Please help me plan my bar mitzvah

Raisin

Wed, Oct 05 2016, 12:39 pm

What is standard in your community? Are you planning a kiddush? A seudah?

We did a small seudah just for his class on the day of his birthday. At home, schnitzle, rice, dessert. Plus a kiddush and a party on sunday.

I've known kids with ASD lein and give speeches...abilities vary widely.

rainbow dash

Wed, Oct 05 2016, 12:42 pm

We are planning for him to say the bracha at least. Have a kiddish in shul and a party in a hall. He has speech problems which make it difficult to understand him when he talks too fast

Chayalle

Wed, Oct 05 2016, 12:43 pm

My brother is on the autistic spectrum - what they used to call Aspergers/PDD. I actually missed his Bar Mitzvah, as it was the day after my DD was born. But my parents made him a regular dinner in a hall, same as for my other brothers. He also had a Shabbos Kiddush in shul, where he was called up for an Aliyah, though he didn't lein.

Raisin

Wed, Oct 05 2016, 12:46 pm

rainbow dash wrote:

We are planning for him to say the bracha at least. Have a kiddish in shul and a party in a hall. He has speech problems which make it difficult to understand him when he talks too fast

I was just at a bar mitzva and the kid had speech issues. He said a very nice speech, which the mother emailed to the guests after the simcha. (you could also print it out and give it to the guests as your son says it) If its not to stressful for your son I think it is a great idea for him to do a short speech. He can read it, no need to learn by heart. Guests will hopefully be tolerant of his speech issues.

What else do you need help with? Menu? Decor?

SixOfWands

Wed, Oct 05 2016, 1:07 pm

rainbow dash wrote:

My ds is having bar mitzvah next year. Please help me. This will be my first time. He also has asd so I dont think he will lein or give a speech.

Tia

Mazel tov.

What does he want to do? If (eg) he feels uncomfortable at large parties, don't make one for him, even if that's what's "done."

Re the shul portion, I've seen kids with learning differences do a wide range of things.

If he wants something more low key, he could be called to the Torah on a weekday, or Shabbat afternoon. Since he's not leyning, it might be nice if his father leyned his aliyah.

He could lead mussaf, if he's interested, since clear enunciation is less important.

If he wants to write a speech, but not give it, its possible your rabbi could incorporate some of his thoughts into his own speech. ("In thinking about this week's parsha, I talked to Yitizi, our bar mitzvah boy. Yitzi said ....")

One friend brought her son to Israel to be called to the Torah, then she had a nice kiddush for him when rosh chodesh fell on a Sunday.

rainbow dash

Wed, Oct 05 2016, 1:11 pm

Yes I need help with everything. Im a very list person. I write everything down. I was planning on sending an email to everyone not to compare him to his cousin thats having a bar mitzvah the next week etc. Some people will be understanding, some people will be like, oh come on, gimme a break. Also I wont be having any of my family members there cause I dont have parents, my family in Israel probably won't come and the rest of my family is in Australia. I told my bil this and he said that thats life and that my dhs family is my family.