How would you respond to this?

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 1:34 am

So it's a typical busy morning in the [fill in your last name here] household. You have umpteen kids to get out with clothes on their bodies, food in their tummies and backpacks, and (hopefully) smiles on their faces. You've woken everyone up around 20 minutes ago and put their clothing for the day on the foot of their beds. Now you're in the kitchen cutting up vegetables for those who take vegetables, dishing hot food into containers for those who need to bring a hot lunch, and serving breakfast for the select few who have already made it into the kitchen.

Suddenly, you hear your 7-year-old call "IMA!!!" from the direction of the bedroom. You're in middle of simultaneously pouring cornflakes for your 3-year-old and placing the last piece of schnitzel into a container for your 9-year-old, so you call back, "I'll be right there!" Another 15 seconds go by and again he calls "IMA!!! Can you come here for a minute?!" You can tell from his tone of voice that it's some life-threatening emergency, like he can't find his tzitzis or doesn't like the shirt you gave him, so you drop everything and make a mad dash for his room. You find his royal highness still lying under the covers in his pajamas, pointing to the pile of clothes on the foot of his bed, and saying, "Can you pass those to me please?"

How do you respond?

salt

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 2:03 am

"I was busy doing a lot of things in the kitchen just now. These kinds of things, that you're already big enough to do by yourself, please do by yourself, otherwise I won't get all the other stuff done in time.
If you really need my help, call me, but you'll have to know that I can't come immediately. If you want the clothes immediately, you get them yourself.
And it would be nicer to say please. But here you are. Since I'm here already, I'll pass them to you this time sweetie. Well done for already getting yourself dressed. When you're ready, come to the kitchen."

or, while I 'm still in the kitchen, I'd call out "Is this something very urgent, or can it wait till I've finished cutting some vegetables?"

Sounds exactly like my household, btw. Mornings are crazy!

seeker

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 2:26 am

I'm assuming this is not the only incident of this nature (by your description of life-threatening emergencies and overall tone.) Do you get the sense that he knows what he is doing here? Like do you think it's a behavioral thing or does he just not understand? Because there are definitely many kids who need to be directly taught things like independence and not imposing on others.

The first question has to be, why does this happen?

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 2:45 am

rzab wrote:

How do I respond? or how should I respond? because for me, those are not the same....

Thank you! When I read salt's post, my immediate thought was "Is that how you WOULD respond? Or is that how you think you SHOULD respond?" Because I might agree with her that that would be a nice response, but I shamefully admit that my tone of voice was quite different this morning.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 2:47 am

seeker wrote:

I think it was too cozy and warm under the covers for him to get out and move his clothing over by himself. He's quite independent overall - he's been dressing himself and showering himself for years - but it's so much nicer to get dressed under the blanket without throwing it off just yet, so if someone would just help him by moving is clothing closer....

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 3:12 am

seeker wrote:

So you're saying either he was just thinking self-centeredly or looking for a little extra TLC?

Is there a pattern of similar things happening at other times that could provide insight?

I guess you can call it self-centered thinking. He's pretty oblivious to what's going on in the rest of the house while he's lying in bed.

The only other similar thing I can think of is that sometimes he'll tell me he can't find his yarmulka in the morning - or his pajamas at night - and when I tell him to look on his bed, he says he did and they're not there. I come into his room and spot them right there on his bed without having to look much. Some of his brothers do the same thing.

salt

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 4:05 am

amother wrote:

Hi, salt here. I'd like to think that if it wasn't an unusually CRAZY morning, I would answer something like that. But no promises Smile

Things that are more likely to blow me up are if the kids are arguing or kicking a football around the living room, instead of getting dressed during a busy morning.

salt

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 4:57 am

amother wrote:

The only other similar thing I can think of is that sometimes he'll tell me he can't find his yarmulka in the morning - or his pajamas at night - and when I tell him to look on his bed, he says he did and they're not there. I come into his room and spot them right there on his bed without having to look much. Some of his brothers do the same thing.

I once heard a quote:
" Nothing Is Really Lost,Until Your Mom Can't Find It "

Teomima

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 4:58 am

Honestly? I'd respond by saying, "sweetie, I love you, but next time you call me to do something like this, I'm just going to move the clothes FURTHER AWAY from you. I'm busy, you can get them yourself."
Then I'd do half the tasks you're currently doing in the morning, the night before (like cutting up veggies).

animeme

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 7:42 am

I would probably give it to him because he asked politely once I got there, and because the morning would go better if I just did it.

And I would probably start plopping that kid's clothes right by him from then on, and make him deal with any issues if losing get clothes because he rolled over onto them or shoved then off the bed while he slept, because he has said that this is preferred location for his clothes.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 8:14 am

Am I the only one here reading that the child is looking for mothering? I would hand it to him and say something like, "oh, it's so cold, you wanted to stay warm, right?". A one time situation of a child being a child is no cause for anger. He is allowed to show his dependency now and then, he is still young. If it becomes a pattern, I would address it behaviorally in a proactive, positive way.

mummiedearest

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 9:10 am

"no, I cannot. you are responsible for getting dressed, and this is part of that responsibility. it is also your responsibility to be downstairs and ready in five minutes. I am going to finish taking care of my responsibilities, which include packing lunches and feeding your siblings breakfast. please don't cause me to slack in my responsibilities. from now on, I will only come upstairs at this time of day if there is an injury that requires my attention. see you downstairs."

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 4:27 pm

moonstone wrote:

I would have snapped, "Are you kidding me?!" and left the room.

This is actually what I said, but I didn't stop there. I gave him a little lecture about how I have a whole bunch of kids who need things and am in a big rush to get his brother to the school bus on time, and to call me in for something he can easily do on his own is just wrong. And I told him I would not be passing him his clothing and that he should please not call me again for something he can easily do by himself when I'm busy.

I thought he might cry (he's pretty sensitive), but he came out of his room 10 minutes later fully dressed and in a great mood.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 4:35 pm

LOL! Sounds like my DD. She has impulse control problems, and every little thing is an EMERGENCY RIGHT NOW!

I came up with a rule, so she could know what was an emergency and what was not.

Is there a bad guy in your room?
Are you on fire?
Are you being eaten by a bear?

If the answer is "no" to any of the above, then it can wait. Next time she yells for me, I ask her the Big 3 Questions, and that makes her pause, and she usually handles her own problems. It also makes her giggle, which is a plus. LOL

smile12345

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 4:38 pm

Am I the only one whose response is, 'this kid is only 7'?
I'm not saying I would respond the right way in the moment as unfortunately it's hard to be the best mom when there's chaos going on, but I still don't think this is so terrible coming from a seven year old. If he was 17 then some of these responses would be warranted.
I find that it's during the times when things are the most hectic that kids try to catch your attention for the most ridiculous things, often just because they want a little extra care and attention.