after the baby is out, Hashem makes it get small again.

I said it very matter of fact and she was totally cool with it.
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Wed, Sep 14 2016, 10:34 pm
I told dd, who was approximately the same age at the time, that just like Hashem created an opening for our bodies to rid themselves of waste from foods that we eat, he also created a special place for the baby to come out when it finishes growing.
I also explained that it's a regular part of the body that prepares for a baby's exit during a process called labor (most kids this age have heard that word before from other adults talking) and that "part" gradually opens up large enough for a newborn to pass through and then goes back to being regular size.
While I did not spell out exactly where that opening is, because I made the analogy with food waste, dd figured out that it was down in that region.
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Wed, Sep 14 2016, 10:34 pm
My answer has been that Hashem makes a special opening in a mommy's body that miraculously opens when it's time for the baby to come out, and makes a big miracle afterwards, and the opening closes. To which I was answered one time "oh, like a door!"
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RachaelLeah




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 14 2016, 10:35 pm
My daughter's known about her anatomy probably since my 4th pregnancy. She was 6 at the time, and savvier than the last time I was pregnant. The more matter of fact and normal and SPECIAL you can make it, the better. She doesn't even know it hurts.
"It comes out through a special hole Hashem made just for babies to come out of their Mommies' tummies. It's between where your #1 comes out and where you're #2 comes out. It's special only for girls, only for you and me (at the time she was my only girl). Boys don't have it. Hashem gave it specially for us."
dd - "But Mommy, how does it fit?"
me - (taking a tissue and folding it up acordion style) "You see how small this is? Now look - (unfolding the tissue and spreading open) Hashem made our bodies with so much Chachmah, He made the va*ina able to open and stretch when it needs to, and go back to being small and folded when it doesn't need to. Isn't that amazing? Our bodies are so special and wonderful."
I think it's really important for my daughters to have open, relaxed communication with me about the miracle of their own bodies, and, to be very familiar with their own anatomy. It's Hashem's Briah, it is not something to feel ashamed of at all.
I was taking a course in marriage and family therapy, and as part of the course, a nurse-midwife familiar with the frum community came to speak to us. She told us that whenever a very sheltered couple comes to her for fertility counseling, the first thing she ensures is that they know where the va*ina is. She has had couples doing a*al because they had no idea where the hole was. She had one couple who thought it was the belly button! Oy, vey...


Last edited by RachaelLeah on Wed, Sep 14 2016, 10:42 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Wed, Sep 14 2016, 10:35 pm
amother wrote:
a private hole in the underwear!!?? - - lol!!!

maybe you can tell her it's like going to the bathroom....


Then she might be afraid she will have a baby when she goes to the bathroom.

My 5 year old ds asked me the same and I told him it comes out of a whole next to where you owe from and only on women. He wanted to see so I pointed to my privates, he wanted to touch but I told him its mommy's privates and we can't touch. He knows that concept for years already. And he also knows the proper anatomy names of everything. The more you make it awkward the more awkward it will be. If you don't answer her questions someone else will, maybe a friend at school etc.
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Wed, Sep 14 2016, 10:44 pm
Just today, ds 9 came home gloating that he knows how babies come out. I'd kind of left it vague when he asked me in the past.

I asked him what he thought. He smirked and patted his rear. shock

Awkward or not, I realized it's time to set him straight.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 14 2016, 10:52 pm
amother wrote:
Then she might be afraid she will have a baby when she goes to the bathroom.

My 5 year old ds asked me the same and I told him it comes out of a whole next to where you owe from and only on women. He wanted to see so I pointed to my privates, he wanted to touch but I told him its mommy's privates and we can't touch. He knows that concept for years already. And he also knows the proper anatomy names of everything. The more you make it awkward the more awkward it will be. If you don't answer her questions someone else will, maybe a friend at school etc.


My son also asked me how the baby comes out and I answered from a special hole that only girls have. He asked if he can see it and I told him no because it's private. He then told me that he thinks I'm lying and that was the end of that.
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rachel6543




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 15 2016, 12:58 am
I just had this discussion with my 8 year old son recently. He had been asking about where babies come from. I found some children's books at local library on this topic. I went over parts of the books that I thought were age apporiate for him and answered his questions as I best as I could. It was helpful having the kids books which had kid- friendly illustrations and explanations. I just answered my sons questions matter- of- factly and he seemed satisfied with my answers.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Thu, Sep 15 2016, 1:17 am
There's a small hole, low low down, near the hole where you pee, that opens up very big when the baby is ready to come out. Then it closes up again.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Thu, Sep 15 2016, 1:18 am
I have a friend who once said, that's the only advantage of having a C-section, it's simpler to explain to little kids how the baby gets out. The doctor cuts you open and takes it out Smile
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 15 2016, 1:34 am
amother wrote:
I have a friend who once said, that's the only advantage of having a C-section, it's simpler to explain to little kids how the baby gets out. The doctor cuts you open and takes it out Smile


That is clearly LESS SIMPLE and MORE TRAUMATIC.

Why would a girl WANT to go through major surgery?!

If I had been told this originally, I'd have freaked out. In fact, I did freak out when I found out about c-sections (while the information on vaginal births left me totally unmoved. Like, ok, cool, whatever). Whereas when I saw a lady on the beach with a c-section scar, it was quite concerning!
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gamekeeper




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 15 2016, 2:30 am
My sons asked me. I told them matter of factly that there is a special hole for it. A hole for number ones and twos and mommies have an extra one for babies. At first they giggled. They asked me again to make sure. And now they know and don't think it's strange any more. No big deal. It's the way Hashem created the world.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 15 2016, 2:39 am
sequoia wrote:
That is clearly LESS SIMPLE and MORE TRAUMATIC.

Why would a girl WANT to go through major surgery?!

If I had been told this originally, I'd have freaked out. In fact, I did freak out when I found out about c-sections (while the information on vaginal births left me totally unmoved. Like, ok, cool, whatever). Whereas when I saw a lady on the beach with a c-section scar, it was quite concerning!

I agree it sounds more traumatic.
I also wouldn't want my children thinking that that's the only way..
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