How to get my child to listen!

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Nov 08 2016, 6:29 pm

My four year old dd is an adorable, independent and smart girl. I have trouble getting her to listen to me, though. I can't count how many times I say (for example) its time to come inside and she'll throw a fit and when I turn around she's out the door and gone. Now, I live in a really safe area so this doesn't worry me in that aspect, besides if nobody is out or it's dark. But she's been tantruming since she's 1, and in public many embarrassing times. She's the child that waits for me to be occupied for a minute or when I'm in the bathroom and goes and does whatever she wants, including helping herself to cookies, raw eggs and more.
Today when I said it's time to go inside she resisted and I brought her in physically, however my 3 year old and 1 year old also wanted to stay out and when dd1 ran out of my grasp, dd2&3 tried getting out. So this is what I did. I took in dd2&3 and closed the door (not all the way) and told myself she will come in soon anyway.... I literally hate myself when I do this, as I'm teaching her that she can indeed do what she wants.
I sometimes let her stay out another few minutes, but I feel like she just knows that I can't manage with her.
I need her (and the other kids) to listen to me. I don't give many orders and they get tons of positive attention.
So how do you respond when your child does this? What's your method for getting your child to listen?
TIA.

Queen6

Tue, Nov 08 2016, 6:52 pm

You need to gain control. She is only four years old and she is ruling your life - that's NOT good. A parent is supposed to be the one in control - when you are these situations will happen less as your child will learn you are in charge and mean business. You should read Behavior Management by Sari yaraslowitz. Highly recommended although you need to ready to act like a parent and not a teenager on an Iphone.

amother

Denim

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 3:23 pm

I have a bright, independent, strong-willed almost 4 year old daughter too.

We used the book 1-2-3 Magic! To get her to listen - works like a charm. Takes a lot of self discipline on your part, but really, all effective parenting is mostly self-discipline. It takes a few weeks until the method from 1-2-3 Magic! to work, but I have a daughter who listens (most of the time Wink

amother

Honeydew

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 6:38 pm

Thank you for your responses. I actually have heard of sara yaroslowitz, but that her methods are extremely hard to implement.
I have been ignoring most negative behavior, (which drives dh crazy- like jumping on the couch, making messes, coloring on the table- I'd just clean it off later etc.) And it has helped. So that I'm not saying no so often.
I'm going to find out about that book, 123 magic, thanks.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 6:54 pm

I love the book "Parenting With Love and Logic". She's old enough to understand natural consequences.

For example, when the other kids come the first time you call, give them a chocolate chip, or some other treat. When she comes in late and wants to know where her treat is, tell her that she missed it! It's not a punishment, it's simply a consequence. She'll figure out pretty fast that if she cooperates, good things will happen. If not, she'll miss out on something fun.

13yo DD is supposed to bring her dirty clothes to the laundry room. I quit going in to get the basket, and just let it pile up. When she ran out of clean underwear, she came to me to complain. I told her that all of the clothes in the laundry room were done, so she brought her basket in, and has been keeping up with her clothes ever since. No yelling, no arguing, it just happened.

Once a child knows that life will continue whether they cooperate or not, they can choose to be part of that - or not. It makes life SO much easier!

amother

Honeydew

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 10:13 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Thank you- that sounds like a great idea. Rewarding good behavior... instead of just disciplining bad.
It's so hard to stay calm while the child is being so difficult!
Thank you for the suggestions.