HOW DO YOU ALL DO IT?

amother

Seafoam

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 2:46 pm

I really don't know anyone who works who DOES do it all?
either they have full time help
either they order take out every night
either their house is flying
either their kids and flying and there is no discipline
either they send their laundry out
either they hire a homework helper
this list can go on forever.

do you really know someone who works 40 hours a week, has zero help, makes a fresh hot supper every night by 5pm, does all the laundry, organization, carpools, doctors appointments, and homework time by themselves??!
I certainly do not!

the people who I know who work full time (like the nurses) all have some sort of help- like a babysitter who folds laundry and washes dishes, or their husbands who do the shopping and carpools.

I don't know maybe im just realistic -who knows.

amother

Slateblue

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 2:59 pm

amother wrote:

I am out of the house for 9.5 hours a day which includes the commuting. And still manage to accomplish everything on that list. It takes planning. That's all. It's not that hard. I don't ever have cleaning help. Or a babysitter. And I don't think I'm doing anything so special. I am not bragging.

amother

Babyblue

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 3:12 pm

amother wrote:

You are likely a very organized person and possibly need very little sleep or just very high energy. I'm on the nurse schedule except it's a rotating schedule with different shifts. My off days are spent recuperating from my work days. I can work as few as 1 or 2 shifts in a given week or as many as six days out of 7 (all 12 hour shifts IF I get out on time with an hour commute each way).

And do you have kids? I'm guessing you do or you wouldn't mention not having the help. What do you do with them for the 9.5 hours you are gone?

If I was high energy and had the storage space I'd cook and freeze meals on my off days. It's funny to think of being able to do that. I'm happy if I manage a burger dinner most times on my off days. On the days I work well...lets just say I'm not cooking! Before kids I used to leave my husband with a hot lunch and dinner before leaving for work with the same schedule (and he'd use it for breakfast and lunch then get take out for dinner so was useless). Thank goodness he doesn't expect that now!

Miri7

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 3:19 pm

We are barely holding it together these days. Things got a lot harder when we hit the stage of having middle schoolers and a baby.

As other said, things run a lot more smoothly when we are organized, have a schedule, and stick to it as best we can.

Simplifying dinners is a must, as is staying on top of the laundry. A couple of years ago DH and I made a list of our easiest dinners, and things that we could cook a lot of one night and then have leftovers for another day. We just don't prepare other meals that are on this list, as we don't have the bandwidth.

But we are both still exhausted and I wonder how long we can keep it up

streak

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 3:44 pm

amother wrote:

Um thats impossible. who gets kids out? who is there when they get home? Is your husband helping with house maintenance? a fresh dinner every night at 5 p.m.? Pleae explain. If your husband is helping you out with this then that's how you manage.

amother

Chartreuse

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 3:58 pm

justforfun87 wrote:

Nurse here. Like the previous poster said my kids watch a lot of shows. Sad

The days I work the house is a disaster and we try to play catch up on my days off. Hospital nurses work 3 long shifts a week.

well, that sounds familiar to me. My mom was a nurse and I remember our house being messy a lot (no cleaning lady). I also remember we made our own supper which was fish sticks or frozen pizza or tuna sandwiches. We are all grown now and we have survived. My mom's house is actually neat and clean these days!

amother

Chartreuse

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 4:00 pm

amother wrote:

My kid gets an embarrassing amount of screen time and we get way too much take out. Without my cleaning lady my place would look like a pig sty.

well, I think you have no choice!! You need to let them watch things so you can simply function. B"H you have a cleaning a cleaning lady. Don't worry about the messy days. It wont stay like that forever!

mha3484

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 4:01 pm

I am not the amother above but I feel like I manage reasonably. I don't live in a hotel and food is not gourmet but my stress levels are manageable to me except when I have to leave in the morning ha.

I am gone about 8 hours a day. I take DS to school have about 30 min I try and use for personal calls or bill paying and go to work. I take 30 min of lunch which I use also for personal things. I leave at 5. If I walk I am home 5:15-5:20. We eat dinner around 6. DH works from home with with the toddler but that is his focus hes not cleaning or cooking other then making simple lunches. If work is slow he will do errands like a grocery store or target but Id rather he have work to do. He picks up our older child up at 3:45. Twice a week they go to therapy. This is the biggest life saver I don't know I could this any other way. The toddler also has one morning a week.

I split the errands between Sunday, Amazon and one night a week we go grocery shopping. Laundry is motzei shab/sunday with a load or two towards the end of the week. Cleaning also split between motzei shab and sunday and wed night. As much as DH helps with childcare if he was also working full time the kids would be in a babysitter and not much else would be different.

amother

Slateblue

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 4:43 pm

streak wrote:

Well I have several kids and I make arrangements for late hours where they go to school and then I pick them up after my work. And dinner is ready because it's already made - I cook Sunday for the whole week. It goes in the freezer. Every night is a different hot meal. And no my husband isn't home to help either. I do the homework with my kids too. I guess I have more energy than other people. I do all the laundry too. And all the cleaning on the weekend.

amother

Babyblue

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 4:50 pm

amother wrote:

School and the late hours are what others refer to as babysitting. Babysitting doesn't only refer to times you are home.

tichellady

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 4:58 pm

amother wrote:

What do you make on Sunday and freeze for the whole week? I am looking for ideas. You sound very organized! I think my expectations for a weeknight dinner may be unrealistic so I'm curious what you serve.

amother

Slateblue

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 5:05 pm

amother wrote:

School and the late hours are what others refer to as babysitting. Babysitting doesn't only refer to times you are home.

ok then. Not sure how having a kid stay in school extra helps a parent get dinner ready and go to doctor appointments. And clean the house. And pick up the kids from school. Which is what we're talking about. The discussion was how do you do all those things without anyone doing them for you. No one is doing any of those things for me.
Edited to add: and then once get home (which is already late) have to still feed the kids (meal that just needs to be heated up) and make lunches for next day. While still giving each kid the attention that they need.

I wish I could come home earlier then there would be more time to do everything.

amother

Babyblue

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 5:12 pm

amother wrote:

Helps the parent keep the job which is great. But it's not "all the child care" which is implied by "not having a babysitter". My kid goes out during the day. I don't have a babysitter do all that either. I think many babysitters just babysit and don't do laundry or cleaning. You're still way more accomplished than I am don't worry Smile

amother

Bisque

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 5:15 pm

Until Slateblue I have never met anyone who can work full time, commute, and run a totally organized household (dinners, cleaning, laundry etc.) So instead of the topic being how do you all do it, it should be how does slateblue do it? You are the one we all need advice from!! Is it just that you recognize your strengths and act on them? Do you not get more than 5 hours of sleep a night? There has to be some secret you can share with us that we can also do!!! You say it's not special, but how do you find the hours in the day? Do you ever get tired? Do you have easy recipes? Please share the secret!!!
Of course Hashem created us all differently and it could be what works for you just won't work for me, but I'm all ears if you want to offer advice!!

musicmom

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 5:15 pm

I clean a lot on the weekend. Unfortunately I sometimes feel like my husband thinks I am not pulling my fair weight at home but my full time job is so demanding. My mother in law would like to "help" by taking my kids after school but then I would never see them. She is pretty upset when I asked her to ask me before just picking them up after school. I feel like they see me as doing my own thing and they are supporting my children,but my job is really really demanding and difficult. I do it for my kids, not to avoid them.

zaq

Fri, Sep 16 2016, 5:53 pm

amother wrote:

do you really know someone who works 40 hours a week, has zero help, makes a fresh hot supper every night by 5pm, does all the laundry, organization, carpools, doctors appointments, and homework time by themselves??!
I certainly do not!

Me, neither. I certainly didn't do all that back in the day. I "slacked off" in the hot supper dept. and the homework time dept. But it's the children's homework, anyway, not their mother's. A mother's job is just to remind them to do it, give them the place and tools with which to do it, and answer any questions they have about what to do. That's all. As for hot suppers, well, salmon from a can is just as nutritious as nut-encrusted salmon en papillote.

Oh, yeah, bisque got it in one--what is most often sacrificed is sleep! I forgot about that because I'm so used to sleep deprivation it feels like normal to me.

amother

Orchid

Sat, Sep 17 2016, 2:13 pm

Prioritizing plays a big part too. Figure out what's important to keep up and what you can let slide. I know SAHMs who cook really nice meals, spend a lot of time with their kids doing all kinds of really neat stuff, but their bathrooms never get cleaned. So all mothers, working or not, make priorities of how to spend their time.
I'm a WAHM. I work 30-40 hours per week, but not having to commute is a big help.
I don't cook fancy meals, even for Shabbos. We have a lot of sandwiches and cereal and milk. The two oldest kids know how to cook pasta or eggs, which they make for themselves or younger siblings.
I do laundry every day, throughout the day bcse I'm home, which obviously, if I were out of the house I'd have to do in the evening.
My kids help with laundry. My DD11 and DS9 fold and put away the laundry that goes in their rooms (so theirs and their younger siblings) DH puts away his own clothes, and then I fold and put away mine.
My kids also help with dish washing, even the 3 year old. Of course, what he washes needs to be rewashed, but then it's still easier for me than if he hadn't helped and it's practice for him.
My kids do sweep and do sponja on Friday. During the week my floors are not so clean.
Some weeks I have more energy than others. I make up for lost sleep on Shabbos.
Bathrooms get cleaned when they get really disgusting or we're having guests.
I'm the one to take kids to doctor, dentist, or therapy appointments. Sometimes DH does that during bein hazmanim.
If you're feeling exhausted, just lower your expectations for meals and the house. Check your iron and vitamin D levels to make sure you're not deficient.
Don't feel guilty that you're not doing it all. Don't compare yourself to others.