Older Single Girls Vactioning in Israel & Looking for Meals

amother

Jade

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 2:21 am

I am a bit confused and maybe you can give me a better prospective of this. We are in Israel for the Chag and staying at a hotel. We walked into older single girls that we know by face and they were hinting to me to invite them for meals. Hotel meals cost approximately $150 to $250 for each guest. Am I supposed to pay for these girls? I believe most of them are staying in hotels but didn't pay for the meals. I understand its Chag and they don't want to sit themself. But is it okay for them to expect a random stranger to host them and pay for them. Can't they maybe just pay the hotel directly and get meal vouchers and then ask families to sit with them? These girls take several vacations a year.

Tablepoetry

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 3:08 am

Very strange. How can you 'host' if you are a hotel guest?
I would have just said we would love to see you, but seeing as we are hotel guests and cant host meals, lets meet for coffee or pizza on chol hamoed. That lets you out gracefully.

I really dont understand how people can pressure others to host them. My kids knew that was impolite by the age of eight.

(As a side note, they probably dont realize the meals are so expensive....that is an expensive hotel).

DrMom

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 3:14 am

Tablepoetry wrote:

Very strange. How can you 'host' if you are a hotel guest?

You can do this. You can arrange to pay for extra guests at meals and have it billed to your hotel bill.

I have to say: $250 for a hotel meal is outrageous! I didn't know hotels charged $250 even for a Pesach seder.

Tablepoetry

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 3:31 am

DrMom wrote:

I realize you can do that, but in my mind it's something you arrange if your grandchildren are in town or something. I cant imagine a mere acquaintance expecting you to cover a hotel meal for them.
It's not a casual hosting situation where it's no big deal to throw another cup of rice in the pot and add more chicken.

Liebs

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 3:59 am

It's very possible they meant to sit with you and they pay the bill....but I wold be nervous in case they would not pay the bill!
I have older single friends here for Succos and they eat out most of the meals but do like to be invited to the big hotel meals. But I do not mean a hotel meal that costs that much. Some people do a meal for a 100 people and order outside food...those are the meals they like to be at so can be more chilled and anonymous instead of feeling like beggars.
It's a hard call. They are in so much pain being alone. Many come here to run away from their families that are hosting married children with grandchildren from their younger siblings!
It's painful for them and I feel for them, but you definitely don't have to pay for it!!
From my experience with my friends - they appreciate the honesty.
"I wish it was free to have you sit with us, we'd love your company but his hotel is a fortune! If you guys plan on pre ordering meals and eating in the hotel, your are more than welcome to ask them to put your seats at our family table."

amother

Jade

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 4:31 am

They are looking for somebody to pick up the tab.
Back at home before we left neighbors were looking for us to take care of their kids that are in Yeshiva or Seminary for the year. I don't understand where people think its okay for them to ask. There are those that enjoy throwing meals for fifty strangers in hotels but too me its a waste of money and I would rather give the money to chairty.

SixOfWands

Fri, Oct 21 2016, 10:03 am

amother wrote:

Where I come from, we call that "desperation." So many of the yeshivas and seminaries close for Sukkot. While a lot of the kids rent places through Air B'nB for chol hamoed, they want to be with a family for the chag itself. And if you're like us, without close family or friends in Israel, you're up the creek without a paddle. I would gladly have paid for DS1's meals, and a place to stay, and a gift for hosts, had any friends been at a hotel when he was there. (In the end, the parents of one of his friends rented an apartment. He slept in their living room. They fed him, and I sent them flowers and a tray of food on chol hamoed.)

Just another perspective.

amother

Jade

Sat, Oct 22 2016, 3:59 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Several years ago we were in Israel for Sukkos. We treated our friends child for several meals at the hotel since she had no where to go. Her mother never called to say thank you and not a gift was given. We felt used.

amother

Mauve

Sat, Oct 22 2016, 4:26 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Having just hosted 7 seminary kids for shabbos, I am totally sympathetic to their plight. The girls in the op were older than that, traveling under their own steam. They should know better. If they are part of an affluent community where this kind of hospitality is the norm, they might not realize that they are out of touch with most people's reality.

amother

Blush

Sat, Oct 22 2016, 9:36 pm

Op you must be staying at the Waldorf. Assuming that you can afford to pay a minimum of $600 a night or more for a bigger room with a ten day minimum that these girls think you have the money.! You say it's a waste and you would Rather give it to Charity that's such a bad attitude this is charity.

Don't you feel bad for older single girls that obviously don't feel comfortable being home for Yom Tov so they run away. Why is that not a cheesed if you can afford it to give them a nice Yom Tov meal. This is all assuming you can afford it but if someone is staying in the Waldorf I hope they can afford it and are not there just to hang out with the rich crowd.

Also if you are so into charity why don't you rent an apartment and with the money you save give that to tzedaka and then you can host many needy people for a lot less money.

Again what bothered me was you writing you
Don't want to do it because you would rather give that money spent to charity.

amother

Cobalt

Sat, Oct 22 2016, 10:19 pm

amother wrote:

Wow, that was a lot of judgement!

Here are all the assumptions you made in one short post:

-They're staying at the Waldorf.

- Either they're rich, or they're trying to keep up with the Schwartzes.

- These older singles are running away from home bec they don't feel comfortable there for yom tov.

- They should rent an apartment and give the money to charity. And they should host a lot of needy people there.

You don't know anything about why and how they're there, or why those girls are there. So it's a bit ludicrous to make all these assumptions.

amother

Blush

Sat, Oct 22 2016, 10:31 pm

The Waldorf is the hotel that charges $200 to $250 a meal that's not An assumption. This is a fact.

Someone else wrote that these singles run away from home because it's too painful to see siblings having grandchildren. If someone was comfortable at home they would stay home.

And I never said that op can't enjoy her Yom Tov what bothered me was that she wrote that she would rather give that money to charity so if that was the case stay in a cheaper place and give more money to charity. I didn't like her self righteousness that she couldn't do a chesed because charity is more important. Op wrote that I just continued her post.

Again she doesn't have to host these girls but instead of coming on here to complain about their chutzpah of asking for a meal come on here and thank Hashem that you are married and have money to spend so much on Yom Tov and try to think of a shidduch for them.

WhatFor

Sat, Oct 22 2016, 11:03 pm

amother wrote:

And why are you amother?

DrMom

Sat, Oct 22 2016, 11:46 pm

amother wrote:

Sorry but this assumption is ridiculous. Their siblings have children... so they have to book an overseas vacation during peak season? And after splurging on such luxuries they are owed meals from strangers?

Why can't they order hotel meals from their own hotel? Or if they are staying in an apartment, order take-out or cook?

They are adults, after all. Just because they are single does not mean they are helpless children.

If somebody wants to host these women, that is their prerogative, but nobody (esp someone who does not really know them) should feel obligated and guilted into paying hundreds of dollars for fancy meals for them. Paying hundreds of dollars for luxury meals for vacationing women is not "chessed."

amother

Wine

Sat, Oct 22 2016, 11:50 pm

Older singles who can afford a trip to Israel should not be shnorring meals from people staying in hotels. That's just wrong. Either have enough money to eat in the hotel you are staying at, or buy takeout and eat in your room, or rent a cheaper apartment and make meals, or arrange before to eat with friends that live there who are happy to see you and spend time with you (someone you have a relationship with). It's just weird - why would they even want to eat with people they barely know?

And I was an older single who only took trips I could afford. In the beginning, simple places with simple motels and tuna fish, and as I worked myself up the corporate ladder, kosher hotels in various destinations around the world.