Were you raised by a chronically ill or disabled parent?

amother

Azure

Thu, Sep 22 2016, 6:56 am

My mom had MS since I was young and she tried her best to go to important functions..teachers meetings etc. I did not feel deprived and since she couldn't go shopping around a whole mall she would take me to single small frum stores and would buy me as much as she could there even if it was expensive. The rest of my clothing shopping I would do on my own but eventhough it was hard some times at least she was generous and let me buy what I wanted. I has a good childhood and didn't resent her and feel deprived. I understood she was suffering on her own and did my best to manage things that not necessarily other girls my age were doing.

Chayalle

Thu, Sep 22 2016, 7:34 am

My mother A"H was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease when my youngest sister was eight. She tried really hard to be there for her - attending all her school plays, taking her out to shop, etc... - but practically speaking, she had limitations and that progressed more and more as the years grew by. We sisters tried our best to fill in - she spent her vacations with us and our children, she spent Yomim Tovim (with my parents) in our homes, and we tried to be available to her as much as we could. Practically speaking, my mother wasn't feeling well on many days, by the time she was a teen. My father paid for many things to fill in as well - for example, sis went to camp every summer, extra-curricular programs to keep her busy, etc.....My father did not allow my sister to take on a caregiving role in the home, beyond what was normal for a teen to help out (like normal Shabbos prep, etc...) and he hired help for my mother to run the house.

My mother passed away shortly before my sister's engagement - sis was already dating her husband at the time. We're comforted that my mother knew her baby was in good hands.....

ETA: Like another poster said, my parents understood that they could not shop around for bargains for sis, and they paid more for her to have clothes, etc...that she needed even if it was more expensive. When she got married, my father also paid for her to have what was needed, he did not expect us to go far out for shopping, he just wanted her to get married with what was the norm in our community, etc....

Imogen

Thu, Sep 22 2016, 1:50 pm

yes I had a disabled mother, I was loved and made to feel very special. She passed away over 20 years ago but her love and enthusiasm have never left me, OP, a parent's love is the most precious thing, it hurts to see someone you love unwell but positive love is only a good thing and can compensate for so much that life throws at you. I was devastated when my dh become ill with a terminal condition a couple of years ago, I felt cheated that the father of my kids was to become a shadow of himself before facing death, but love once again came to the rescue. Dont get me wrong, health is a wonderful thing, but health can be both physical and mental, a positive loving parent is something really wonderful, I have never felt short changed, my mother was and still is an inspiration.

Amalia

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 12:28 pm

Big thank you to all the posters who shared their stories! It gave me a lot of food for thought.
I would like to bump up this thread so perhaps more people will see it and post more responses? Although I wholeheartedly wish there would be NO more stores to share.
Let's just say I need a lot of chizuk right now....

amother

Rose

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 2:12 pm

Yes. My mother is mentally ill and is stable now for many years. When I was growing up she used to beat me and yell at me all the time. I had a very low self esteem and no social skills growing up and no friends. I married a man who was emotionally abusive to me. I didn't divorce him until I started making friends and feeling better about myself. I love my dh now and if you met me you would never know.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Aug 26 2018, 6:57 pm

Not the same thing but my mom severe hg for almost all 9 months and I am one of the oldest of 12 kids. I definitely felt like she was always sick.
I resented it because I felt like she chose it without asking us if we minded taking over running the household and eating cereal &milk and sandwiches until we learned how to shop and cook.
I think the biggest thing would have been collaborating, asking the kids how they feel, what they need, and remembering that young teens are still kids and there is a lot a mommy can give even if she doesn't feel well

amother

Babypink

Sun, Aug 26 2018, 7:02 pm

My mother has been sick for years and almost didn’t make it a few Times. She got sick when I was very young and I was kind of forced to raise myself. Now, many years later, I was diagnosed with the same condition that she has which is genetic and I’m heartbroken.