Is this OK? | Imamother

amother

Firebrick

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 3:23 am

At work yesterday I had a slightly awkward situation. I was using a stairwell that is usually pretty empty (I had to go down one floor from the top floor. Most people visiting the top floor would use the elevator... and it was the back stairwell too) and a coworker was there, on the phone, crying... a lot. Then I had to backtrack to where I'd been before and for a certain reason it really had to be in a hurry, so I took the most direct route and passed her again, and then again on the return trip. This coworker who was crying on the phone is not someone I have a real relationship with. We have been working in the same place for about a year now, but most of the time we didn't really have anything to do with each other, more of a hi-in-passing but didn't cross paths often anyway. Now we actually work together-ish for about an hour a week but that just started a few weeks ago. So we have some connection but not a relationship at this point.

But my heart really went out to her there, and I also feel awkward that I passed right by her THREE times during an obviously personal vulnerable moment. She was probably pretty absorbed in her issue but small stairwell, three times, there's no way she missed seeing me. Of course being that she was on the phone at the time I wasn't going to say anything at the time.

Can I send her an email saying I'm thinking of you and sending virtual hugs, or would that just make it even more awkward? I couldn't say anything at the time but don't want to have totally ignored that either. On the other hand this was many hours ago and obviously whatever was going on is intense so she might have forgotten that even happened. I don't want to make this more awkward, especially since our connection at work is regularly scheduled but not at all personal. But I want to do the right thing and if sending some warm words is OK then I certainly would.

For reference I am the type of person who has offered hugs to strangers crying on the city bus. Not often, but it's happened. However that is not my persona at work at all. I'm a lot more reserved there.

Should I ask a colleauge if they know what's going on (in the context of wanting to know whether there's something I should say, like if the person just lost a loved one or something), or would that be gossipy and inappropriate? I mean what if it's not something like that, and it's private and she wouldn't want anyone to know that anything at all is going on?

WWYD?

justforfun87

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 3:34 am

Clearly she knows you saw her. I think it would be weird if you didn't say anything. Send a quick email saying " Hey -----, I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. If you need anything, let me know."

cbg

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 8:36 am

I would leave it alone.
It was a private moment
Just act as you usually do
I'm sure she's EMBARRASED enough

pizza4

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 8:41 am

I'd also say leave it alone. She might bring it up herself, though. Then you can empathize and hug!

FranticFrummie

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 8:42 am

If I were her, I would like a nice, short email, just saying that you're thinking of me and you're there if I want to talk. I may or may not feel like taking you up on that, but the thought behind the email would be very comforting.

rachel6543

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 10:54 am

I don't think it's wrong to send a short email, but I know personally I would want my privacy and for the incident to not be brought up.

Chayalle

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 10:56 am

If I saw someone crying in the stairwell, I'd turn around and take the elevator....

amother

Firebrick

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 11:04 am

Chayalle wrote:

If I saw someone crying in the stairwell, I'd turn around and take the elevator....

me too, but I work with small children and one bolted. Couldn't choose which way to chase him Confused

Awkward!

SixOfWands

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 11:24 am

I would consider sending an email saying "I'm sorry if I intruded on your privacy yesterday. I respect your privacy, so I won't mention it again. But please know that I'm here for you if you need anything."

Optione

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 11:36 am

What FF said. I'm the type that would want that door of communication opened should I choose to enter it. Even if I was the total opposite, though, I don't think sending that email would be harmful.

tichellady

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 12:10 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

this