DD in choir, can't sing - WWYD??

amother

Bisque

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 2:43 pm

DD is 11yo and was chosen to be in a choir this week, without auditioning but as a reward for behaving in class (a few girls from each class were chosen and will be performing for the school in a couple of days).

As she is in the oldest class in the choir, those few have been chosen to do harmony. However, DD can't sing! Like literally off tune and she's trying to sing the songs for me and practise harmony and I have to hold myself back from cringing...

I'm not sure what to do... on the one hand I don't want her to embarrass herself or anyone to make fun of her. On the other hand, taking her out of the choir is also going to make her feel bad. I've never told her that she can't sing, I don't know how to do that without upsetting her.. Sad

I've been thinking of calling the teacher but not even sure what I want to request from her..?

WWYD?

amother

Rose

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 2:51 pm

To this day I remember being chosen for the school choir because my mom was a teacher there, but being told to mouth the words silently when we went to concerts. Oh my, that really scalded my self esteem and it took about thirty years after that till I was willing to join group singing in public (still wont go solo!)
No easy solution here but dont pull her out of the choir! The teacher will hear her voice and have to figure it out. Hopefully she has some tact and will just let your dd sing regardless.

imasinger

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 3:15 pm

As a voice teacher, I can say from experience that it is extremely rare to have a "bad" voice. Most of the time, it's a matter of developing the skill.

If you can find someone who teaches singing, try setting her up for a couple of lessons, and let the singing teacher assess whether this choir is a good idea, and if she would do better on the melody.

I hate it when teachers "reward" kids like this, with no attention paid to their capabilities. I'm sure they mean well, but it is humiliating to the unskilled to be thrust in the spotlight, and it doesn't make anyone want to work harder on their behavior.

amother

Lilac

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 3:18 pm

Don't tell her to mouth the words. It ruined my self esteem for decades and I still think horribly about that teacher for that and a few other embarrassing statements she made to me. This one and others were made quite publicly and in front of the class. I was teased relentlessly and it destroyed my confidence. She is an experienced teacher but I don't want my kids in her care ever. I was around the same age.

The choir director will figure it out at practice. If there were no tryouts they aren't expecting an amazing flawless choir.
Don't ruin your relationship as it did me and my teacher. Maybe they can put her in the back. Or maybe when all the girls are there you can't hear her too distinctly.

And after tell her that the performance was great.

amother

Bisque

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 3:26 pm

Thanks for your replies. Maybe I should call the teacher and just ask her to be careful with how she deals with her? DH also, like some of you above, was once made fun of at the age of 12 during zemiros and it took him years to have the courage to sing again, even though it's really only at home.

I also believe singing can be taught (by the way, she doesn't have a "bad" voice, on the contrary, quite pleasant just very off tune - which makes the "pleasant" something only a mother can hear, lol!) But this is time sensitive so not enough time to give her the time she needs.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 4:08 pm

amother wrote:

I've been thinking of calling the teacher but not even sure what I want to request from her..?

WWYD?

It's wonderful that a child who can't sing well is allowed to be in the choir. A person who can't sing well will only get better if they practice singing I.e. if they are in a choir! It's therefore possible that your DD's voice will get better. Also, choir isn't just singing, it's about performance and building confidence. Your DD's confidence will likely soar. Most choir teachers are savvy and put the less-abled singers into louder group performances while giving stronger singers the solo. Do talk to the teacher, I'm sure she'd be delighted to say similar things to what I have but with more specifics about your DD. I am sure she gave her a harmony she felt she can handle/learn. Mazel Tov on your DD starting choir! Please don't take her out of it!

What Imasinger said in her first paragraph!

My personal perspective:

1. I had a "bad" voice but got into the choir. I worked really, really, really hard. I don't have a great voice now but the choir gave me boundless confidence to enjoy singing and my voice is much better than it was because of the choir. It was a wonderful experience.

2. My DC is extremely musical but was not allowed in the choir after auditioning. My DC's confidence has plummeted from the rejection, it's heart-breaking. DC will not be allowed to try out again. I have a lot more respect for teachers that let in children with "bad" voices than those who reject them. It's not the San Francisco Opera House, it's kids in school learning to sing, appreciate music and gain confidence that will serve them well in life.

animeme

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 5:16 pm

imasinger wrote:

I hate it when teachers "reward" kids like this, with no attention paid to their capabilities. I'm sure they mean well, but it is humiliating to the unskilled to be thrust in the spotlight, and it doesn't make anyone want to work harder on their behavior.

OP wasn't clear that this was done against dd's will. Maybe she wanted to be in the choir. OP did say that she hasn't told dd she is often off tune, so maybe her dd loves to sing.

I would let the choir teacher deal as well. If this was the system for dd to get in, it likely has happened to others like her. You may find that the entire choir sounds off, but the girls are happy.

amother

Bisque

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 6:24 pm

animeme wrote:

You're right, she does love to sing, probably because I've never said anything. She's not upset about being in it at all. But they're not little kids, they're 11 yo and the ones who can sing can easily hear the ones who can't. A few sniggers, whispers and pointed stares is all it takes...

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 6:47 pm

amother wrote:

I know 11-year old girls can be cruel. However, in a choir situation, the girls want to sound good and I think that most would help your DD sing better vs make fun of her. Also, any choir teacher worth their salt wouldn't tolerate bullying in the form of sniggers/whispers/pointed stares etc and such girls (regardless of how good their voices are) would be kicked out of the choir for this.

amother

Bisque

Thu, Nov 10 2016, 3:37 am

essie14 wrote:

Do not get involved. This happens ALL THE TIME. Usually a teacher realizes that being in choir would be beneficial for the child and the choir leaders surround the girl with the "bad" voice with other girls who will drown her out. The choir leader will figure out if your DD has a good voice very quickly. Do not do anything.

The thing is here I'm not sure the so-called choir leader is anything more than a teacher who can sing. She's a single girl who happens to teach in the school. And as per other posts above, I really don't want her to tell her to just mouth the words and crush her self-esteem. That's why I'm thinking of just asking her to be careful with how she deals with it.

essie14

Thu, Nov 10 2016, 4:05 am

amother wrote:

Ok, then just make sure she knows how to deal with kids who aren't the best. But make sure she doesn't treat your daughter differently than the other girls.

DrMom

Thu, Nov 10 2016, 7:14 am

amother wrote:

I've been thinking of calling the teacher but not even sure what I want to request from her..?

WWYD?

Is the choir teacher the same as the teacher who chose her for the choir? If so, it's her problem, and she probably did it for other girls too. Let the teacher deal with it. Don't say anything to dd.