How is this acceptable ?!?! (Vent !)

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Aubergine

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 8:47 am

I gave a product into a store for a service and store owner Called me that it ruined in the process and he tried putting it back together I should come see if it is acceptable in the condition it is . When Item was given in we were told it will probably not get ruined but there is a very slight chance it may which is why I didn't argue about paying the initial fee quoted and didn't ask for reimbursement of the products value even though it is not usable the way it is and I knew either I will buy a new one or take it elsewhere for repair ....thing is he wanted MORE money because it took him Time to "fix" when I tried arguing on that he held out his middle finger and said you are being a baby " F ---you get out of my Store" We are talking about a "frum guy" who works for a public organization that services the community (ex: Hatzolah .... Shomrim ... Chaveirim ) is rewarded for the "chesed that he does " etc...

Yet when nobody is watching (I was only one there at time " he acts like a low life dirtbag .

In the end I had to purchase the item again and obviously I will never walk into the store again!' I am very tempted to spread the word as I know he is well known in the community but I refuse to stoop down to his level and I am sure there are others who get to see his true colors and Hashem knows what happened and will take care of him for me one day . I did absolutely nothing wrong to provoke this .... Anyone else in my situation probably wouldn't have wanted to pay at all

mommy3b2c

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 8:52 am

It's not acceptable. He acted horribly. There are some nasty people out there.

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 9:02 am

Thanks ! That's what I keep telling myself it just irks me to see his picture all over the place for the "chesed " and " good deeds " he does for the community ! Its a contradiction but I guess that's life and move on

imasinger

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 9:04 am

He's lucky you didn't get him in front of a beis din.

amother

Bisque

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 9:30 am

I would not let him get away with that. What a despicable person.

amother

Gold

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 9:33 am

This reminds me if the threads I've seen here of ladies describing their parents many awards, honored at dinners, etc, but they don't give anything to their children and are hardly even available to them.
It's like a glimpse into their life.
I'm sorry you experienced that.

amother

Sienna

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 9:35 am

It's not acceptable, period. It's possible he was having the worst day of his life or that you came in after the customer from ****. Doesn't justify anything, but it might be helpful in letting you move on.

sushilover

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 9:55 am

amother wrote:

Your attitude is truly admirable.
What he did is appalling!

debsey

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 9:58 am

I'm not sure you have to protect his identity- AYLOR - people have a right to know what type of service they can expect in a store. Guys (and gals) like this have to be reigned in, and the almighty dollar is sometimes better than fear of the Almighty to get them to change!

leah233

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 10:01 am

amother wrote:

We are talking about a "frum guy" who works for a public organization that services the community (ex: Hatzolah .... Shomrim ... Chaveirim ) is rewarded for the "chesed that he does " etc...

Yet when nobody is watching (I was only one there at time " he acts like a low life dirtbag

I don't think one thing negates the other. If anything it is something good to say about this guy.Despite having a bad nature and not being such a nice guy nonetheless he channels his energies towards helping the community when he can.

Would it make you feel more favorably towards him if he was a constant all around jerk and obnoxious person that nobody ever gets anything from?

Last edited by leah233 on Mon, Nov 21 2016, 10:14 am; edited 1 time in total

rachel6543

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 10:11 am

Is there a Yelp page for this business? I personally would write a Yelp review about this unprofessional experience as a warning to other customers. It's never ever acceptable to yell and use profanity and vulgar hand gestures at customers (or anyone), esp when you did nothing wrong.

LittleDucky

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 10:30 am

Ask your LOR exactly the parameters for reviewing this person/business. Whether it is via yelp, if someone asks for your review or of you can initiate.
He tried cheating you out of money- charging for the attempt to fix it when it was not the agreed upon arrangement. Besides for outrageous verbal abuse.
Can you ask a friend " do you know someone who repairs X?" And when she offers Obnoxious Finger, are you allowed to say why not or just "bad experience, don't want to go into it but I need a new place". ?? I don't know the halachos.

debsey

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 10:32 am

leah233 wrote:

I don't know - I think some people who are obnoxious use their ostentatious "chessed" activities as a way of sort of paying off the world for how jerky they are. It's lovely to change someone's tire for free, but it's much harder to consistently be a 'ba'al middos' 24/7.

Most are not like this, but I know someone who is an absolutely entitled horrific person. Heaven forbid you work in a store she patronizes, because she will talk down to you, change her mind last second, cause you a loss, and then bad-mouth you to her equally lovely friends. And you, as the service provider, have to take it, because she's got purchasing power.

Yes, she hosts tzedakah benefits and ladies lunches and raises lots of money for all these tzedakos, but I think she is doing it to "buy off" Hashem - or just to make her feel like she's actually a good person.

This guy may be in the same mold. It's just NOT OK to use profanity and put down another person. Ever.

Dandelion1

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 10:48 am

As far as I concerned you were assaulted verbally, and it would be a public service to warn people of him and his store. I don't see that as loshon harah at all.

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 11:11 am

Thanks all ! I feel better ! To me the money issue is a side thing at this point it's the attitude and "verbal abuse " as some have mentioned that didn't let me sleep last night

rachel6543

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 11:30 am

aleph wrote:

As far as I concerned you were assaulted verbally, and it would be a public service to warn people of him and his store. I don't see that as loshon harah at all.

Agree with this 100%!

FranticFrummie

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 3:24 pm

Just be happy you're not standing in his shoes when you reach 120. Hashem sees everything.

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 3:33 pm

Thanks for all the hugs !

sourstix

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 3:45 pm

You should know that I feel sorry for his wife and kids. I'm sorry that he behaved this way to you. I would go online and check to see if his company is there and give him a bad review. I had a very expensive job done by a frum guy a roofer. His deal was he would guarantee his work for 10 yrs, what do u know a year after he finished the work I was leaking into the middle of my master bedroom and he refused to come fix it. I warned him if he doesn't come in a timely manner I will go to bbb. And I gave him a bad review . He showed up at my Door 24 hrs later yelling at the top of his lungs. I guess it works.

People that are frum and con others like this my assumption is you don't believe in g-d or you would stand by your word. A promise is a promise. Don't get me wrong I make mistakes but I apologize for them.

thunderstorm

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 4:23 pm

How horrible! Unfortunately I'm not shocked. I know way too many individuals who have been "honored" for their chesed and tzedaka who are complete low lives . That is Chas vshalom not to say that all baalie tzedaka have skeletons in their closet . But our communities often honor those with money as opposed to honoring those with exemplary middos and integrity.
Just one example. A private donor was helping out my sil after she separated from her DH. The guy told her that he'll pay all the tuition and bills she just needed to send him the bills. He did that for a few months. One day he asked if he could meet with her to discuss her situation. Long story short he grabbed her and tried to kiss her as soon as she stood in the entranceway . She ran for her life.

That is just one of many stories I have heard first hand. Our world is very phony. If this was a big monetary loss I would take him to a Din Torah,speak to your rav

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