Need excellent kiruv professional

njyenta

Wed, Nov 23 2016, 9:49 pm

Not sure if this is the right forum and it might be more than a kiruv issue.

My adult son who has been off the derech for decades now tells me he is a non believer. (He used to say he was non practicing orthodox). I'm getting nervous since he has a non Jewish girlfriend now. He challenged me recently to prove that Hashem exists and he claims to have scientific proof that he doesn't. I'm not a professional and I couldn't answer him Al Regel Achas. Does anyone out there know of a professional who has the expertise to deal with this? We are in the NY area. It's a delicate situation and he can be very resistant. He is in therapy for other issues and his therapist says the only way we can get along right now is to find other things we have in common and not discuss religion. Still, its extremely upsetting, us being frum and revolving our entire life around torah, mitzvos and the belief that Hashem runs the world.

tigerwife

Wed, Nov 23 2016, 9:58 pm

I am in no way a kiruv professional, but my initial reaction to this is just simply not to take on his 'challenge'. You cannot prove that G-D exists. That is why we have the mitzvah of 'Emunah'- if it was obvious fact, then there would be no difficulty in believing. "Son, I believe in G-D and nothing can change that."

His therapist is probably right. Leave out the discussions about religion, and focus on other common interests. Your unconditional love as a mother will come through. Don't let your differences destroy your relationship.

I know you are probably in so much pain based on your posts here. I just want to offer hugs and support. I hope I wasn't hurtful.

doctorima

Wed, Nov 23 2016, 10:48 pm

Rabbi Wallerstein, Rabbi Becher, and Rabbi Rietti all come to mind as excellent and very experienced, but I don't know how much spare time they have. Maybe also Rabbi Gewirtz from Partners in Torah. If these people can't do it, hopefully they can at least steer you in the right direction.

gibberish

Wed, Nov 23 2016, 10:57 pm

I just want to add that if he went OTD, he is probably not interested in believing and a kiruv professional won't help.

The kiruv Rabbis are good with talking to people who are interested and looking to learn,but they don't specialize in OTD.

You would be better talking to someone who deals with the "at risk population. Thankfully I don't have any experience in dealing with that crowd and I cannot recommend any names.

Roots

Thu, Nov 24 2016, 12:06 pm

I think rabbi wallerstein has a lot of these kinds of stories, he mentions them in his shiurim.
hear his shiurim for yourself even, you might find them useful

chicco

Thu, Nov 24 2016, 12:15 pm

I am sorry for the pain you are going through. I think your son wants to believe what he wants to believe right now. I don't think you coming out better in the "challenge" is going to make him come back to religion. I think for right now, you have to love and accept him, without condoning him, and avoid these issues. It must be incredibly painful, but it doesn't seem that he is open to this right now. Davening, daven, daven. And hopefully, by accepting him (without condoning), he will feel safer with you, and hopefully more open to coming around in the future.

Hashem should give you the strength you need.

leah233

Thu, Nov 24 2016, 12:19 pm

Based in the way you describe the situation, that he first stopped practicing and then decided afterwards that he doesn't believe it doesn't sound like a real Emunah issue. Even if he insists it is.

People in such situation usually aren't really open to being convinced otherwise. Which is why you are probably better off with a "at risk" person than a Kiruv professional. But maybe a Kiruv professional can recommend one.