How is this acceptable ?!?! (Vent !)

pizza4

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 4:35 pm

What a horrible experience! I'm so sorry that happened to you. You have a great attitude.
It's worse than when a guy is always rude and nasty, because here it seems hypocritical.

leah233

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 5:48 pm

pizza4 wrote:

What a horrible experience! I'm so sorry that happened to you. You have a great attitude.
It's worse than when a guy is always rude and nasty, because here it seems hypocritical.

Certain critics of frum society love saying that we have created an environment where if a person isn't perfect they are led to feel they may as well do everything wrong. This is the only time I've ever seen anyone explicitly say they feel that way.

debsey

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 5:51 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

How horrible! Unfortunately I'm not shocked. I know way too many individuals who have been "honored" for their chesed and tzedaka who are complete low lives . That is Chas vshalom not to say that all baalie tzedaka have skeletons in their closet . But our communities often honor those with money as opposed to honoring those with exemplary middos and integrity.
Just one example. A private donor was helping out my sil after she separated from her DH. The guy told her that he'll pay all the tuition and bills she just needed to send him the bills. He did that for a few months. One day he asked if he could meet with her to discuss her situation. Long story short he grabbed her and tried to kiss her as soon as she stood in the entranceway . She ran for her life.

That is just one of many stories I have heard first hand. Our world is very phony. If this was a big monetary loss I would take him to a Din Torah,speak to your rav

Ouch. Your poor sister. Broken Heart

Amalia

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 6:50 pm

Dear OP,

I am sorry you had such a bad experience.

As for what you should do now, my opinion is: please ask your Rav (or have your husband ask him, if that's more comfortable to you) what you are supposed to do in this situation. I felt threatened and assaulted just reading your post (and yes, the yelling and the profanity was more offensive, although the money is by no means a non-issue). "Taking the high road" may not be the right approach here.
Hatzlacha!

amother

Red

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 8:54 pm

Why does everyone keep saying the OP has a great attitude? Excusing someone's disgusting behavior and letting them walk all over you is not a good attitude in my book. It's being a dishrag.

In answer to the OP - it's not acceptable. Why do you think it is? Your behavior has taught him that it's ok to treat you like that.

cnc

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 8:56 pm

amother wrote:

In response to your last sentence... what exactly is she supposed to do?

This is not her husband that she can shlep to marriage counseling.

debsey

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 8:58 pm

amother wrote:

Because instead of lashing out or completely being passive, she's thinking through her options and deciding what to do to respond. That sounds like a sane adult response to me. She might decide to review him negatively on Yelp! or report him to the BBB, or just never patronize his store again. Either way, she's waiting, talking to other people about her options, and thinking over her best plan.

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 9:38 pm

In answer to the OP - it's not acceptable. Why do you think it is? Your behavior has taught him that it's ok to treat you like that.[/quote]

To answer your question no I don't think it's acceptable and when I tried to speak up he kept giving me the finger and yelling at me "get out of my store " with a string of vulgar language ... So was I supposed to punch him in the face ?! I Called the store after I gave him some time to calm down and asked if this is how you treat customers and the answer was "yeah sometimes " so I guess some people just don't know how to be normal and that's that

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 10:13 pm

Op, you said that this person is known as one who does "chessed" etc. But you know how he really acts....well, this is how it is in life!! The principal of my kids school is honored and they say "he's caring etc" well, the principal acted in a disgusting nasty way towards my family but people dont know what the principal is really like . Just like with this guy, the way he treated you is opposite from his "reputation". This happens a lot.

newmom770

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 4:20 am

The recipient of bad behaviour has more hurt and shock when the perpertrator (sp?) has an excellent reputation. They often have additional suffering because noone sees what they are experiencing and they feel unsupported, alone and invalidated by others' positive perception of the person. They have to witness their abuser getting love, admiration, acceptance and rewards even though they act badly to you.