Irrational self destructive child

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Nov 14 2016, 11:22 am

The specifics are not really relevant at this point but my child is acting in a very irrational self destructive manner. He was always very manipulative and into blackmail (either you do this or I commit suicide...)but at least his demands were for things me or DH had the ability to give him. Now he is demanding something that we simply cannot do. Because it isn't up to us. And the more he tantrums and refuses to go to school the LESS likely it is that the third party involved will give him what he wants from them.

Right now he is tantruming ,refusing to go to school and making threats in an effort to force us to pressure that person to give in to him. This time DH and I finally realized that we cannot give in again. It will only teach that whatever you want in life you can get by tantruming acting violently and blackmail. And he is sure to find the next thing sooner or later. Probably sooner.

Yes maybe years ago we should have let him tantrum and destroy things 24/7 for a week straight until either we or he had a nervous breakdown but for now we have to deal with the present. He isn't scared of a physical fight with us. His last therapist dropped him as a client because he was too scared to be alone in a room with him.

He refuses to see any more therapists or psychiatrists because as he correctly perceives they won't tell us to give in anyhow. He puts it "they will only ignore my feelings. I don't medication I need him to give it to me. I'm fighting for my rights and I won't give in"

What should we do now?

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Nov 14 2016, 12:01 pm

That isn't really relevant but we will say it is a SPECIFIC after school job.

Part of the issue is they have a very strict policy not to hire without written permission from the school and the school won't give it to someone who plays hooky. And they don't want to hire him anyhow. Nor do I think they should.

But again this really isn't the relevant question. I do not think it is a good idea to find a way for him to get that job. It will only reinforce bad behavior.