4 Year old with a Pacifier

amother

Gold

Thu, Nov 03 2016, 2:23 pm

pesek zman wrote:

Why are you so sure that it has to be one or the other (paci or thumb)? I never offered paci and my girl never sucked her thumb. Is that so unusual?

I don't think it's unusual, but it's not really up to you. None of my kids ever took pacifiers. 2 of them them didn't suck their thumbs either. My baby is all about the thumb. That's how he soothes himself. I didn't encourage it, he just figured it out himself. Right now it's not an issue but I know down the line I'll have to break the habit, and it won't be as simple as a pacifier would be. You can get rid of pacifiers, but not thumbs... Oh well, I'll figure it out when the time comes.

pesek zman

Thu, Nov 03 2016, 2:38 pm

amother wrote:

Yes! I have a newborn bH who will not settle down with out his paci! I am going out of my mind trying to get him to sleep with out it. I hate constantly having to re- plug and re- plug the paci.

How did you offer comfort or get her to sleep?

I don't believe in 'plugging' to quiet or soothe. I figured out the source of the problem. Whether it was hunger, tiredness, teething etc. My baby was as an infant (and is as a young toddler) very whiny. If I had a lower tolerance for her whining then I'd plug her in but I beleive she's trying to tell me something and I aim to figure out what that is. I sing a lot (nonstop when she was younger) and when she was a young infant, I rocked her to settle her. I sleep trained several times using numerous different methods at different stages. It may also be that my husband and I both didn't grow up with pacis. He's British and we believe that in England they're called dummies for a reason. I see that for a lot of babies (and a lot of parents) pacis have a purpose (and people swear by them!) especially when infants are very young. But it wasn't something I ever offered and I wouldn't change a thing for a second child

MadameX

Thu, Nov 03 2016, 6:49 pm

amother wrote:

Give your newborn a paci! recent research has shown that pacifiers reduce risks of SIDS, lo aleinu.

"According to Hauck, one SIDS death could be prevented for every 2,733 infants who use a pacifier when placed to sleep (3). The AAP recommendations are as follows: Offer a pacifier at nap time and bedtime. Do not force an infant to use a pacifier."
quoted from this website , but other websites (such as mayoclinic) say the same thing.

Yes they are a nuisance when they get older, but that can be dealt with then.. if you bably likes it, then give it to him.

And for anyone complaining about thumb sucking, it has been shown that it is actually beneficial.
"Children who suck their thumbs or bite their nails are less likely to have atopic sensitization in childhood and adulthood"
Source Here

Edited to add that I do not believe these are habits that should continue throughout childhood, of course, but are not such terrible things to do in infancy. If anything, they are beneficial.

shooting star

Thu, Nov 24 2016, 9:04 am

I think understanding the the reason for using the paci is key to make the transition.

My 3 year old son recently started using a paci because he saw his younger sister doing it. I explained to him that he has big kid toys that his sister can't play with because she is a baby. He protested a bit but gave it up once he realized keeping his "big boy toys" and staying up a bit later before bed as a "big boy" was more desirable. My situation, however, is different from a situation of a child who had the paci all along.

If its for sleep maybe you can offer to get a new stuffed toy for sleeping as incentive/reward to give up the paci? Just a thought.

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Nov 24 2016, 8:37 pm

Not OP, but also facing a weaning attempt with my 4 year old DD.

For starters, she has no speech or dental problems at all.

I'm not worried about "a few nights of grumpiness" - but rather her complete inability to self-soothe and sleep for MONTHS. I don't know this of course, as I haven't tried this, but she's so SO addicted that I can't imagine this would blow over in a matter of days.

(For the record, when I was weaning a different child from breastfeeding at age 2, I was told he would cry at night for a week...guess what...it was 6 months).

Aside from using it to sleep, it's really the only way she can calm down :-(

She literally depends on this paci like food and water.

Is there an approach that says she will give it up on her own when she's bigger and self-motivated to stop engaging in the "babyish" activity? This worked for my thumb, which my parents could not get me to stop sucking despite every prize and chart system possible. Eventually, at age 9, I was so embarrassed and miserable I stopped on my own.

Maybe I need her to lead the way, so to speak, lest it will be unduly traumatic? She relies on her paci like the air she breathes.

amother

Powderblue

Thu, Nov 24 2016, 9:09 pm

amother wrote:

Literally exact same as you!! It's the only way my 4 year old will fall asleep.
We tried getting rid of it about 1.5 years ago and took her 3-4 hours to fall asleep. After 2 miserable weeks we have it back to her.
I'm ok with her having it just for bed but people think I'm crazy.

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Nov 24 2016, 10:28 pm

Op thank you for posting this and thank you to all the posters that responded... you inspired me to have a talk with my 4 year old dd about her pacifier!
It went surprisingly well. I explained that big girls don't have pacifiers and listed a few names of people. Then I said that when she is ready to throw it in the garbage she will get a prize. She immediately handed it to me! (It was at night) she had a bit of a hard time falling asleep and at one point I asked her if she wants it back (!) and she said no! Its been a couple weeks and it's great! No pacifier!
Now onto the 3 year old...not happening that fast, she's much more attached to it...

amother

Seafoam

Fri, Nov 25 2016, 7:40 am

amother wrote:

I weaned my very mature 2 year old off the paci after the dentist told me it had to go, and she was only using it at night. We talked about it for a while that the dentist said it would ruin her teeth and then I took it away cold turkey. A week of sleepless nights and that was it. She understood why it has to go, just took time to adjust. If a 2 year old can understand then a 4 year old definitely can. Do it cold turkey

My fear is not that she won't "understand," but that she is simply too addicted to cope without it. When she comes home from her long day at school, she needs to just suck for a half hour and relax. When she is upset about XYZ, she can only calm down with the help of a paci. This is not a matter of simply needing "explanation" that a paci is bad. We are way beyond that. She uses it to help herself cope with life.
And given that she doesn't in fact have speech or dental problems, I wonder if I should just let the chips fall where they may and let her self-wean when she's old enough to motivate herself (as I did with my thumb when I was 9).

amother

Pink

Sat, Nov 26 2016, 2:45 pm

amother wrote:

We literally JUST did this on Sunday with my (also very mature, very verbal, very very VERY attached) 4 year old daughter! She was having dental problems (she's going to need major braces, but that's also genetic, she has the same small jaw as I do) but no speech problems at all. But we had just come back from a visit to the dentist who gave her a "talking to" and wanted to ride the wave...so we bit the bullet, threw all the pacis away, and settled down for a few nights of no sleep. She was also a kid who knew pacis were bad intellectually - we had many, many conversations about it - but freaked out whenever we talked about actually doing it. I waited far too long because I thought it would break her heart Sad

We had only recently moved to having the pacis only at night!

Oh man, it was rough....but only for the first couple nights! The first night she cried hysterically for about an hour (I cried too!), but then settled down (in our bed, though) and took about 2 hours to finally settle enough for sleep. She did wake up about every 1-2 hours, but I would go in, stroke her forehead, and she would fall back asleep. The next night, fell asleep in our bed, also took about a good 1.5 hours to settle enough (aka, stop talking) and fall asleep. We moved her to her own bed when we came upstairs and she only woke up every 3-4 hours. The third night she was back in her own bed from the start, and it only took about an hour until she was asleep. The next night, a little less. By last night (Friday night, night 6) she had no problems being in her own bed and it only took her about 30 minutes to settle down, which was basically how long it took even when she had a pacifier (she's VERY energetic).

I am SO SO SO relieved it's over - it's been on my head to do this for 2 years - and I was SO pleasantly surprised on how she's doing! I guess I prepared for the absolute worst, so it could only have gone better than that. She can't completely undo all the damage she did to her teeth, but it will get better, and I think the longer I would have waited, the worse it would have been. She probably would have self-weaned at some point, but it was really bad for her teeth.

Oh, and I told her if she doesn't use a paci the whole night, she could have any toy she wanted, and so the after the first night we went right to Target and got her a scooter. She's going to get another prize after a week, and she's really doing fantastic. I'm so proud of her! OP, do it, I was someone who was sure it would scar her for life, and my DD is doing great. You'll feel so much better once this is off your head.