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Forum
-> Parenting our children
amother
Firebrick
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Tue, Sep 20 2016, 1:51 pm
My husband and I went out and had a high school girl come babysit. We put our kids to sleep first (age 7 and under) and left. Some kids were actually sleeping and some were awake but settled in bed.
We have used this babysitter before but only when kids were sleeping, so she doesn't know them and they don't know her.
So the next morning, the kids told us that the baby was kvetching and the babysitter came in and gave him his pacifier (as per instructions). Then, before she left the room, she gave each of the kids a goodnight kiss on their cheeks.
Sounds pretty neutral, kissing cute little kids, but my kids were quite weirded out by it, as they don't know her at all and had never met her.
What do you think? Would you have her back? I'm not very alarmed at all, but it is a little funny...and the kids were weirded out...
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musicmom
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Tue, Sep 20 2016, 1:53 pm
I guess you are right. She did nothing wrong, but it is strange since your children didn't know her. You don't have to say anything but you also don't have to hire her again.
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Chayalle
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Tue, Sep 20 2016, 1:54 pm
Honestly, she sounds innocently sweet. Maybe a little clueless about boundaries (kids not wanting a kiss from a stranger) but it sounds like she was just trying to be nice and loving.
You could have her back and tell her that your kids felt shy about the good-night kiss.
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tichellady
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Tue, Sep 20 2016, 2:02 pm
Chayalle wrote: | Honestly, she sounds innocently sweet. Maybe a little clueless about boundaries (kids not wanting a kiss from a stranger) but it sounds like she was just trying to be nice and loving.
You could have her back and tell her that your kids felt shy about the good-night kiss. |
Agree
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amother
Firebrick
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Tue, Sep 20 2016, 2:04 pm
Thanks, that's kind of how we felt, but I was interested in hearing someone else's opinion. Thank you.
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momsrus
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Tue, Sep 20 2016, 2:15 pm
She may be used to kissing little kids. I automatically kiss a newborn when I hold one.
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FranticFrummie
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Tue, Sep 20 2016, 2:29 pm
I can't imagine leaving my kids with someone unless I've introduced them first. What if they wake up in the middle of the night and freak out because there is a stranger in the house, and mom and dad are missing?
I think the kiss is just fine, but I'm curious - do you kiss your kids goodnight, or at all? Some parents are very non physical with their kids, no hugs or anything like that. I find it's often a Litvish thing, or a leftover from the Holocaust survivor generation. Not judging, just noticing that sometimes there are cultural differences.
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Ruchel
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Tue, Sep 20 2016, 2:42 pm
What? It's weird? wow... It's so common?
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amother
Firebrick
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Wed, Sep 21 2016, 9:53 am
FranticFrummie wrote: | I can't imagine leaving my kids with someone unless I've introduced them first. What if they wake up in the middle of the night and freak out because there is a stranger in the house, and mom and dad are missing? |
They know we are leaving and they know there is a babysitter coming. We would never leave without telling them. Not practical to have them meet each babysitter first, it's hard to find babysitters and it's not always the same one. They don't freak out because they know she is there and we wake them to tell them when we come home (as per older kids' request).
FranticFrummie wrote: | I think the kiss is just fine, but I'm curious - do you kiss your kids goodnight, or at all? Some parents are very non physical with their kids, no hugs or anything like that. I find it's often a Litvish thing, or a leftover from the Holocaust survivor generation. Not judging, just noticing that sometimes there are cultural differences. |
We are extremely affectionate with our kids!! but they associate hugs and kisses with their immediate family, not a babysitter, even if they've met her once or twice.
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tweek
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Wed, Sep 21 2016, 10:03 am
Something yummy about kids sleeping or tucked into bed that just begs to kiss them!
(Not saying I would do it to strangers, but probably totally innocent)
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amother
Smokey
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Wed, Sep 21 2016, 10:12 am
I would be happy I found a good babysitter that thinks my kids are cute. When I take on others kids in my house I often kiss them. I think a a little kiss is not something that needs to be so overthoughtm it's a natural thing to do... I wouldn't tell my babysitter anything cause you don't want to lose a babysitter that you like over this...
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kollel wife
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Wed, Sep 21 2016, 1:20 pm
I'm finding it a bit weird. If she was primarily giving the baby his pacifier, why would she be kissing them good night? Was she interacting with them as well - they were talking to her. If so that may be her way of saying good night to them. But if she wasn't interacting at all - didn't have conversation with them, that would be strange in my opinion.
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imasinger
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Wed, Sep 21 2016, 2:09 pm
Maybe that's what she sees at home.
Nothing to worry about unless she repeats the behavior after you told her not to.
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momtra
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Wed, Sep 21 2016, 6:39 pm
I think the most important thing here is not giving mixed messages to kids about touch from strangers. I would validate that they told you because they felt uncomfortable about it.
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