S/Owhat are the not academic/outcasts from your class doing?

amother

Lime

Mon, Oct 10 2016, 10:40 pm

The other thread got me thinking....

I was the kid who came to school wearing the same uniform a bunch of times in a row, even if it was dirty. I hardly had any friends, almost never said a word at all, always sat in the corner of the classroom, and never joined in any activities. I had an undiagnosed learning disability and so did not to well in school.

B'h if you look at me today, I'd say I'm pretty successful (got a degree, worked through things in therapy...). I have a beautiful family and great dh....

I remember once in high school a teacher telling the class that based on experience with her own class, it isn't always the most popular, smartest... girls that are the most successful after school is over. I didn't believe that then, but b'h my own experience proved it right.

My heart really goes out to the kids in school who are like I was.... and I was just wondering if my own experience was an exception or if its not uncommon? What are the girls in your class (or you if you fit that description) that didn't do well be it in learning or socially doing now?

amother

Plum

Mon, Oct 10 2016, 11:29 pm

I was the kid who came to school in ripped clothing and didn't shower every day, because I didn't know better.
I did have friends when I reached high school, and still have an undiagnosed learning disability.
I acted out in school because l went through a very traumatic personal experience through my school years.

I can't learn visually, so I never took notes and my books were a mess.

I was shy and self conscience and had no social skills.

I now run a department in my company, and I have 10 people working for me, and we are highering management under me, in order to expand my department. I am being trained by the top professional in my field in the entire state. People love working for me, and with me. My department is bringing in a quarter of our company's total revenue, and it's expanding.

Point of the story-I was nebach in school, and yet today, I am successful in business.

amother

Lemon

Mon, Oct 10 2016, 11:57 pm

One of my classmates married a guy with mental health issues and is now divorced with two kids who have similar issues to their father Sad

Another got married at 17 to a very smiley looking chassidish guy. Has now married off her oldest child and she is only 36!

Another one who was really really not coping academically at school, married a guy with a haead for business. He became a wealthy man by the time he was 30 ish.

amother

Beige

Tue, Oct 11 2016, 8:46 am

I have found that the school setting is not a representation of real life because it is a constricted limited setting whereas in real life, there are so many more opportunities. If the school is not diverse, it is limited to a certain type of people and environment that may not be conducive for every person to thrive in. Being academic or intelligent is not guaranteed to make you successful in life. There are other qualities that may be far more important for success such as creativity, resourcefulness, being open to new ideas and experiences, ambition, persistence ...I was more successful in life than in school because I had more choices. I was able to find like minded friends and aqcaintances of all different ages and walks of life. I didn't have much in common with the specific group of girls I went to high school with. I realized that they were not even close to being a representation of what's out there. In school, you're expected to excel in every subject. In life, you can specialize in one field you are exceptional at and succeed in that.

amother

Mauve

Tue, Oct 11 2016, 9:06 am

I didn't know which thread to post in. I was probably the brightest kid in my class but I was gifted and went through trauma and abuse so I wasn't really interested in succeeding at school.
I never received my high school diploma because I refused to retake all the little quizes and tests I failed.
5 years later most of my classmates are struggling financially or are just about making it. The few whose parents are wealthy are still being partially supported.
Thank god I am married to a shrewd businessman and we are financially comfortable on our own and well on our way to becoming wealthy.

amother

Sienna

Tue, Oct 11 2016, 9:23 am

My husband never did well in school because he has ADHD. He is extremely bright, but was disruptive (which meant being removed from class, and thus missing class) and also wasn't so on top of his homework, which affected his grades. He dropped out of college, got involved with a tech startup and is now bh very successful and has a C-suite job. I'm bright and always got straight A's all the way through graduate school, but I was also a great student. My school skills have unfortunately not translated to life skills. The kids who do well in school aren't necessarily the brightest, they're the ones who are the best at playing "the game", that is to say, meeting the expectations of school- sitting still for hours a day, taking note, doing homework. A lot of very intelligent kids struggle with that and do poorly in school, even though the material itself is easy. But there's a lot more diversity in work, and kids like that can find work that values theirs strengths and do well.

ectomorph

Tue, Oct 11 2016, 9:38 am

One outcast got married and is in an abusive relationship. I lost touch with her after that.

Another is a sahm. Seems happy enough on Facebook.

Another is an older single struggling with mental health issues. Has been successful in terms of getting degrees but not in getting a job. I see her at chasunas once in a while.

The less academic students I know all did well in life. None are doctors or lawyers but they are good at whatever they do.

amother

White

Tue, Oct 11 2016, 10:08 am

I am an outcast married to an outcast. We are both from very poor families. I grew up with a lot of abuse.

Our biggest accomplishment is that we have an amazing, strong and stable marriage and special dc.

We put my dh through school. He took an entry level position and within one year was moved into management and is a major player in his international company. He learns everyday and never misses shachris and maariv.

I am a PhD starting to work for the government with amazing benefits including hours and a great salary. I love being a mom and I love my job. I really do something important for the public which was essential to me if I was leaving my children. But, I do work really hard.

We just bought our first home -small but beautiful. We didn't fit into the wealthier neighborhoods because we just don't live that way even if we could. We don't wear the latest fashions and we are more than fine with hand-me-downs. We are still in our 20's.

All of this is due to Hashem and His gracious kindness. Many people work hard. Success is in His hands. We are so fortunate to have His brachos. We are so fortunate for our pasts, Hashem knew where we needed to be to become who we are today. (This does not mean we don't have scars.) Many amazing people have and continue to help and give to us with open hands and we could not be where we are today without them.

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Oct 11 2016, 10:18 am

I wouldn't describe them as outcasts since some were popular enough but the 4 least academic girls in my class: One has pretty severe special needs. She still lives at home with her parents. (in our late 30s now) The second has some type of mental health issues and is not married but works in childcare. The third is happily married with kids (later on in life) and works as a beloved preschool teacher. Another married young and works in a catering business.

amother

Indigo

Tue, Oct 11 2016, 5:21 pm

I graduated Bais Yaakov in Boro Park around ten years ago. Out of 250 girls, there are easily 20 'outcasts' that I keep in touch with.
One who had borderline special needs is still single and based on our occasional message exchanges she is in a bad place religious-wise and emotionally, although she formed a group of friends after HS.
Another lives somewhere in the south and is dating a non-Jewish black young man.
Another 5 are happily married with kids.
Another is not religious at all but lives a good, rewarding life.
Another was in rehab for alcoholism and is rebuilding her life now.
One had a nervous breakdown shortly after graduation Crying

I often wonder if things would be different had she been cared for in high school.
Another is a nurse practitioner.
Another married a Harvard law grad and has her psyD.
Some are single and seem to be doing well.

I feel like that's a lot of tragedy for one grade, but maybe the statistics work out. If my child is a social outcast I'm taking her straight out of school. Sad

amother

Wine

Wed, Oct 12 2016, 4:31 pm

amother wrote:

In response to the title of the post: interesting topic but please note it's possible to be both an outcast and academic (I am both....) [what smile12345 said]

amother

Lavender

Wed, Oct 12 2016, 5:10 pm

I was both an outcast and one of the top students in my grade. I outgrew the outcast part in 10th-11th grade, but before that I was the geeky nerd who was into literature, technology, philosophy, and classical music, not into the popular bands and social gossip and camps and fashion like most girls in my class.

I have a great career, bH, and as much as I shined academically in high school and college, life after school has been more fulfilling and meaningful for me. I was a free spirit and never had the freedom I needed in school to really develop myself fully.

nicole81

Wed, Oct 12 2016, 7:38 pm

I went to a specialized academic high school that was admission by exam only, so everyone there had to have a certain baseline level of academic ability. However I was the student that never applied herself; I never studied, frequently missed assignments, and cut classes and school on a regular basis. Funny enough, I'm now the assistant principal of a high school myself Smile

amother

Azure

Wed, Oct 12 2016, 9:42 pm

so funny, cuz the outcasts were mostly social outcasts in my class. most were academic. 1 is a very succesful doctor,married right away, big group of friends,wonderful husband,family and parnassa. 1 is finishinh a phd ,is very sought after for hire, had a huge social group,and dating seriously(she told me they are iyh waiting a bit before taking next step)
1 is happilu married, and bh married rich. dont know if she is working but isnt interested. Another has a new group of friends, very popular, dressed beh gorgious and wonderful family.
1 lives with her boyfriend, isnt frum
I once.told some1 in high scholl that as stressful as it is, it is a tiny stepping stone. real life starts later. all the girls I knew who were outcasts learned in scholl to deal with adversarys and keep on moving. learning to struggle(as hard as it was!) gives u tools for success...all the succesful girls in my school stayed in their bubbles, still see each other but I dont think they deal well with other types....I spoke 2 one about a girl in community and she wasnt handling dealing with her so well cuz she wasnt her type.
.and.all these girls are.either sahm, or not doing much. not that I am picking in sahm, just theu arent so succesful
I was.an outcast
bh have great job and family, however still have social anxiety becausr of school...

amother

Coffee

Thu, Oct 13 2016, 12:05 am

I had a classmate with selective mutism all the years in school, she literally never spoke a word in school. I used to call her in the evening sometimes and I knew she was a bright girl and had what to say but she gave an impression of the opposite. She got married a year out of school and moved away to an out of town community, I haven't seen her since, almost 15 years, but I heard she made herself a beautiful life there, has a family and is involved in the community.
I'm so happy for her that she was able to break away from everyone here and took the courage to start afresh.

Me personally, I'm similar to what a previous poster said, I didn't have room to be myself while growing up. I developed into myself slowly after school and BH I'm so grateful to Hashem for my life now.