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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Bullying a brother



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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2016, 7:53 pm
I have no idea what to do! My 10 yr old DS bullies my 6 yr old DS both verbally and physically . They don't have any sibs between them. DS told me more than once he wishes his brother was never born. He acts like an angel in school and we are always told how wonderful he is, yet he turns into a monster when it comes to interacting with his brother. He doesn't let him live, morning till night. Whether it's at breakfast, getting dressed, waiting for the bus he drives him nuts. Today after he got dressed he tells him "you look so weird, ha ha it's so ugly etc", then when he was eating he blew his breath intentionally into his face. While waiting for the bus he was pushing him away from the spot he wanted to stand in, eventually he pushed him hard enough and he fell , and had to go on the bus crying. This is a daily routine and its non stop. I seriously can't watch him doing this and I get upset and lash out at him for this behavior. So it's a vicious cycle, because he is obviously jealous of his younger brother so he lets it out on him but I end up trying to protect the younger one more and scold the one that bullies more and I feel like he hates me and my son at this point. What should I do? I'm at a loss and I need to nip it in the bed before it gets worse.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2016, 8:24 pm
Have you read the book, "Siblings Without Rivalry"? It has a lot of good advice.
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2016, 8:32 pm
imasinger wrote:
Have you read the book, "Siblings Without Rivalry"? It has a lot of good advice.


Thanks, I'll read it. Does it address bullying? This is not regular sibling rivalry this is bullying and that's what's so concerning. The other day I was out with DH and my 15 yr old was watching the kids. He called to tell me that DS age 6 had a heavy nose bleed because DS 10 pushed him on the floor and than pushed his face forcefully onto the floor which caused him to bleed.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2016, 8:38 pm
I am not an expert on this so I may be wrong but maybe it will help
1. to give the brother who is bullying a healthy outlet to express his anger like kickboxing or karate
2. validate that brothers disappointment in his younger brother. " I know it must be hard for you to have a brother you don't like spending time with. you don't have to be good friends. but you do need to treat him with basic decency since he is a person with feelings, etc." don't make him feel guilty for not loving his brother
3. make sure the brother who is being bullied knows that you will protect him. try to give him extra affection and love and maybe therapy if you feel he needs that
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2016, 8:46 pm
Bizzydizzymommy wrote:
Thanks, I'll read it. Does it address bullying? This is not regular sibling rivalry this is bullying and that's what's so concerning. The other day I was out with DH and my 15 yr old was watching the kids. He called to tell me that DS age 6 had a heavy nose bleed because DS 10 pushed him on the floor and than pushed his face forcefully onto the floor which caused him to bleed.


Yes, it does address bullying.

This sounds really concerning. I hope you are able to get everyone to a better place!
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amother
Oak


 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2016, 2:35 pm
Please take your older son to therapy with a qualified psychologist. His behavior is beyond the scope of what can be done for him at home, and a professional can help him deal with the underlying issues.
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