What does it mean when 8yo DD says "I love you" every 5 min?

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amother

Maroon

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 7:53 pm

Is she just really affectionate? Does she think I don't love her? Of course I do! She just says it a lot, all day, and I'm wondering why, that's all.

octopus

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 7:54 pm

I guess she really loves you! Maybe she misses you all day at school?

cholenteater

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 7:59 pm

Could it be she is looking for reassurance? Waiting to hear you say "I love you too" or to her you say that you love her before she asks for it? Was there a recent big change/transition that has her feeling insecure?

amother

Maroon

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 8:04 pm

amother wrote:

No. sometimes I say it first, but usually it's her.

amother

Salmon

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 8:26 pm

As a person who was (is) always looking for approval and words of love, this sounds to me like she's wanting you to say it first, a lot. Bc once she says it to you, it's not the same if you would have said it first.

luckymom1

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 8:34 pm

People tend to show love in the way they feel loved. Her love language is likely words of affection. She needs to HEAR it...read the book five love languages. Its a game changer in all relationships.

amother

Maroon

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 9:04 pm

luckymom1 wrote:

People tend to show love in the way they feel loved. Her love language is likely words of affection. She needs to HEAR it...read the book five love languages. Its a game changer in all relationships.

Interesting. Thanks.

naomi2

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 9:07 pm

She wants to hear you say it. Also, you can try giving her long sincere hugs for as long as she seems to want.

seeker

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 12:11 am

I'm going to throw in a possibility from the opposite direction - maybe she's saying it because she thinks it's what YOU want to hear. I know a kid whose mom was moody and volatile and the kids had different ways of coping with it - one would try to stay out of the way, one would davka do his own thing as if "see if I care," and one would try to keep mom happy with things like this.

I am NOT NOT NOT implying that OP is a stick of dynamite that her kids need to treat this way. I'm just giving an example of how a child might act this way as a people-pleaser. Maybe it's someone else in the child's life who makes them think that it's important to be a people-pleaser.

In either direction, it does sound insecure and the child could probably use a whole lot of unconditional love and affection. And also maybe a bedtime heart-to-heart conversation to find out if there's anything bothering her.

amother

Lime

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 2:53 am

Interesting. Would you say the same about a 4 year old? Dd has started constantly hugging and kissing me. I do try to remember to give her as much as I can unsolicited, but she is (always was) insatiable.

chavs

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 6:19 am

It sounds like she might need lots of love and hugs and cuddles at the moment. See if you can out do her hugs and I love yous and if that will make her say it less. If so that's your answer. Try to remember to go over to her often and give her a big hug, cuddle, smile or/and have a little chat, tell her you love her etc, keep it up and see if you notice a change in her. It might just be that she isn't feeling very secure and that she's telling you that she needs you more.
I hope this helps.

amother

Maroon

Tue, Nov 22 2016, 7:32 pm

seeker wrote:

Interesting point. She KNOWS I'm kind of a stress case and truth be told, I'm completely washed out and kind of distant after a long intense day at work - then I get zero break between work and mommying. I do all our cooking and cleaning as well. I'm maxed out and probably not as present for her emotionally as she needs me to be, but I feel like I have nothing left so much of the time because of the way my life is.

But I really try.

seeker

Wed, Nov 23 2016, 12:54 am

That's so hard! I'm in the same boat. So it makes sense that she's looking for attention this way. No easy answer but I'm sure that you'll keep trying to figure out how to make it happen. Is there any way to get a little break between work and mommying? A few minutes of meditation on your commute even?

myname1

Wed, Nov 23 2016, 3:40 am

Wow, sounds like a rough time for you. I'd be thankful that this is the way she looks for attention. I really hope you figure out a way!

amother

Maroon

Wed, Nov 23 2016, 7:53 am

seeker wrote:

No. kids commute with me. I get a break at 8:30pm. When they are sleeping.

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