A gerus needs help with bas mitzvah planning

amother

Papaya

Thu, Nov 03 2016, 3:01 pm

I've never done this before. We live OOT in smallish MO community. I don't want to do what everyone else does--I.e. public dvar Torah for the girl to say in front of the whole community with large meal catered for the entire community. More importantly she doesn't either.

I would like to do an "in-town" style party where it's just my daughter, my daughter's friends, close family members with short dvar Torah from her and me probably.

I need to know the steps and expectations. Are invitations like bar mitzvah invitations sent or is it usually more informal?

Are the activities usually Jewish themed or based on girl's preference?

Our house it too small for such a group so we would have to find a venue which would probably eliminate a "cooking" activity.

All ideas are welcome, please!!!

tichellady

Thu, Nov 03 2016, 3:04 pm

There's a big spectrum of what people do. You can do paper invitations or email invitations. The theme depends on your preference- we try to incorporate some chesed/Torah component into the theme that relates to the bar mitzvah girls interests.

imasinger

Thu, Nov 03 2016, 3:33 pm

It would be a good idea to touch base with the administration or teachers at her school, or with your shul.

Someone in both places should be able to provide you with an informed opinion about the range of community norms. And some good venue ideas.

amother

Apricot

Thu, Nov 03 2016, 4:46 pm

I grew up in Queens and have been to dozens of bas mitzvahs as a child and more now that my peers are making bas mitzvahs as well.

There are so many different ways to go. I've been to both small and large parties with music and dancing and speeches. Frankly, those have all blurred in my mind. The ones that I remember are the ones that were different. The ones that were my favorite were the backyard carnival, going to the theatre and meeting the actors afterwards for a Q&A session (college theatre, so not exorbitant, but really cool to us 12 year olds), just kids parties with yummy food and crafts or other fun activities, fake trolley ride to an arcade type place, backyard BBQs, etc.

amother

Emerald

Thu, Nov 03 2016, 4:49 pm

I would also think about having some recognition with the whole community. Instead of having a big catered lunch, could you sponsor a kiddush in her honor? If everyone does the big community thing in your small OOT community, people may appreciate being able to participate and celebrate her in some way. Even if you keep her "real" celebration small and intimate.

We aren't doing our DDs bat mitzvah at shul. We are having our own thing with family and close friends. But we decided to sponsor kiddush in her honor the next week because we don't want to separate so much from our wonderful kehilla.

ETA: We decided that if we only did our small thing that our community may feel snubbed somehow, and didn't want to do that!

amother

Papaya

Thu, Nov 03 2016, 5:37 pm

Thanks for the replies. As far as the kiddush, we are sponsoring one also. I'm sure people will wonder why we aren't doing something bigger at the shul.

amother

Lime

Thu, Nov 03 2016, 8:47 pm

Don't know if this interests you,
But my DD invited her friends to help her at the kosher food pantry fill boxes for Tomche Shabbos. And then we took them for pizza and bowling.

Another girl did a more Elegent party at her home, girls came dressed in Shabbos clothes, speeches, food, and as crafts they decorated tambourines to use when Moshiach comes. The theme was We Want Moshiach Now.

Another rented the small ice rink at the community center, and the girls went skating and had Chinese food.

In our community anything goes.

imasinger

Thu, Nov 03 2016, 8:59 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks for the replies. As far as the kiddush, we are sponsoring one also. I'm sure people will wonder why we aren't doing something bigger at the shul.

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

Do what's right for your DD and your family.

Everyone else should have more to worry about than why you didn't throw a big party.

And if you did throw a big party, they should have more to think about than whether it was too glitzy, too simple, or whatever.

Life is too short to waste on such thoughts.

curlyhead

Fri, Nov 04 2016, 3:05 am

My daugthers bas mitzvah is coming up. I'm making a class party would do in my house but it's 50 girls. Serving them dinner daugther says a dvar Torah and doing a craft activity. Will invite my mother and sister no male relatives