Do you ever hit your children?

Chayalle

Mon, Dec 19 2016, 11:03 am

amother wrote:

There was once a melamed who was known that he didnt smack his students & the Rebbi from the next grade had to deal with a lot of emotional baggage from the previous year. Please dont discuss what goes on yeshivas, im not interested hearing about it! My point is, that smacking occasionally as a parent for discipline is ok ,but not out of anger! Emotional abuse is way way worse than physical. Ask me, as a victim of both. One little smack wont hurt.

Saying that hitting is ok because someone was emotionally abusive and worse, makes absolutely no sense.

Both a Rebbe who hits his students, and a Rebbe who emotionally abuses his students, should be learning better, more effective methods of teaching. Or they should choose a different profession.

amother

Amber

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 8:54 am

We'll see if the "never ever ew" crowd will keep thinking so with bh a large family and many small kids with various personalities Smile

allthingsblue

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 9:09 am

amother wrote:

We'll see if the "never ever ew" crowd will keep thinking so with bh a large family and many small kids with various personalities Smile

If having a large family causes you to hit your children, you have made the wrong decision. This is NOT an excuse for hitting! And it is a very good reason to go on birth control.

My son is extremely active and likes to make trouble but I would never ever hit him (unless he did something dangerous like run into a street or play with fire chas veshalom, and even then I would do it calmly and gently). I have raised my voice, I have left the room and slammed my door in anger, but I will never hit my children, no matter how many I have.

I still dislike (almost hate) my mother because she hit me.

sky

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 9:18 am

amother wrote:

We'll see if the "never ever ew" crowd will keep thinking so with bh a large family and many small kids with various personalities Smile

As I said earlier I find as my family grows I've stopped hitting (not that I did a lot in the past).
I think its a combination of learning skills, having more patience and being more kid oriented.
Having more doesn't mean losing control.

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 9:21 am

sigh

I hate myself for this

I really truly want to be the parent who never hits

but.

I had a narcissistic father who hit me till I peed
and
my life is very stressed to put it mildly

and sometimes...... I just hit out of frustration tiredness

and I then wish I was never born!

I think there is buried anger within me which gets triggered and nebech gets released when I lose it

B"h it doesn't happen often but let me tell you
once is too much
shudder

maybe just having written this will help me STOP

amother

Chocolate

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 10:48 am

amother wrote:

We'll see if the "never ever ew" crowd will keep thinking so with bh a large family and many small kids with various personalities Smile

My parents have a large family (more than a dozen!). They hit my older siblings and then consciously decide to stop. My father often says that his younger kids turned out just as well (or even better) than the older ones. He is very honest and vocal about the fact that hitting his first children was a mistake.
We have never hit any of our children (our oldest is 10). When we get together with my extended family, the children of only one sibling tend to fight aggressively and hit other kids. That sibling is the only one who believes in potching. Completely anecdotal, but this is my experience.

Chloe

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 11:07 am

amother wrote:

We'll see if the "never ever ew" crowd will keep thinking so with bh a large family and many small kids with various personalities Smile

So it's OK to hit children from larger families because their parents just can't manage otherwise or get provoked more easily?

Your post proves that many parents use hitting it as a coping mechanism and not for Chinuch. Otherwise what's the difference if you have 4 children or 14? What's right is right and what's wrong is wrong.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 11:19 am

amother wrote:

If your father hit you till you peed, that is abuse. I'm so sorry. Hug

amother

Brown

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 11:32 am

My father hit and my brother hits. One day, I want to have the courage to say to my brother and SIL that they have no Gd given right to hit another human being. If you wouldn't hit a friend, how can you hit a helpless child. Just because you are their parent does not give you a right to raise your hand to them. Giving birth to a person does not translate into a right to hit them. Raising your hand in Moshe Rabeinu's words is a "rasha." The same is true for a parent who hits their child.

I have never, ever hit my children. When I get close to that point (very rare), I walk away.

I agree with a previous poster, that my brother's dc are the wildest and most aggressive in the family.

shnitzel

Tue, Dec 20 2016, 7:41 pm

Never. I try to have different discipline strategies for different situations and try to address kids issues before they blow up. I work really hard to create the least stressful environment possible for all of us.

I have zero tolerance policy for disrespect. "Potching" is a lazy excuse for discipline. It's easy to wack a kids bottom but staying calm and strategically dealing with the situation means being in tune with your kids needs and learning about discipline strategies and parents just don't want to put in the effort. The amount of chutzpah in boys from Frummy schools that hit and shame the students has been convincing enough. (My girls go to Frummy schools and I live in a Frummy neighbourhood so it's not a theoretical about "others").