Has imamother helped u?(finding some threads so offputing)

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 3:21 am

I'm new here on imamother and I've read a few of the recent posts and subsequent responses and am amazed (and a bit horrified) at some of the vicious responses. some you could call attacks. some are just rude. (and this is all hiding behind the cloak of 'amother' - which I'm doing now too because I don't WANT to be attacked!)
I'm honestly curious - has imamother helped you? do u half-hate it/half love it? have you ever posted a question and found the answers to be honestly helpful or uplifting? Did any particular thread help u or have a substantial impact on your life in any way???

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 3:28 am

When I have had a very serious question here I have davened to Hashem that it is He who decides who sees the thread and who decides to write and probably even what they write and I have davened for clarity. I find this usually helps. There ARE some very nasty people on here (well....people who sometimes say unkind things) but the vast majority are not like that and some people are indeed very wise and very generous with their time and I have been helped by them tremendously.

grace413

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 3:33 am

Yes, Imamother has definitely helped me. From advice and sympathy regarding raising my kids to more mundane matters like where to shop for certain things.

Of course there are rude people - just like in real life. On the other hand there are many posters who post with kindness, wisdom and empathy that I am inspired by them.

Another things I like about the site is that I've learned a lot about various types of Jewish practice and that I've become acquainted with people I never would have met in real life.

B"H, I have plenty of real life friends, but sometimes it's nice to vent to people who you won't meet in the street tomorrow.

Many women here have been helped in a variety of ways.

Iymnok

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 3:44 am

A lot has to do with the tone and presentation of the opening post.

If you are looking for support or have an inquiry, word it carefully in a way that leaves no doubt and don't put in information that would distract other posters from your real intention.

If trying to solve a problem, try to explain fully and clearly. This gives us the whole picture from the start.
Making new paragraphs and using good spelling and grammar lessens distraction, making an easier read.

I've seen a lot that when a woman posts while she is still very upset, the responses are more aggressive. It seems to me that the intense emotion in the OP is reflected back in attacks on the original posters integrity and middos.

Ideally one should read the OP, sit for a moment and feel for her, think of a response, read the others to see if it was posted already, then post sensitively.

Many ladies have been helped tremendously here.

chani8

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 4:34 am

I'm sorry some threads are . . . bothersome.

I actually see several people trying hard to keep the tone positive.

If a thread is ugly or a specific post is cruel or rude, feel free to hit the "!" button. The mods will then pay attention and possibly take control of the situation before it gets really bad.

Also, you can tell that some posters write OPs just to fire people up. Those people like controversy. If you dont like that kind of stuff, then avoid those threads.

imasinger

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 5:52 am

Iymnok wrote:

I have gotten everything from profoundly helpful personal advice to great recipes.

And I agree with the bolded 100%. Very, very well put.

In general, when I find myself getting emotional about posts, it works to step away from the board for a while.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 5:57 am

IMHO, it depends on the attitude you bring to the board. We are still in galus, and until Moshiach comes (soon and in our days!) everything in the world will be 50% good and 50% bad. It's up to you what you do with it.

I choose to use problematic threads as a way to become more compassionate and understanding. I stay open to learning new things, especially from people I disagree with. I have received immense support, helpful advice, and boosts to my emunah. I daven daily for those of us who are struggling or in pain.

In short, choose the good, and use everything you see as an opportunity to work on your middos. Gam zu l'tova, everything is from Hashem.

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 5:59 am

Yes, Imamother can be a tough place. When it gets to be too much, I take a break.

I have learned a lot about different aspects of Jewish life here. I hope I have been able to help others.

I originally came to Imamother for shopping help, and it's very good for that. I'm not sure it would be my first choice for a sticky personal situation, but now that I am accustomed to the culture, I would know to take the advice that I find helpful and "bleep" over the rest.

amother

Linen

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 6:39 am

chani8 wrote:

I'm here for the recipes! Some threads are entertaining, others sad.

amother

Smokey

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 6:49 am

actually imamother helped me a lot especially in one area. I use to read all these [filth] threads and all the SA moms would say it has nothing to do with your body it's just their disease and many other comforting things and when unfortunately when I found out my DH is a s-x addict I was able to feed my brain these ideas and stay calm and be proactive to get into therapy etc.

allthingsblue

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 7:34 am

Imamother helped me find a job, a Fitbit friend, excellent shopping deals for my toddler, and has told me what I need to know about many things.
Also, it helped me with shalom Bayis issues and with raising my toddler correctly.

amother

Tan

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 7:44 am

Yes and no. It helps keep me up-to-date with what goes on in the RW frum world but by exposing me to what certain RW frum people really think of my brand of Yiddishkeit, it does nothing to foster my Ahavas Yisroel. Quite the opposite. OTOH, now I know what these people think of me and people like me, so maybe that's a good thing.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 8:17 am

amother wrote:

I believe that Hashem sends certain people to you to strengthen your middos, even while challenging them. It's easy to have Ahavas Isroel for people who agree with you and are nice, but that's not what Ahavas Isroel really means. It means recognizing the spark of the divine in each person, regardless of the package it's wrapped in, or how deeply it's hidden.

Only by dealing with people who are difficult for you, can you develop the insight to see past their surface behaviors and see their soul. Think of it as if you were working out at the gym, you have to build up the muscles. Sure, you'll be sore and achy a lot, but it's the only way to get stronger.

Maya

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 8:59 am

cnc wrote:

Op I totally understand what you are saying. If you look through threads from earlier years, you will notice that the tone and atmosphere has really changed over time.

I wonder how true this is. We've had some very self righteous posters here ten years ago. My impression of what's different is that now more posters are willing to go up against that and "fight" back, whereas it seems that ten years ago the demographic was less diverse and most women shared similar views.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 9:00 am

cnc wrote:

Op I totally understand what you are saying. If you look through threads from earlier years, you will notice that the tone and atmosphere has really changed over time.

In what way?

Maya

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 9:02 am

To answer OP's question, Imamother was my first exposure to the lifestyles of the non-Chassidish. Imamother changed my life by being the single biggest influence in finding a better way for myself and my family. So yes, it's been helpful.

MiracleMama

Mon, Sep 26 2016, 9:04 am

I have gotten great advice and great support in some tough and sticky situations, not to mention great recipes plus learned about many things I was never aware of. Are there negative, hostile posts? Yes, sometimes. But usually those things turn into 14+ page long threads I'm not going to read anyhow so it doesn't bother me.

Like most things in life, you pull out the good from the bad. Nobody is forcing you to read all the bickering back-and-forth fights here. Move on to something else. You control your eyes.