5yo son disruptive in class.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 3:02 pm

My 5yo son is impulsive, and calls out, interrupts, doesn't raise his hand, and is otherwise disruptive in various ways in class. He's a good boy and not aggressive, but is immature and doesn't think before he speaks or acts. He is getting OT and speech, and we have a reward plan in place, but it doesn't seem to be helping. I want to start taking away things that matter to him when I get a negative report - like screen time or making him have a earlier bedtime. How much do you "punish" a 5yo? I want him to learn how to behave in class and not be disruptive, and the "reward" system isn't working. Advice?

mha3484

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 3:05 pm

Honestly it needs to come from the teacher. We have these issues but the teacher has a reward/punishment system that he responds well to. She gives him a fidget that helps also. Lastly, I found that talk and behavior therapy has really made a difference in helping him manage his impulses. We do that and OT and have seen a decent sized improvement. The therapist works with the teacher to come up with strategies to help in class as well.

amother

Taupe

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 3:26 pm

It sounds to me like the reward system doesn't work because you are trying to reward him for skills which he doesn't have yet. He doesn't have the skills to suppress his impulsivity or think out what he wants to do. Punishing him won't improve it either, because he doens't have the skills to control himself. What he needs is to be taught the skills - maybe the OT can help you out on this one. Maybe a bit of behavioral therapy.

I recommend getting him evaluated for ADHD as well - it sounds like he could have it, and even if he doesn't, many of the coping strategies taught to kids with ADHD would help him tremendously as well.

mha3484

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 3:33 pm

I find that for kids like this, the reward or punishment needs to be more immediate which is why the teacher needs to take the lead. I can talk to my DS until I am blue in the face but if the consequence or reward does not immediately follow the incident its like it did not happen. She keeps me up to date and we have conversations at home to reinforce what happens in school but punishing him rarely works.

simcha2

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 3:57 pm

He is only 5, it could be that he is just not cognitively ready. Is he at the young end of the class? Some kids just need time to grow up a little. I am not saying that it is not something to work on, but punishing him for something that he may have no control over seems very unfair. Some kids just have no zitzfleish at that age. Give him some time to grow up a little. It may be that the expectations have to change, not him...

Just a thought.

pond user

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 6:13 pm

I'm sorry but did you say he is 5?

A 5 year old shouldn't be in a class where he has to raise his hand to speak or sit for more than a few minutes at a time. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with your child, there's a huge flaw in the system. Kids should be playing majority of the day and learning through play until at least aged 6. And even then it's dependent on each individual child.

Please don't punish him for being a kid. Not immediately and not when he gets home. I taught 5 year olds for two years and whilst it's not easy, the challenge of the teacher is to ensure to educate them in a way that's fun, positive and stimulating.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 6:47 pm

pond user wrote:

With all due respect, you sound like you're in la-la land. He's in an incredible program, and I think there are gentle ways to manage behavior. no one is "punishing him for being a kid" - give it a rest.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 7:15 pm

simcha2 wrote:

Op here. I think he's got some growing and maturing to do, but he also knows right from wrong and wants to do the right thing. His teachers all love him and want to work with me to give him the best experience possible, and help him as much as they can.

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Nov 09 2016, 9:53 pm

I agree with the above poster, and I'm a teacher. He's five!!! He is misbehaving because he can't, he doesn't have the skills. Please don't take things away from him, he must be going thru enough frustration as it is!!

Do seek proffessional advice. But please don't make him feel like a failure before he even begins first grade.

Also highly recommend the book, 'Transforming the difficult child -nurtured heart approach'.

Good-luck

Last edited by amother on Wed, Mar 13 2019, 4:01 pm; edited 1 time in total

Iymnok

Thu, Nov 10 2016, 2:14 am

Five is kindergarten.
That should be mostly play and projects.
If he can't sit for the 20 minutes of structured learning, then that would be immature.
My understanding is that raising hands starts in 1st grade.

musicmom

Thu, Nov 10 2016, 6:04 am

Hi. I'm also a teacher and have a five year old son with difficulty sitting still. RRRGH he stands on his head etc when I try to teach him violin.

I am NOT punishing him. We have a carpet square and I set the timer for five minutes and I read to him a book of his choice while he sits there. If he tries to leave I remind him... I ask questions about the story, what color was this, etc, to make sure his eye were on the book...

Finally I have to lower my immediate expectations but teach/ practice skills like looking at my face for thee seconds before taking a bow.

Obviously 20 minutes of attention is beyond his grasp right now I am aiming for a few several times a day.

There is an app to teach just about anything and I have them. My kids love practicing math and reading and spelling and phonics on iPads. My husband sounded serious as he asked me to find an app for this skill and I was really surprised. But this is the approach I'm taking. I look forward to checking out that book!