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How do I help my son?



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amother
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Post Thu, Oct 27 2016, 11:05 pm
My 9 year old son is a very bright boy. Up until second grade he was top of his class academically and his rebeim adored him. He is not very socialable. Actually was picked in a lot in primary. We helped him learn to stand up for himself etc. he now has friends but still not a social bug. Over the past two years we have seen him acting immature- lots of giggling etc and have been hearing from the rebeim how he seems spaced out a lot and not paying attention. He knows what he learnt but def spaces out. He s also the type to constantly leave homework sheets in school, forget to write down hmwk etc. he is very sloppy and has a hard time with time management. His this years rebbi says he fidgets in his seat and switched him to a back corner seat so he doesn't distract the other kids.
(I called the rebbi and explained that he has to be suiting in front if the rebbi so he can focus - hopefully he'll change his seat, although he really doesn't want to. )
I want to help my son- but I don't m know how. We live in Lakewood.
Who can help him? What type of specialist or program would help him focus more, be more socially settled, and help him behave in the classroom more? Would a program like neorolinks be good for this?
My heart aches for him. He s really such a good kid !
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amother
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Post Thu, Oct 27 2016, 11:46 pm
amother wrote:
My 9 year old son is a very bright boy. Up until second grade he was top of his class academically and his rebeim adored him. He is not very socialable. Actually was picked in a lot in primary. We helped him learn to stand up for himself etc. he now has friends but still not a social bug. Over the past two years we have seen him acting immature- lots of giggling etc and have been hearing from the rebeim how he seems spaced out a lot and not paying attention. He knows what he learnt but def spaces out. He s also the type to constantly leave homework sheets in school, forget to write down hmwk etc. he is very sloppy and has a hard time with time management. His this years rebbi says he fidgets in his seat and switched him to a back corner seat so he doesn't distract the other kids.
(I called the rebbi and explained that he has to be suiting in front if the rebbi so he can focus - hopefully he'll change his seat, although he really doesn't want to. )
I want to help my son- but I don't m know how. We live in Lakewood.
Who can help him? What type of specialist or program would help him focus more, be more socially settled, and help him behave in the classroom more? Would a program like neorolinks be good for this?
My heart aches for him. He s really such a good kid !


Sorry for repost - trying to figure out how to make title more specific
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esther11




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 27 2016, 11:49 pm
The spacing out and fidgeting sound sensory, perhaps request an OT eval? Also maybe the rebbi would be ok with your son sitting in the front corner. This way he's near the front but out of the line of vision of majority of the class.
The disorganization, forgetting stuff, and time management are all types of executive functioning skills, which also can be addressed by an OT, so again I'd recommend requesting an eval.

It is possible there is something else going on but that's what I would do!
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 27 2016, 11:54 pm
He does not need a program like Neuro links. He needs practical, down to earth help on the ground. I would make an appointment for a neuropsych evaluation as soon as you can get one and follow the recommendations.

Because an evaluation can take time, you should also start some practical measures in the meantime. I'm just brainstorming here but you can also look for in person professional help with these things:
1. Teach him better ways to fidget. My new favorite is to attach a keychain to his belt loop (nice strong one so it won't be going off and on in class) with something he can fidget with quietly. Like the springy bracelet keychains or something with texture. The belt loop attachment keeps it out of distracting line of vision.
2. ELIMINATE added sugars and colors from his diet. Just Do it. Consider fish oil supplements. Both have a more proven track record than Neuro links...
3. See if a teacher can help with reminders about writing down homework and getting sheets in the right folders. back up by checking and organizing him at home yourself, making sure to clear out finished things as well. If the teachers aren't able to help maybe he can get a homework buddy peer. have him compare homework lists with his buddy to make sure he got it right.

Giggling can be an anxiety thing, I wouldn't jump to "immature" unless there are other reasons for thinking that way.
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Oct 27 2016, 11:54 pm
esther11 wrote:
The spacing out and fidgeting sound sensory, perhaps request an OT eval? Also maybe the rebbi would be ok with your son sitting in the front corner. This way he's near the front but out of the line of vision of majority of the class.
The disorganization, forgetting stuff, and time management are all types of executive functioning skills, which also can be addressed by an OT, so again I'd recommend requesting an eval.

It is possible there is something else going on but that's what I would do!


Thx, can anyone recommend a good ot in Lakewood for this?

Any other ideas and opinions greatly appreciated as well!
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amother
White


 

Post Fri, Oct 28 2016, 12:11 am
seeker wrote:
He does not need a program like Neuro links. He needs practical, down to earth help on the ground. I would make an appointment for a neuropsych evaluation as soon as you can get one and follow the recommendations.

Because an evaluation can take time, you should also start some practical measures in the meantime. I'm just brainstorming here but you can also look for in person professional help with these things:
1. Teach him better ways to fidget. My new favorite is to attach a keychain to his belt loop (nice strong one so it won't be going off and on in class) with something he can fidget with quietly. Like the springy bracelet keychains or something with texture. The belt loop attachment keeps it out of distracting line of vision.
2. ELIMINATE added sugars and colors from his diet. Just Do it. Consider fish oil supplements. Both have a more proven track record than Neuro links...
3. See if a teacher can help with reminders about writing down homework and getting sheets in the right folders. back up by checking and organizing him at home yourself, making sure to clear out finished things as well. If the teachers aren't able to help maybe he can get a homework buddy peer. have him compare homework lists with his buddy to make sure he got it right.

Giggling can be an anxiety thing, I wouldn't jump to "immature" unless there are other reasons for thinking that way.

Thank you seeker, was hoping for your expert opinion here!
Do you know of a good person for the neuro psych eval? What may that lead to?
-
Also, what type of supplements / vitamins would u suggest?
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 28 2016, 12:12 am
I don't know about Lakewood but if you can handle a small trip just for the eval, I recently received a top level recommendation for OT Miriam Manela in Passaic. She has a website, google it for her contact info. Your local department of ed should be able to provide a free, timely evaluation with potential for free follow-up services but given your specific description I would go with a quality private evaluation as well, you can pass along her recommendations to whatever therapist you might use in the future.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 28 2016, 12:33 am
amother wrote:
Thank you seeker, was hoping for your expert opinion here!
Do you know of a good person for the neuro psych eval? What may that lead to?
-
Also, what type of supplements / vitamins would u suggest?

Haha I do tend to stick my nose into school issues... can't resist. This is what I do.

I don't know Lakewood, though.
I have heard good things about Tzipora Koslowitz. I don't think she's a neuropsychologist so she may not be able to provide an actual diagnosis but I've heard she has a gift for figuring out what's involved in the problems and providing well-targeted recommendations.
I also heard from a friend who used someone in, I think, Teaneck. Or maybe it was Elizabeth. I don't remember but it was Not-lakewood, NJ LOL Anyway I can dredge up that old email if you're interested in traveling north and paying a lot.

The eval would lead to clarification of what could be causing the issues as well as recommendations of how to address them. I could make some guesses but won't because I don't know your son and I'm a decent guesser but not a trained formal evaluator.
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amother
Orange


 

Post Fri, Oct 28 2016, 1:24 am
I second an evaluation
to me it sounds like it could be adhd as I had this with my son
bright but social issues and immature
boruch Hashem now he is treated for ADHD in a number of ways and is doing great.
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naomi2




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 28 2016, 9:03 am
there are a few conditions that cause the following symptoms:
lack of focus
fidgeting
can be super super bright
lacking social skills
disorganization
im not diagnosing him, just repeating what you described in your post. please get an eval.
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polka dots




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 28 2016, 9:23 am
Sorry didnt read all posts so maybe im writing what others already wrote. It seems like he had quite a few things pointing to adhd. I would have him evaluated and see where that takes you. Talk to the principal, you might be able to have it covered through your district.

In the meantime brainstorm how you can help him be on top of his schoolwork so he doesn't fall behind. Even if you are not teaching him long term skills now, just help him out. Like having the rebbi make sure his homework is written down, or creating a checklist that he chacks every day before leaving to school....
good luck
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amother
Natural


 

Post Fri, Oct 28 2016, 9:33 am
Sorry to hijack this thread. I have similar issues with my 7 year old son. He's smart but lacking social skills, fidgeting, lack of focus. Seeker, do u know of good eval in boro park? Also, I tried chaim neuhaus for social skills group (he needs help socially) but he's not doing any groups now & he recommended the jewish board. Does anyone have any experience with them, are their social skills group good? Or who else would you recommend in boro park for social skills?
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myym




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 28 2016, 10:06 am
I had simlar issues with my son also starting second grade. It seems to be the age where these things come out. He had a mild processing disorder, so you can go to an audiologist to see if it is that. the spaced out part can be it. or ADD like others have said.
Definitely have him evaluated for services, such as OT. There is not much else you can do if it is a processing disorder. Just extra support.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Fri, Oct 28 2016, 10:31 am
My son was also bright and also bullied a lot when he was little. We got on top of it by second grade too. But it definitely affected his learning, classroom behavior and attitude to school work, and his maturity and social interactions acting immature etc.
we don't live in US where everything goes direct to evaluation . this made me nervous but then I saw the bright side. He was never pegged and boxed.
His issues mainly were a result of his very damaged self image and self value. Being very insecure. Bullying is so destructive. Although he was a happy golden hearted good kid this also helped everyone deny the suffering and experiences he was going through. since at least in the beginning his teachers didn't stand up for him his attitude to teachers etc was also negative.
Easier to destroy than rebuild. It took many years to rebuild his trust in teachers himself and his self image. And it happened progressively with a lot of encouragement, positive talking, belief. A lot of demanding cooperation from teachers. And then demanding firmly from him because that showed we believed in him. He was capable. Now at the upper years of elementary school for the first time he is one of the top in his class learning with real enjoyment. Socially accepted. We still have conversations about emotions and how important he is even if he is very mevater no one may let out on him etc. Last night we had another one. Just in the last ten months we saw huge extreme changes as he tested us negatively-negatively-negatively. And when I wanted to break but kept going and suddenly he saw it was real. We meant it. And he switched gears to be where he is now. Boruch Hashem.
This may be very different to all the recommendations you will get here from the institutions. But its very real to me. I see the difference. In the states he would have probably been put in various therapies diagnosis and labels which would have been very hard to crawl out of. To fulfil his true potential. so just to give you a different perspective.
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 28 2016, 10:52 am
Pewter amother thanks so much! I wish this would be worked on here as well. Everyone needs to be in a box here. Unfortunately.
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amother
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Post Fri, Oct 28 2016, 11:10 am
Thank you e/o for your responses! I am in the educational field for 15 years, and I'm therefore hesitant to have him "" labeled" because I know that even though people are very accepting etc. etc. it really causes them to view a child very differently…
I know some of you will deny that but as a high school teacher I have seen the long-term effects.
I am not going to bury my head in the sand; I do want to help him.

For those of you suggesting evaluating him, how does one go about evaluating a child in Lakewood? I have absolutely no experience with this and have no idea where to begin - what do I evaluate him for? Who do I take them to? Who do I contact?
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Miri7




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 28 2016, 11:48 am
I have friends who got a neuropsych eval for their kids and then decided whether or not to share the diagnosis with the school. So you can get the info you need and then decide how to proceed.
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