Annual Staff Dinner - to go??

Laughter123

Mon, Oct 10 2016, 12:41 pm

It's that time of yr... appreciation dinner. Of course I wouldn't eat, just come have a drink, socialize. I try to maintain my distance in general but I also feel it's important to be warm and a nice colleague. I make small chat when I'm at work, always smile and offer help etc try my best to be mekadesh shem shamayim ... but then try to keep busy. There was a point when I made it my business not to eat when they did but then I felt they thought it was weird then some started questioning if I ever DO eat am I anorexic?! In a joking way but they truly did wonder (trust me I do!! Just ate at different hrs). What to do...

imasinger

Mon, Oct 10 2016, 12:45 pm

What does your boss say?

At some companies, they are happy to order kosher meals for such an occasion. Is it something you feel like you could ask?

nursemomma

Mon, Oct 10 2016, 1:17 pm

I would go. IME, bosses can take these things personally if you don't show. Imagine offering someone a token of appreciation, and they decline. You can either ask for a kosher meal, or just bring your own snack to nibble on, or like you say, stick to drinks.
If you feel uncomfortable, you can always try to sneak away early. Main thing is your boss/colleagues know you were present.

essie14

Mon, Oct 10 2016, 1:25 pm

I worked in corporate America for many years and was always provided kosher food at all staff meetings and dinners and parties. It wasn't the most fun but I feel it's important to show you're a team player and attend these things. I generally left earlier than everyone else but always made sure to show my face for a respectable amount of time.

HonesttoGod

Mon, Oct 10 2016, 1:27 pm

Go, drink and eat fruits and veg.
I also work with non-Jewish coworkers and whenever they organize a drinks night or such I go and either drink a coke or nothing at all. They know that I am Jewish and respect that.

The bigger an issue you make out of it the bigger of an issue it will be.

rachel6543

Mon, Oct 10 2016, 1:33 pm

If you don't want to explain kosher or ask for a kosher meal to be provided, you can just say you have strict dietary restrictions and are unable to eat the food. (I don't usually mention it's a religious dietary restriction and many people just assume I have food allergies. I prefer to keep my privacy and keep my religious life seperate from work as much as possible. ). I often do that at work related catered events. There are sometimes catered work lunches at my office. It's not worth it for me to ask for kosher meals, I just prefer bringing my own lunch or snack. Occasionally people look weird or ask a question, but I don't make a big deal about it and it's never been a big issue. Plus my own food is healthier than whatever is being catered.

Laughter123

Mon, Oct 10 2016, 2:00 pm

Op here: my concern is not the food at all! They know I eat kosher and yes even offered to order. It's the mingling issue I have. They will be having music and dancing too. They allow spouses to come as well

imasinger

Mon, Oct 10 2016, 2:09 pm

What is your minhag about socializing? Do you eat with the other gender? If you arranged to sit between two women, would that solve anything? And why would the dancing be an issue for you? You're not going to danxe. I assume your DH wouldn't come?

Is this whole thing a question for your rav?

rachel6543

Mon, Oct 10 2016, 2:36 pm

Laughter123 wrote:

Well, in my opinion it's generally a good idea to make an appearance for annual work events like this. You don't have to stay for the whole event, but stay for the first 45 minutes to an hour or so and then leave early.

DrMom

Mon, Oct 10 2016, 3:44 pm

They are offering to order kosher food for you. IMO, you should act like a "team player" and at least show up and stay for some respectable duration.

You don't need to "mingle" any more than you do at work.

debsey

Mon, Oct 10 2016, 3:57 pm

OP, I totally get the discomfort. If you're not used to mixed-gender socializing it can be terribly jarring, plus there's all that difficulty about shaking hands, etc. I suggest asking a shailah. This way, if you're told to go, you know you're not transgressing anything.

If you do go, one way to avoid the whole hand-shaking awkwardness thing is to hold a drink the whole time (like a glass of coke) - it kind of signals that your hands are full, so then when you just say "Hi" instead of shaking hands, it feels less awkward.

I'd make an appearance - get there super-early, before the dancing starts, and leave as soon as is decently possible.

Laughter123

Thu, Oct 13 2016, 8:24 am

It's not the discomfort at all! I'm fine with it. I was wondering if it was inappropriate. I feel as if I'm going to a movie or some dance club by joining. I mentioned that spouses are coming as a safety net for me. Was more referring to the mingling aspect. Of course my intention is to have good relations with the coworkers amd make a kiddush Hashem but don't know why still feels weird. I wld Likely come towards the last half hr chat a bit then go

HonesttoGod

Thu, Oct 13 2016, 10:19 am

You don;t have to take part in activities that you don't enjoy. Mingling is not a problem especially if it is for parnassah and this is. Being a team player and involving yourself in all aspects of the job includes going to work events.
Personally I love work events, they are a fun relaxed way to have some enjoyable time with the people I spend all day with.