Need Help Saying it in a nice way

amother

Bisque

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 7:27 am

Some people do more talking telling others to be quiet than the original talkers were doing in the first place. Have an announcement made in shul and post a sign on the wall. I think that's the best route.

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 7:48 am

Unfortunately this behavior is so ingrained in the culture at some shuls that there is little you can do. Reminding people to keep their voices down or to take their conversations to the hall is bound to backfire.

Lead by example. If greeted during davening, respond very briefly saying "let's talk more at the kiddish." Then stick your nose in your machzor and follow along.

amother

Royalblue

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 8:17 am

I guess I'm just venting.
I don't want to be upset on RH.
This past Shabbat I literally had 2 ppl sitting on each side of me having a conversation with me in the middle.
I couldn't move to another seat, because there was a big bar mitzvah, and no seats were available. Also to get up and leave, I would have to make the whole isle stand up for me.

How rude is it to give someone that is talking those little pamphlets "Stop The Talking In Shul" like just hand it to them while they are talking.

Maybe instead I should daven for them to understand the importance of staying quiet in shul.
Maybe I should have rachmanut on them that they didn't learn any better.
How do I get to this level?
I know if I have rachmanut on them Hashem will have rachmanut on me?
But still it's hard.
How do I internalize it

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 8:28 am

IMHO it would not be any more rude to hand them a pamphlet than the behavior you describe, but very likely to result in backlash.

Probably better, if people are actually talking over you, to say, "excuse me, but could you please continue your conversation later."

If they were bar mitzvah guests who do not typically attend your shul - grin (or grimace) and bear it.

MiracleMama

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 8:35 am

amother wrote:

At least switch with the one on your left or the one on your right. Yes, they will still be talking right next to you, perhaps still very much annoying you, but anything is better than 2 people talking across you. I hate that.

amother

Royalblue

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 10:10 am

Iymnok wrote:

A few times I saw the rabbi get up from his seat, stop the chazzan and stood next to him until there was silence.
It worked, but was used rarely.

They do this too doesn't really work.

imasinger

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 10:14 am

Hugs. It's a big problem.

When we remember that mussar is only appropriate when we think the listener will take it to heart, we have very little recourse.

Sometimes, it can help if there is an announcement before musaf, reminding people that the time for socializing is at the kiddush, and please let's make our davening count.

But this often doesn't work either.

Iymnok

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 10:15 am

amother wrote:

They do this too doesn't really work.

So set up some couches in the foyer so they could schmooze in comfort away from those who are trying to have a meaningful day. Confused

Hire teenage ushers, I mean shushers?

bluebird

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 10:56 am

MiracleMama wrote:

Asking to switch will also get your point across.

amother

Royalblue

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 1:03 pm

Iymnok wrote:

So set up some couches in the foyer so they could schmooze in comfort away from those who are trying to have a meaningful day. Confused

Hire teenage ushers, I mean shushers?

It's funny you say that we have something like that in the lobby.

amother

Royalblue

Wed, Sep 28 2016, 1:04 pm

bluebird wrote:

Asking to switch will also get your point across.

I ended up doing that. They didn't get the point.
They thought I was just being nice.

B"H for R"H I'm sitting at th end and the person next to me is my mom.
She for sure doesn't talk.