Would you take a random stranger from the community ?

amother

Lilac

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 6:34 pm

We are driving from Chicago to Detroit (which we do every month or two). Frequently people post on the message board looking for rides. I am nervous to take a complete stranger for a 5 hour ride.
First of all, you are trusting them interacting with your kids . That means assuming they will be friendly/patient/good influence , not complaining about noise, etc.
(We once had someone who brought an I-pad with bad videos and was watching it in full view of the younger kids) .
Second, you are trusting them next to your valuables I.e. my purse will be the passenger seat in case I need my license , to pay tolls, etc..

Am I being paranoid? Is this a chessed that people commonly do?

Assuming the right thing is to take along someone, would you look into them? Ask for references, etc?

amother

Beige

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 6:52 pm

I would only take someone if we knew mutual people (or I had done a reference check). Unfortunately in this day and age you need to be careful and protect your family.

amother

cornflower

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 6:54 pm

personally I wouldn't. With little kids we need to feel like we can stop whenever, take them to the playground... wouldn't want someone else on our time table.

amother

Plum

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 6:56 pm

I will do it with references and also have the person sit in the front passenger seat and either you or dh sit with the kids.

amother

Blush

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 7:11 pm

I wouldn't do it.

I wouldn't want a stranger in such close quarters for such a long time. It's just uncomfortable.

There must be a bus or train s/he can take.

amother

Coffee

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:31 pm

I wouldn't . My mental well-being is a high priority. If having the stranger in my car gives rise to even one percent anxiety or discomfort then I stay away.

essie14

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 12:03 am

amother wrote:

I wouldn't . My mental well-being is a high priority. If having the stranger in my car gives rise to even one percent anxiety or discomfort then I stay away.

Agreed

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 12:11 am

Both of the communities you listed are large but not huge. Why dont you find who they are going to and if you know those people personally call them up and say, hey just wondering about so and so who requested a ride. Good Luck! I personally think its a big chesed, but you dont do chesed on your own kids account.

moonstone

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 3:40 am

Absolutely not. Why would I make a long, uncomfortable car ride even more uncomfortable by adding another person and having everyone feel more crowded? And the thought of being trapped with a stranger all those hours is just too awful to even consider. Let them take a bus, train, whatever.

amother

Green

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 3:42 am

I would also be concerned about the children - how to protect them from inappropriate touch. Things can happen even while driving in a car.

geulah papyrus

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 4:43 am

Five hours of having to censor my conversations, worry about my kids, deal with a stranger's needs--no thank you. It's like having a guest except there's no way to escape.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 3:09 pm

I would take a woman, but not a man or boy. Just my gut feeling.

My apologies to all perfectly decent mentches out there, and sweet, eidel bochurim. Unfortunately, there are too many bad ones out there, and I can't tell who is who just by looking.

debsey

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 4:24 pm

Personally, I enjoy long car trips with my kids (I know, I'm nuts) and I enjoy the family time we get in the car. Can't see sacrificing that unless there was a really good reason.

One year, we went to NH for a few weeks in the summer and someone called. First she wanted to send a package, which we said we'll try to cram in (kids+luggage+cholov yisroel food for a few weeks= very crammed car). Then she wanted to send along a kid. For a six hour drive! I told her that as it is we are crammed in, I can't fit in another person. She offered to come over and show me how to "double buckle" the kids. Needless to say, I said no.

There are some people who feel no compunction asking for "favors" that are really major impositions. I've learned not to feel bad saying no to them.

amother

Peach

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 5:20 pm

We once took Yeshiva Bochurim from Ny to Baltimore..my dh blasted non jewish music the whole way. I was mortified..I wouldn tdo it again for such a long ride.

amother

Apricot

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 5:44 pm

Not even someone I know. Family time is too precious. Though I would feel slightly guilty if my kids were often on the receiving end (at some point we lived OOT and they were.)

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 7:31 pm

I love to do chesed, but if it violates my principles then not. Today there are just soo many people and so many ways to go against people's principles that I wouldn't risk it. Ipad, for example. I have a computer with online access, but don't let my kids. Not everyone does it my way, so even if they limit online access to kids, they still won't be as strict as I am. They need to value my opinion.
Also, you never know who really is religious with their behavior, so so many people are predators in their own way. We cannot tell, even if we ask around.