DD 8yo asked how the babies come out

amother

Beige

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 3:34 am

sequoia wrote:

That is clearly LESS SIMPLE and MORE TRAUMATIC.

Why would a girl WANT to go through major surgery?!

If I had been told this originally, I'd have freaked out. In fact, I did freak out when I found out about c-sections (while the information on vaginal births left me totally unmoved. Like, ok, cool, whatever). Whereas when I saw a lady on the beach with a c-section scar, it was quite concerning!

My 8 year old is fascinated that she was born via c-section. This came up last year when I had a baby and she was old enough to understand what was going on and ask questions. She loved looking at pictures of fetal development from a book I have.

Maybe my DD is just scientific minded and matter of fact about such things. Or maybe she doesn't think surgery is a big deal because we always called making repairs on her overly loved stuffed animals surgery. My c-section scar is barely visible and not scary to look at. I told her the story of how she was born and she thought it was just grand. Then she mentioned that her friends in school told her that babies came out down there (she pointed) and I told her that they usually do. I showed her an anatomy drawing I found online that shows the uterus along with the other organs in the area and pointed out where the baby grows and how it normally exits. That was enough info for her and she didn't think to ask how the baby got there in the first place (B"H because I wasn't ready for that conversation yet).

essie14

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 5:32 am

amother wrote:

I told dd, who was approximately the same age at the time, that just like Hashem created an opening for our bodies to rid themselves of waste from foods that we eat, he also created a special place for the baby to come out when it finishes growing.
I also explained that it's a regular part of the body that prepares for a baby's exit during a process called labor (most kids this age have heard that word before from other adults talking) and that "part" gradually opens up large enough for a newborn to pass through and then goes back to being regular size.
While I did not spell out exactly where that opening is, because I made the analogy with food waste, dd figured out that it was down in that region.

This is excellent and age appropriate and is not in any way non truthful so she will never feel like you have ever lied to her.

Ruchel

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 6:16 am

You can distract, or you can answer a special hole, or you can ask her what she thinks and if it sounds not scary even though not real, as in bellybutton, just allow her to think so. (don't bother bashing, I am not a militant of ever accurate LOL... they will know I promise, and kids in my world don't resent the kiddy lies).

I love the last amother answer, if you feel your daughter is ready. I would just skip labor etc unless she also asks. Don't go above the question is what is said here.

amother

Orchid

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 7:21 am

sequoia wrote:

I was born via c section and since my mom told me how I was born, I knew that I was in fact removed surgically. However, she also told me that's not the usual way, and I have to say, I was more freaked out by that than by the idea of surgery (how does a whole baby come out from such a small hole?) I was also well aware that childbirth is not so simple. Any kid whos learned bereishis knows that labor hurts (thanks, Chava) and that it is potentially deadly (exhibit A, Rachel immeinu). Ftr, all of my kids were born vaginally except for my baby, so my oldest happens to know about both ways too. But as he's a boy, he doesn't have to worry either way.

miami85

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 9:04 am

My younger kids have asked that, and I told them that the opening only opens when its time for the baby to come out--and they thought it was my belly button, (and they tried looking in to see the baby). Not sure why that answer can't apply to older kids as well--its not like they will be in the delivery room.

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 9:13 am

iluvy wrote:

"A special hole in the mommy's body, that is private in the underwear."

My daughter has known this since it occurred to her to ask about it when she was three.

Why should girls wait to learn about their own anatomy?

Yeah my mom told it to me like this when I was around that age. (I thought it was so weird that other kids really thought the baby comes OUT of the stomach. I was like how does that even make sense?). - LOL now that I'm thinking about it, with a C-section that's what they do :-p

DrMom

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 9:14 am

RachaelLeah wrote:

I was taking a course in marriage and family therapy, and as part of the course, a nurse-midwife familiar with the frum community came to speak to us. She told us that whenever a very sheltered couple comes to her for fertility counseling, the first thing she ensures is that they know where the va*ina is. She has had couples doing a*al because they had no idea where the hole was. She had one couple who thought it was the belly button! Oy, vey...

Just to clarify:

They were trying to be intimate via her bellybutton???

(Or did you mean that they thought the baby -- once conceived -- emerges from the bellybutton?)

Chayalle

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 9:18 am

My mother explained birth to me pretty much the way Laiya posted, and that's what I told my girls as well. It makes it much easier to talk to them about periods when they get a bit older, too. I tell them that birth is a big nes, because Hashem makes it open up, the baby is born, and then it closes.

sweetpotato

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 9:28 am

I wouldn't shy away from telling her anatomically where the baby comes from during a vaginal birth. She already knows from saying asher yatzar:

אֲשֶׁר יָצַר אֶת
.הָאָדָם בְּחָכְמָה וּבָרָא בוֹ נְקָבִים נְקָבִים

Tell her that girls and women have a uterus where the baby grows, and when the baby is done growing the uterus opens and the baby comes out through an opening that girls and women have (using whatever term you currently use to call the vulva/v-gina, though at this age it's certainly not inappropriate to teach her the anatomical terms since she's already approaching the age where puberty could begin). I liked the advice another mother gave to demonstrate how the v-gina can fold and stretch to let the baby come out and then go back to being a small opening.

Hashem made our bodies with many miraculous openings and that's why we say this bracha to acknowledge how important they are.

amother

Linen

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 10:34 am

Personally, I don't think it's too young. If a child is old enough to think to ask such a question than he/she is old enough to deserve an answer. My daughter, aged 7, recently asked me this question too. I kept the answer simple, but honest. I explained that just like we have special holes on our body for using the bathroom, Hashem created girls with a 3rd special hole in the same area that the baby can come out of when it it time. This special part of our body is private and we do not walk around talking about it, the same way we don't show people or talk about the parts of our body we use for the bathroom (with the exception of to a parent or doctor as needed). When it is time for the baby to come out Hashem made the body work in special/miraculous ways that this hole stretches and gets bigger all on its own so that the baby can fit through. I did not go into the details of giving her names for these body parts just yet and did not explain how a baby is conceived, though I know that I better start thinking of an answer because knowing her that question is coming sooner rather than later.

amother

Salmon

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 12:33 pm

8 yo DS and 5 yo DD just asked me how the baby gets out.
I said Hashem makes a neis that a tiny hole in the body opens up big enough for the baby to come out and after the baby comes out, it gets small again.
They were fine with that and didn't ask where the hole is.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 2:00 pm

Excuse my ignorance - I have nine kids and a happy marriage.

Why did I understand more like there are two holes - front and back and the baby comes out the front one - why do you say three? (I think in the front one, there's a small tube for urinating - I'm wrong??)

amother

Bisque

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 2:05 pm

amother wrote:

The urethra and vаgina are separate holes.

Have you noticed you can urinate while wearing a tampon?

amother

Gray

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 2:30 pm

amother wrote:

I agree with you in as much as the urethral opening isn't really a 'hole' per se. We do have three openings though.

amother

Azure

Thu, Sep 15 2016, 4:25 pm

amother wrote:

excuse my ignorance do your kids ask how it gets in? do you and when tell them about relations?

I really don't understand the need to explain how it gets in.
What's wrong with "Hashem makes a baby start growing inside the mother when He sees fit."
Why is that so different than Hashem making a seed grow or making the rain come down??