How much did upsherin party cost u?

suzyq

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 11:12 am

I didn't keep track of what I spent, but my guess it was around $200-$300. Paper goods, food (I did bagels for one upsherin and pasta for the 2nd), decorations, goody bags - probably around $200. Custom cake - $40. Haircut was $40. Entertainment (one upsherin got balloon animals, one got face painting) - around $35. We had the upsherins in our house, each had about 35-40 people attend. It was basically a birthday party that included a haircut.

yenta2

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 11:13 am

amother wrote:

There were many gedolim who held the whole idea is nonsense and stems from "chukas hago-yim".
Waiting to cut and making a party was a major custom of superstitious religions (India/Hindu) as well as European religions.

Not even talking about the expense. But that's crazy too. It's a 3 year olds party!

What the ....
Can you tell me what gedoliem

amother

Seashell

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 11:41 am

Jeanette wrote:

I do not think there's any correlation between how much you spend on an upsherin and how valuable and meaningful the custom is to you.

Can we replace "upsherin" in the sentence above with "bar mitzvah" or "wedding"? Or are you picking on this particular custom because it doesn't mean anything to YOU?

Because clearly people do feel that they want meaningful milestones in their life to be celebrated in a special way that will create a high level of enjoyment and special lasting memories. Often this means spending money to make things "nice". If this wasn't true, we would just make weddings in our backyards and serve pizza, right?

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 11:51 am

With my first, it was a big deal, I spend $1000. I had married late, he was my only kid and even though I was pregnant with my second, we had had infertility etc and there uncertainty over how big my family would be. Plus there were lots of relatives in town and a grandparent that was sick but could still fly in. So we rented a space, got catered food, a professional barber, a clown, a choo choo train aleph bais cake, a video, etc. Pekelach, table decorations, it was gorgeous. That day was a big thunderstorm and only 30 people showed up. But still, it was a really nice party.

This year IY"H I have my next son's upsherin coming up. It's 7 years later, and my husband is in aveilus. I don't even know what we are allowed to do. I am toying with either having coffee and cake in my house for family only, or making it at his 3 year old nursery school. No time, no patience, no cheshek or halachic allowance to anything big.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 12:09 pm

Jeanette wrote:

I do not think there's any correlation between how much you spend on an upsherin and how valuable and meaningful the custom is to you.

Maybe not how meaningful the custom is, but I understand what that poster is saying.

I waited very long to have my baby (SIF), and he has serious medical issues. G-d willing, if I can afford it, he will have the party of the century for his upsherin. I can't explain the reapson for it, it's just the way I feel.

amother

Powderblue

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 12:48 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I get it. I recently had my third son. I'm a very down to earth and practical person and generally make simchas tasteful but frugal. But he was premature following a scarily complicated pregnancy and his bris was delayed a couple of weeks because he was in the NICU. While I didn't go all out, I did go for a few extras I didn't go for with the older boys. I felt like he really deserved a special celebration.

Jeanette

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 1:08 pm

amother wrote:

Are you insinuating that because we make simple simchas we don't value the custom or the milestone?

You are proving my point.

imasinger

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 1:09 pm

amother wrote:

So op does this thread give you any idea of what you should spend???? Wink

Good luck working it out (I find these things difficult too)

Mazel tov

I love this.

Somewhere between the outside numbers on this thread, 0 and $10,000+ will probably work for most people.

It ultimately comes down, as all financial matters do, to what our values are.

IMO, as long as the expenditure matches what you think is the appropriate percentage of your budget for such a celebration, you're fine.

The problem comes if you feel pressured to keep up with the neighbors. Or the imamother posters.

Spend what makes sense to have a joyous celebration, and is in keeping with your values and your budget.

If everyone did this, we could all go back to harping on important matters, like which presidential candidate is the biggest jerk.

amother

Seashell

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 2:14 pm

Jeanette wrote:

Are you insinuating that because we make simple simchas we don't value the custom or the milestone?

No.

Some of the loveliest simchas I've been to have been fairly simple.

What I'm saying is that for many of us, we want to enhance the specialness of the event - be it upsherin, bar mitzvah, wedding, whatever. We want to do everything we can to make the occasion festive, fun and memorable. So we are willing to spend what we can afford to make it extra nice.

I don't think it should be so foreign to anyone to grasp this. Why do most ladies want silver candle sticks when aluminum does the same job? Why do we want our husband's to have a nice kiddush cup? Why do we try to set a beautiful table for shabbos and serve special food that doesn't resemble what we might serve for dinner on a wednesday night? If we would light tea lights, use a disposable plastic cup for kiddush and then eat chicken fingers and fries friday night on cheap disposable plates, it's still shabbos. But the tone is different. The atmosphere is different. It just is. Same idea really.

Again, we could all save a lot of money having weddings in our yards and serving pizza. The couple would still be married. No big deal. But the point is that we (well, most of us I guess) recognize this as something worth celebrating in a manner more befitting the occasion. It isn't just a dinner party. And an upsherin isn't just a kid's birthday party.

Jeanette

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 3:29 pm

amother wrote:

I'll just stick to what I said before: I don't believe there's a correlation between how much you spend and how much you value the custom or mitzvah.

Some people can't afford more than the basics. Some people can afford more but lavish simchas are just not in their value system and they feel their money will be put to better use elsewhere.

Some people work hard all week and can't manage elaborate shabbos meals. Maybe they do use tea lights and paper plates. They honor shabbos every week just by keeping the day holy.

I don't have an issue with fancy simchas if that's what you want to do and you have the money. To me it's in the category of a Florida vacation. Nice if you can do it but not a mitzva.

shooting star

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 4:55 pm

Too much. lol

But I couldn't think of too many better options. Basically, it was mostly friends from our Shul since those are typically the people we share these types of simchas with. Those are also the people that our son knows best. It was a big milestone for my husband as well as our first-born son so I think that influenced the way we treated the party.

The number of guests we invited wouldn't have worked in our house so we had to rent a place. That was $500, which seemed to be typical of most hall/room rentals in our area. Then we catered food because I just couldn't handle making and/or arranging it myself with the number of hours I'm currently working. It wasn't a meal, just snacks but with a server to help setup/cleanup. It was about $1500 for 70 people. I think the caterer could have made it less as I had originally asked based on 100 people and they didn't cut it down much.

Then I spent $160 on entertainment for the kids and about $450 for decorations, disposable tableware/plates/utensils, small toys that we gave away, and misc. costs.

So total cost was somewhere around $2600 to $2700.

However, I've seen people who do one in their house for less money and other people who have done sit-down meals for more money. I think it just depends on the individual situations.

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 5:23 pm

I did everything myself (wasn't working at the time, though... although I was pregnant I think) -
For 1 of my sons, I worked out a deal with the rabbi of the shul who didn't charge so long as we left it EXACTLY the way we found it, which of course we did. with another son, it was nicer weather so we made it in the park under shelter (if it had rained it still would have been there...)
I made all the food myself. Made the tziziz and yarmulke cake myself (out of rice krispie treats!! - super cheap and easy and very cute) provided drinks & snacks, plasticware, made cheap pekelach myself. I also wrote a cute poem and printed it out on regular color printed paper (hello? the only one who saves the invitation is you!) hired the barber (he charged regular rate, $15), my friend was a photographer, no charge. we didn't have a video. all in all, I think we spent maybe $400.
maybe this is controversial so I'm going amother here - but we got more than that back in cash gifts for the opshern boy so we paid ourselves back for the expense (money was very tight at the time. Still is!) and then the rest went in my sons bank account.