DS's Play Date Dilemma (long)

amother

Papaya

Thu, Oct 13 2016, 5:20 pm

Not too long ago, DS (who is in preschool) had a play date with a classmate. The mother of the friend initiated it. Initially, she requested it be at her house, but my DS did not like the idea of me leaving him by himself (as well as another reason which I will mention below) so it ended up being by me. At the end of the play date my DS and I walked the friend back. Once there, my son ran into the house and was having a blast. After about 10 minutes we walked home and my DS told me he wants to go back there for a play date.

So here is my dilemma... besides the fact that DS did not want to be left alone when I asked him, I personally do not feel comfortable leaving my preschool aged son alone by people who I do not really know. I have seen the mom and dad by school a handful of time, but there was never really any back and forth. Normally when DS has play dates, the mom stays and chats with me or I stay by her house and chat. With this mom, however, I just sense that she is not interested hanging around to chat. Which is totally fine, just because our sons are friends doesn't mean that we need to be...
So I don't know what to do. My son had a lovely time with this boy. And now it is "my turn" to initiate. I just don't feel comfortable leaving him by himself by people I don't really know. I feel weird asking to have the play date by me again, especially since my DS had such a great time by their house. I definitely don't feel comfortable with asking to stay since she just doesn't seem interested.

WWYD? I feel like maybe I should just leave it alone, but that would be a shame since my son had such a great time. I also don't want to come off as snobby :/

P.S.
These people seem really lovely and it is not something personal with them. I would feel the same way regardless of the parents. My rule is, if I don't know you, my kid doesn't stay by you. I was never the type of parent to leave my kids with babysitters and nannies that I do not know. This is just a parenting choice and doesn't not reflect on the parents, since they genuinely seem like nice people.

anonymous because I gave away a lot of info and could be easily identified.

Rutabaga

Thu, Oct 13 2016, 5:37 pm

Just call up the mom and tell her that the kids had such a great time playing together and you'd love to get them together again. See if she's amenable to the idea. Then tell her that your child is still too young to be comfortable at a play date without a parent and you'd be happy to come along if they prefer to host the play date or you'd be happy for their child to come to you with or without a parent as they like.

amother

Papaya

Thu, Oct 13 2016, 7:02 pm

imasinger wrote:

Great idea, about a Shabbos meal.

It might be worth thinking about whether this will always be your policy, and if not, at what age would you allow a child to play at a home where you didn't know the parents well.

For your DS's age, it's a fine rule, but perhaps not so much by middle school?

Yes this rule is only for when they are young. Once they are mature enough I would allow it.

amother

Papaya

Thu, Oct 13 2016, 7:14 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

can you invite the family for a shabbos meal before arranging another playdate?

It would be lovely to get to know the mom and then have play dates. But as I have stated, it doesn't seem as though she has any interest in schmoozing and getting to know me. I don't think it's a personal objection towards me, though.

I hope that makes sense. None of this has been communicated, of course, these are only my assessments.

amother

Papaya

Thu, Oct 13 2016, 7:19 pm

Rutabaga wrote:

Do you think she may find it offensive that I am not ok with leaving my child alone, but she is? It has a bit of negative undertones, I think...

tichellady

Thu, Oct 13 2016, 7:21 pm

amother wrote:

You are making lot of assumptions about her. Maybe you caught her at a bad time or she doesn't like small talk. I don't really see any dilemma here- invite the Kid over to your place for now and invite the family for shabbos so you can get to know them. It they don't want to come then they will make an excuse why they they can't come. No need to overanalyze her - I have many friends who told me that at first they were sure I was uninterested in being their friends. No idea why but their intuition was totally totally off.

amother

Papaya

Thu, Oct 13 2016, 7:26 pm

tichellady wrote:

Thanks. That is reassuring.

amother

Lavender

Fri, Oct 14 2016, 5:19 am

I am just like you - I wouldn't leave my daughter alone at someone else's house until she's older. Just tell the mom that your daughter isn't completely comfortable being alone at someone else's house and ask if you can tag along, but you are happy to just sit on the couch and read a book so you won't get in her (the mom's) way; and alternatively, you'd be happy to have the play date at your house instead if she prefers. That way, she can choose but you are with your child either way.