Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants
Tips for dealing with really hard baby
1  2  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Denim


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 11:42 am
I have a very hard baby. She is 7 months old, has reflux and has a hard tempermant. I have not gotten a decent night sleep since she was born. She wakes a lot at night and is kvetchy by day.

My problem is that I have a hard time going with the flow and get very frustrated when I expected to be able to dress but then she stated crying or I am trying to eat breakfast etc...I only shower once a week when my husband can watch her because I can't count on her napping without waking multiple times etc...also it is hard to read her and get her on schedule so if she keeps crying I might think she is tired and try multiple times to put her to sleep and hold off on things I need to do and she may only fall asleep 2 hours later. I also have a hard time feeling relaxed when she cried so I am uptight a lot of the day.

I would like some advice on how to handle my emotions in regards to this situation.

Thank you!
Back to top

zigi




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 12:23 pm
there are basic schedules like 3 hours after a baby wakes up its about time for a nap. you can try to approximate it. stick with it every day. she will get used to it being certain times.
does she sleep better if she is on a walk out of the house? my kvetchy baby only slept when I went out. I got to have quietish time having coffee or grocery shopping and I at least knew that she got her sleep for that time.
can you have her in a bouncer awake while you shower? get dressed behind the curtain etc. can she be happy by herself for any amount of time? if you are in the middle of dressing and she is in the room you can say oy baby you are crying mommy is almost done etc. same with eating.
babywearing can also help. she is held but you can get things done.
hatzlacha! also try to get some time away from the baby so you can clear your head.
in general with kids its hard to feel in control you try to make plans guess what a kid threw up. now stuck at home etc.
Back to top

amother
Chocolate


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 12:42 pm
I feel for you. The worst part was that stuck feeling that I cannot get anything done because of the non-stop crying. Walking outside in the carriage, as the pp mentioned, was helpful only so much. I nearly lost my mind trying to keep house, maintain basic hygiene and keep my marriage together. It was my first baby too so I kept on blaming myself and others blamed me (in a nice way) that it must be something I'm eating or doing wrong. My SIL insisted that talking quietly at night and keeping lights down, keeps her infants sleeping well at night. Uh huh. Until she had her own "monster" baby.

What helped me: 1) Don't be stingy on the babysitter. Take time off away from the yelling.
2) know that it has nothing to do with what you are doing. It's the child taking his/her time adjusting to this world.
3) With that being said, be open to trying anything because you never know which weird thing might work. With my kid it was intense rocking in the carriage, forward and back which (sometimes!) worked.
4) Don't let your intimate life suffer. This was the hardest on us. Baby always knew exactly when to wake up regardless of if I nursed him right before we got started. Whatever it takes, make it your business to be together. Whether during the day, or getting used to quickies, or doing it with baby awake but busy playing, or even while s/he is kvetching but not outright crying.
5) Have your husband do his fair share. It's not your fault that you were blessed with such a difficult baby. So if it means coming home earlier so that you can shower every second night or if it means waking up to the baby for a 2-hour stretch while you sleep or if it means you get the late- morning and afternoon sleep on Shabbas while he watches baby...
6) Getting the kid on solids might NOT help. So if you're breastfeeding, don't think that's gonna be the solution LOL though you can try.
7) The kid will grow up and while the personality doesn't change, the kid becomes comprehending and reasonable. S/he will not always make you miserable. You just need to survive until that happens. Hatzlacha!
Back to top

amother
Denim


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 12:43 pm
Thanks for all your tips. I have tried putting her on schedule but she has reflux so if she slept well at night she wants to nap later in the day and if she didn't sleep well she may want to nap an hour or two after waking up. She is also hard to put to sleep because she is in pain so sometimes I give up in the middle and not sure if she is tired or not. But I do try.

I have tried wearing her but than I think that maybe she will cam down soon and she really should be playing and there are things I can't do while wearing her and maybe she should be sleeping.

Sometimes I take her on a walk. It is hard for me to figure out what to do with her though while she is crying. it unravels me and freezes my brain.

I am currently seeing a therapist and bring her to a babysitter at that time so this is my break.

I have anxiety and hard time dealing with stress. Maybe I should have posted under emotional health. I wanted to hear how others moms handle THEMSELVES near a crying baby. I go a little kookoo and do things I am not proud of....
Back to top

amother
Denim


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 12:48 pm
amother wrote:
I feel for you. The worst part was that stuck feeling that I cannot get anything done because of the non-stop crying. Walking outside in the carriage, as the pp mentioned, was helpful only so much. I nearly lost my mind trying to keep house, maintain basic hygiene and keep my marriage together. It was my first baby too so I kept on blaming myself and others blamed me (in a nice way) that it must be something I'm eating or doing wrong. My SIL insisted that talking quietly at night and keeping lights down, keeps her infants sleeping well at night. Uh huh. Until she had her own "monster" baby.

What helped me: 1) Don't be stingy on the babysitter. Take time off away from the yelling.
2) know that it has nothing to do with what you are doing. It's the child taking his/her time adjusting to this world.
3) With that being said, be open to trying anything because you never know which weird thing might work. With my kid it was intense rocking in the carriage, forward and back which (sometimes!) worked.
4) Don't let your intimate life suffer. This was the hardest on us. Baby always knew exactly when to wake up regardless of if I nursed him right before we got started. Whatever it takes, make it your business to be together. Whether during the day, or getting used to quickies, or doing it with baby awake but busy playing, or even while s/he is kvetching but not outright crying.
5) Have your husband do his fair share. It's not your fault that you were blessed with such a difficult baby. So if it means coming home earlier so that you can shower every second night or if it means waking up to the baby for a 2-hour stretch while you sleep or if it means you get the late- morning and afternoon sleep on Shabbas while he watches baby...
6) Getting the kid on solids might NOT help. So if you're breastfeeding, don't think that's gonna be the solution LOL though you can try.
7) The kid will grow up and while the personality doesn't change, the kid becomes comprehending and reasonable. S/he will not always make you miserable. You just need to survive until that happens. Hatzlacha!


You are really right. I do let my intimate life suffer. I don't try hard enough to get my husbands help. I don't have time for myself. I do try telling myself that it is not forever.
Back to top

unexpected




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 1:09 pm
You are almost done!!
Ime, cuckoo babies usually straighten out by 7-9 months
Back to top

nursemomma




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 1:13 pm
I can relate somewhat. Whenever I felt myself come close to my breaking point, I would put the baby down, and walk out of the room. Go take a drink, eat something, read something or just lay down on the couch for 5 min. Nothing will happen if your baby cries or even screams for 5 min, as long as they're in a safe place (crib etc). Ch"v doing something dangerous to your child would be way worse.
Back to top

amother
Chocolate


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 1:46 pm
unexpected wrote:
You are almost done!!
Ime, cuckoo babies usually straighten out by 7-9 months
I'm the previous amother with a kookoo kid. My kid became a drop easier once he began crawling and later on walking. He was able to keep busy for a tad longer than before. But we still had the sleep craziness and the difficult nature.
Back to top

amother
Chocolate


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 1:56 pm
amother wrote:
Thanks for all your tips. I have tried putting her on schedule but she has reflux so if she slept well at night she wants to nap later in the day and if she didn't sleep well she may want to nap an hour or two after waking up. She is also hard to put to sleep because she is in pain so sometimes I give up in the middle and not sure if she is tired or not. But I do try.

I have tried wearing her but than I think that maybe she will cam down soon and she really should be playing and there are things I can't do while wearing her and maybe she should be sleeping.

Sometimes I take her on a walk. It is hard for me to figure out what to do with her though while she is crying. it unravels me and freezes my brain.

I am currently seeing a therapist and bring her to a babysitter at that time so this is my break.

I have anxiety and hard time dealing with stress. Maybe I should have posted under emotional health. I wanted to hear how others moms handle THEMSELVES near a crying baby. I go a little kookoo and do things I am not proud of....

Scheduling worked only for me, not the baby. He didn't let himself be scheduled, but it helped me figure out if he's tired or not (not that he slept because he was tired, but at least I knew). Wearing him drove me insane because all it accomplished was have him yell straight into my ears. I've worn other babies since and *they* calm down in the carrier. With him, he'd just go right on yelling and it brought his cries closer to stress me out more.

Don't think what to do while she's crying. It's impossible. And you could go crazy from trying a gazillion things to calm her down and nothing works. Automatically, I'd drop him into the carriage and go for a brisk walk - in order to calm *me* down. I remember pacing up and down the block with him yelling in the carriage and everyone turning to look at me, but I knew I needed to get it out of my system by walking fast and NOT hold him or else I'd do something dangerous.

It's nice that you are having a break by seeing a therapist, but it's not enough. I was working part-time while I had my baby and I needed besides for that some alone time. To shop, to cook, to read, to take a bath, to do exercise, or just to be. For an hour or two. Allow yourself.

And it's ok to let her cry and walk out. Put her into the crib (gently even when you feel like throwing her in) and go into another room to do some deep breathing. When you've calmed down enough, go back. It's not ideal to let her cry but if you are not centered, that's less ideal. Take up to 5-7 minutes to tune her out.
Back to top

amother
Chocolate


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 2:00 pm
amother wrote:
You are really right. I do let my intimate life suffer. I don't try hard enough to get my husbands help. I don't have time for myself. I do try telling myself that it is not forever.
Get your husband's help! You'll thank me down the line... And maybe if he helps you more, you'll be more willing and able and available to be intimate with him. Your marriage can take a real hit with such a time-consuming, brain-frying, all-encompassing baby. Preserve it. Make it your priority.
Back to top

amother
Burlywood


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 2:14 pm
Hugs. Why can your dh watch her only once a week so you can shower? You need more of his help, it's his kid too.

Also, it's great that you're seeing a therapist, does she think that you have ppd?
Back to top

amother
Denim


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 2:48 pm
Thank you all for your support! That was very caring of you. You all gave me lots to think about. No. I don't have PPD but I wasn't emotionally ready to have a baby just now let alone a hard baby and like I said I have a hard time dealing with stress. But I am trying my best every day and I love her very much. And this has been very helpful for me. Thank you!
Back to top

amother
Cerise


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 3:13 pm
Is the baby on medicine for reflux? My nightmare of a reflux baby was cured by seven months. Maybe change the meds.
Back to top

amother
Amber


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 3:27 pm
its really hard.
and while it for sure gets easier- hard babies, with hard tempraments- usually (so far in my experience) their personalities follow lol.

what I learned when I had my 2nd who was impossible from day 1, was to just take a step back and say "is fed- is she dry- is she safe?" otherwise if you are really losing your mind/sanity/patience - JUST WALK AWAY. im serious for like 5 minutes.
go to another room
sit on the couch
eat a piece of chocolate
open a window for fresh air
just change your scenery.

now for the emotional part- it can be really hard-it often feels like its your fault and that you are doing somethng wrong but remind yourself that you are doing a great job!

I found that with time it really does get better, they might still be stubborn and defiant which mine totally is- however she understands and can communicate her needs!
good luck.
Back to top

zigi




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 3:58 pm
dd liked the swing in the dark with a pacifier and the vacuum on. if the baby is crying and in a safe place its ok not to run
Back to top

amother
Burgundy


 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2016, 4:01 pm
My mother always tells me, if the baby is fed, and diapered , put him down and let him cry. walk away put on some loud music and tune him out.

Have you tried giving him Mylanta in addition to the reflux medicine? My doctor said I can give my baby half teaspoon about 5 times a day after he eats.
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 05 2016, 2:31 pm
Oy, I hear you. I'm surprised I don't have PTSD from DD's baby stage.

She had colic something fierce, and refused to be scheduled. She also had a weak latch, nursed badly, and turned out to be lactose intolerant. I walked the floor with her every single night, because she screamed bloody murder the second I stood still. she would NOT SLEEP!

I kept repeating to myself "I love this baby. I davened for this baby. If the baby was gone I would be sad." Over and over and over again. It was the only thing that kept me sane.

I cannot tell you how important it is to keep saying this to yourself, or something similar, to keep you in a positive frame of mind when your baby is being difficult. It will literally keep you from going completely nuts. (BTW, this is very good practice, for when your child becomes a tween and teenager. Wink )

Hang in there!
Back to top

queenert




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 05 2016, 5:50 pm
All of the above and have you tried a carrier?
Walking away never helped me because I'd feel immensely guilty + the crying itself would stress me out.
But my baby lived on me and that's how we made it work until she mellowed out with age.
Back to top

cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 05 2016, 7:40 pm
Have you ever discussed this with your pediatrician?
I had a baby like that too, that had severe sensory issues as well as hearing and medical issues. My baby used to cry non stop, and just wouldn't sleep properly.I just kept convincing myself that I'm doing something wrong until I finally realized that enough is enough and there is an issue here. It also didn't help that others told me that my baby fine etc....I switched pediatricians because my dr. kept brushing me off and insisting that nothing is wrong. I finally started getting some help after two and a half years-I wish I would have been more proactive earlier....
Back to top

amother
Orchid


 

Post Sat, Nov 05 2016, 7:56 pm
amother wrote:

It is hard for me to figure out what to do with her though while she is crying. it unravels me and freezes my brain.


I can totally relate to the going into freeze. Somatic Experiencing and a Focusing-Oriented psychotherapist have helped me deal with freeze.

Hatzlacha to you!
Back to top
Page 1 of 2 1  2  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Home every Shabbos. Practical tips please? How does it work?
by amother
13 Today at 5:44 am View last post
Baby girl names with Hashem's name in it
by amother
18 Today at 3:42 am View last post
Baby girl shabbos stretchies/footies
by ThisMom
2 Today at 3:22 am View last post
How to avoid vaccinating my baby until school
by amother
213 Today at 1:41 am View last post
[ Poll ] How much do you usually spend on a baby gift?
by amother
15 Yesterday at 8:05 pm View last post
by ynms