Selling heirlooms to pay bills

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amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 9:49 am

My parents and dh's passed on some very valuable and sentimental heirlooms to us that belonged to their parents. We are having an extremely hard time financially and literally do not have money for necessities- important bills, food, diapers, etc. We already have a few loans and cannot afford to take on more debt. We are not eligible for any government assistance. We have approached our parents in the past and they told us they are simply unable to help. We are not reckless, just a simple, hard-working, frugal family struggling to make ends meet. With all of that in mind, would you sell heirlooms to help get you through a tough stretch? My dh would like to. I am not sure if it's the right thing to do but I cannot it think of an alternative...

Delores

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 9:58 am

Sell it to someone in the family who can appreciate the sentimental value.

amother

Burgundy

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 10:01 am

Don't do it.
You will regret it
At best you'll get pennies on the dollar.

This is a very hard time of year.
Start of school and YT.
For some we haven't worked all summer, because we work in school, and we need the break.

Is there something extra you or DH can do?
Maybe start an on line business, perhaps making those pretty edible gifts like dipped chocolate rods packaged pretty with a theme.
Or on another post, can DH offer sukkah building services, or help sell lulavim and esrogim.
Ask for extra hours at work?
Tutor in the evenings?

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 10:09 am

My gut is telling me not to, but what else should I do? Crying

greenfire

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 10:53 am

something that is handed down from generation to generation is meant to be unceasing to future generations as well ... whilst diapers come & go into the landfill

amother

Burgundy

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 10:54 am

Let's figure it out
How much will you need to get by this month?

Rent
Utilities gas, electric, phone, Internet
Monthly food bill
Monthly toiletry/cleaning supply bill
Health Insurance
Car payment
Car insurance
Gas
Tuition
Childcare
Loans

YT extra food (I think it comes out to 7 extra 2 RH, EYK, 4 Suk/ST)
Etrog, Lulav, Sukka

Anything else I'm missing.

How much will you be in the red?

Sorry to interfere and ask such personal questions,
But if the selling the items won't even make a dent on the expenses then it's definitely NOT worth it.

They won't give you the true value of what it's worth.
You"ll be lucky if you get 10% of its real monetary value.
And there will never be enough money to pay its sentimental value.

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 11:28 am

Yes, it would make a dent- diamond jewelry and some other pieces. I know diapers just end up in the garbage, but we really need them. So please don't make light of it. It's a hard enough place to be without the cruel jokes.

amother

Jade

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 11:42 am

Diamonds have very little resale value. Gold and silver have some, but it probably isn't as nearly as high as you think.

If diapers are breaking the budget, maybe there's a diaper gemach in your area? Have you considered cloth-diapering? It can be done on a tight budget. We did it without being in such extreme circumstaces but I'd hope for most people that's less of a sacrifice than giving up family heirlooms with more sentimental than monetary value.

happy12

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 12:18 pm

If your in Brooklyn pm me with diaper size.

studying_torah

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 12:22 pm

Op, why not go to a few places to get an idea of the how much you will receive and then decide if it's worthwhile to sell.
In the meantime, there are wonderful ladies on this site that have helped one another in similar situations. If you feel comfortable posting your location, maybe we can help with basic necessities.

amother

Puce

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 12:52 pm

amother wrote:

It's easy to say "don't do it, you'll regret it" if you've never been in a situation where you were literally facing eviction, bankruptcy, or serious financial ruin. Years ago we sold my engagement ring when we were desperate.(maxed out our credit cards and being threatened with foreclosure) I felt very sad doing it but we had no options and it bought us some time.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 1:18 pm

Delores wrote:

Sell it to someone in the family who can appreciate the sentimental value.

Exactly, heirlooms are meant for future generations.

yamz

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 2:46 pm

OP, my hearty goes out to you, truly. I am so sorry you are in such a predicament and I sincerely hope your financial situation improves greatly in the new year. That said, if you can possibly avoid selling heirlooms, don't sell them. Here's why: you are in dire financial straits, and the sale will provide you with some reprieve, but it's only a temporary reprieve. Sure, you'll be able to make necessary purchases and maybe even pay some of your most pressing bills this month, but what about next month, and the month after that? The money will have gotten used up and you will be right back where you started, minus the precious heirlooms. The bills still keep coming. The sale won't change your situation. Life happens. Unexpected expenses pop up all the time, unfortunately. There is no sense in giving yourself breathing room for one month and following it with years of regret.

amother

Beige

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 4:07 pm

This is such a hard decision, I know it must be tough for you to figure out what to do.

It's something that I have given a fair amount of thought to for myself. My perspective is as follows: What's the resaon that heirloom's have value to us? Because they are a part of our family and remind us of those who are no longer with us. But, when I think back to those people who are missed, I think what would be more important to them. What would have been more important to my great grandmother - her candlesticks or that her family has food on the table? What would have been more important to my grandmother - her jewelry or that her family isn't homeless? What would have been more important to my grandfather - the paintings in his house or that his family has heat in the dead of winter?

I also think about how my kdis might view it - that they are more important to me or that antique books are more improtant to me? That they have food to eat is more important to me or that my grandmother's silverware and china is more important to me? That they have electricity and gas so they can function is more important to me or that an antique watch is more improtant to me? What good are all these objects if my children are starving and my family is homeless? How will my children view me if I make those choices?

Obviously, the decision to sell an heirloom isn't an easy one, and is very emotional. But I think it's important to think about what your ancestors and family members long gone would have though was more important. And how your current family will view it.

I think that if you need to sell the family heirlooms to live and care for your family, then you should do it. It's true that you may feel bad about it. Even for a long time. But take the time you need to grieve, and it's okay to miss the heirlooms when they're gone - it really is a grieving process.

I wish you much hatzlacha and monetary brachas for the coming year.

Shuly

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 7:06 pm

I would sell certain heirlooms to buy a house.
I would not sell them to pay bills or buy groceries.

Do you have a local tomchei shabbos?

amother

Tan

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 9:54 pm

I know this might sound crazy but I started coupon and when thing got really hard I started doing more coupons and apps I got diapers for never more then 3.99 a bag even free. detergent I can get a bottle for .99 or less shampoo, Tooth paste, tooth brushes and cereal all free. I get no help and had to fiuger out how to get by and I did. there are may blogs and you tube channel that teach you how to coupon. my husband at first was like not so into what I was doing then he saw how much we were saving he became so on bord

lovingmother

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 10:36 pm

OP if you feel comfortable posting where you are I happen to have a surplus of diapers, size three and size six.
Besides for that I also don't think you should sell for the reason mentioned above, you gave away your diamond ring, and it bought time, but it didn't solve your problems. So in this case, it will help for a month, but it won't solve the problem, and you will most likely feel really bad about it. Meaning, if your family is literally starving, you need more than just a months reprieve, you will need to eat the next month also.
As uncomfortable as it is, it might be best to contact Tomchei Shabbos or your Rav, in some communities the Rav gives out money collected to people who need it.
I hope it all works out.

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 11:52 pm

I am really disturbed by those suggesting taking tzedaka as opposed to selling these items. If someone truly needs tzedaka there is no shame in accepting help. But if you have a way to generate cash by selling off your stuff, even sentimental stuff, it's a busha to take tzedaka.

studying_torah

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 12:45 am

What about pawning for a loan? This way you get money but don't lose them forever

amother

Crimson

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 12:50 am

amother wrote:

Maybe they could take an interest free loan from a Baal Tzedakah, with the jewelry as collateral?

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