Explaining stranger danger to impulsive children

mha3484

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 11:56 am

Can anyone recommend books or other resources for explaining stranger danger to an impulsive socially challenged 6 year old boy?

We had an incident on our block yesterday with a boy a year older who was approached by a strange man. BH he ran and the police were called. I worry so much that my child a year younger would not do that and I want to have more conversations with him in an appropriate manner.

Thanks!

seeker

Fri, Nov 11 2016, 2:59 pm

amother wrote:

Not to sound stalkerish, but I've read some of your posts and my son is similar (but a year younger). I have had success communicating the message through the Berenstain Bears learn about Strangers and also Yanky Horowitz's Let's stay safe. And repetition. Keep reading them again and a lot of role playing to reinforce.

This - lots of stories, lots of repetition, together with the stories have conversations about "what would you do if" BUT THEN also because you know your kid, lots of extra supervision. Don't count on them being able to apply the lessons in context. I remember some video going around of an experiment some group did to see if kids actually applied their "stranger danger" lessons, and it was scary how easily they were roped. You may have seen it - they posed a man asking kids to help him look for his lost dog or something. And virtually ALL the perfectly normal kids of various ages went along with him. Freaky.

If you feel your kid is at risk, then don't let him go out alone.

I feel it's necessary to teach kids specific nuances rather than just "don't ever talk to strangers." Because they see that you talk to strangers, and sometimes they are encouraged to talk to strangers (like saying thank you when the storekeeper gives you a free lollipop...) and for some kids this starts to become a gray area. So instead of "never" you can go more for "only when mommy/daddy are with you and say it's ok." And you can go through manners scenarios vs inappropriate ones - Like it's very normal if your grocer says "have a good day" and you say "thank you, you too!" Or if they offer the child a lollipop it would be more appropriate for the child to say "I need to ask my mother" rather than giving a blank stare because "you don't talk to strangers." Personal questions, comments, conversations, and requests for help are not OK. Likewise trying to engage in conversation when mom or dad is not present - not OK. With mom or dad - not inappropriate, if anything is inappropriate you can count on mom and dad to steer it in the right direction.

Some kids need this all spelled out because otherwise if they're stuck in the moment they won't stop to think it through.

seeker

Sat, Nov 12 2016, 8:39 pm

I don't have any magic solution and I don't even have any way of knowing if what I do would work (also, my kids are more on the shy side, which is probably helpful) but I just talk, talk, talk about it. As we go through the neighborhood any old day, things come up. I point them out. I reassure my kids they've done the right thing if they did not respond to someone who was making them uncomfortable and discuss what felt uncomfortable about it; on the other hand I encourage them to be cordial when appropriate. At the playground we'll talk about how it's not "talking to a stranger" if another kid asks to join your game or if you want a turn in theirs, it's nice to play with other kids - but don't go anywhere with them, eat anything from them (we have food allergies in addition to kosher), and come tell an adult if they're doing something that bothers you. On errands we'll talk about how it's appropriate to reply in kind if the storekeeper/dry cleaner/postal worker says hello, goodbye, have a nice day - but don't start to shmooze. If I stop to give someone directions, we'll talk about how it's OK for adults to help each other but an adult should never ask a kid for that kind of help, they should find another adult and if they say they need you then that's a red flag. You get the idea - whatever's going on, we talk about.