Please help me find the right school! (NY area)

amother

Crimson

Thu, Nov 24 2016, 11:39 pm

I am right-wing but I need a more open-minded school as DH is no longer observant and we feel this will be easier for the kids to handle if they are in a school that is not as narrowly focused as their current far-right placement. But it is also important to me that they receive the same level of Jewish values that they currently do. I have found, for example, that while we are worried that our right-wing education looks down on more "modern" people, the people I've seen in the more MO schools look down on yeshivish people in a way that is not OK with me either, especially since I have many chareidi family members, in addition to just thinking this whole judging others thing is gross. I don't even know if anything exists that is truly open-minded in both directions. Plus, I don't want to send to the type of place that makes Torah and mitzvos optional. My kids need to know that there are many approaches to Judaism, and that if someone is choosing not to keep Judaism at all then that is between them and Hashem and we can't be disrespectful toward them, but I don't want them to get the message in school that they should just do what "feels right to them." This is something that I have seen in LWMO schools.

So that's already hard enough to find but I also need a school that provides a good environment for kids who learn differently. As far as I know at this point my kids don't have any serious learning disabilities but they would not thrive in an inflexible, high-pressured type of school. They're creative and quirky and they need the kinds of teachers and principals who will TEACH them what to do rather than punish or make them feel bad if they say something that rubs the wrong way. They have a lot of emotional stress at home and while we do our best to mitigate that, they need a TLC type of school.

Another issue I have with the MO schools I looked at is that they seem to attract people with a certain lifestyle that I'd never fit into. It seems very high maintenance. We're not rich people and even if we were I don't think I could keep up to date on all the trends. And there's so much technology and obsession with cultural things like whatever movie/video game/character is current. (I have nothing against technology per se but I'm talking about kids who live with their noses glued to smartphones. Too much for me.) I am not willing to bend myself out of shape trying to fit in to something like that, but in certain places that would doom my kids to social disaster.

It would be best for a number of reasons if we don't need to move out of NY to find this. I'm open to suggestions outside NY but most strongly looking for something closer. There are so many schools in this area it's hard to imagine none of them will fit our needs, I just haven't figured out which to look at yet...

amother

Crimson

Fri, Nov 25 2016, 12:47 am

amother wrote:

Be'er Hagolah. They are extremely warm there and prioritize the emotional well being of the students. It's a kiruv school so they won't be judgmental of your situation. There are also many ffb kids who go there for a variety of reasons too. The administration is Yeshivish and the families that send there range from not frum to black hat.

I send one of my children there and I'm completely in love with the school thus far. It's worth checking it out.

I need more than warm, I need competent educators who know how to accommodate students with different learning styles. What are the teachers like?

Also, what type of kiruv school is it? Because if they are trying to encourage people to be more yeshivish it won't be a good fit. I don't want a place where all the teachers are the same type and that type is black-hat-yeshivish.

The school where they are now is very warm and all that but the teachers are all yeshivish and that's the hashkafah they promote and we are running into issues where my kids are upset about our family not being like that.

amother

Pink

Fri, Nov 25 2016, 1:26 am

amother wrote:

I can only speak of my current experience, but the teachers my child has teach to different learning styles. My child who was barely passing at her previous school is doing really well in most subjects. Learning activities are often hands on and kinesthetic and involve creativity. The ELA curriculum is completely differentiated and designed to challenge each student at their appropriate level. My kid has also come home with really meaningful graphic organizers that have completely revolutionized her inferencing skills.

As far as I can tell, they don't encourage people to become more yeshivish. I'm not yeshivish at all and don't have any issues hashkafically with what they teach. They are very successful at what they do, and really just want to instill a love of Judaism in students and provide students who might otherwise have gone to public school with a jewish education. They are sensitive to the backgrounds of their students and don't want to cause home/school conflict. As I said in my previous post, they prioritize the emotional well being of the students. Please realize that this has implications across the board and is more than simply being a warm school.

You have a lot of questions and concerns understandably, so why don't you just check them out in person and see if it could work?

You don't want a school where yeshivish hashkafa is espoused, and you don't want a modern orthodox school, so what exactly are you looking for? Every mainstream Jewish school is going to have a specific hashkafa that they teach, so how would you describe yourself? Kiruv schools are pretty much the only schools that don't teach much as far as hashkafa goes.

And for the record, many of my children go to MO schools and are nothing like what you claimed in your post. I find it interesting that you're looking for an accepting place but at the same time are so critical of others.

amother

Crimson

Fri, Nov 25 2016, 1:46 am

Thank you for describing your experience in Beer Hagolah. It sounds very special and I am definitely going to look into it.

I'm not being critical of others in general, just of the specific schools that I looked into and am familiar with people who go there. I'd be fine with a MO school as I relate most closely to modern orthodoxy's hashkafic positions, but the specific MO schools that I know about are not a good fit for the reasons I mentioned. That's the main reason my kids are in a yeshivish school now and that's why I posted here looking for different schools, whether MO or mixed or whatever. I have MO friends out of town who are not like that at all, but a lot of things will work out much better if we can figure this out in NY or nearby. I'm sure with the plethora of schools in NY there are many different types and not all are like the 3 MO or about 10 yeshivish ones that I'm personally familiar with.

OOC where do your other kids go?

amother

Crimson

Fri, Nov 25 2016, 12:45 pm

amother wrote:

Netivot ( http://mynetivot.com/ ) in central NJ, elementary and middle school. Strong MO hashkafa, attracts a Jewishly diverse crowd. The local MO community is much "lower-maintenance" that you seem to be accustomed to. The Montessori approach gives students room to work at their own pace with amazingly dedicated teachers. Worth a look; some kids commute from various places in the NYC area, and some people move closer to school if they feel it is worth it. Good luck!

How long is NYC commute? What communities are close to it?

amother

Brunette

Fri, Nov 25 2016, 1:06 pm

amother wrote:

How long is NYC commute? What communities are close to it?

The school is located in East Brunswick, NJ, and very close to Edison/Highland Park. About 20 minutes to the Manalapan area, and 35-45 minutes to Elizabeth.

Commute time depends on your location in NY. Forty minutes from Staten Island (Willowbrook), but more like an hour from most parts of Brooklyn and Manhattan. At least one family has come from as far as the Five Towns area, so it's do-able. Best to map it from your own location or contact the school for more info.

saw50st8

Fri, Nov 25 2016, 2:28 pm

My kids are at Yeshivat He'atid in Teaneck. It's a great school and we love it. The parent body is definitely lower key. I'm really low maintenance and have friends who range from my end of the spectrum to higher maintenance and we all get along. My kids do too. That being said, in general, the MO community is wealthier overall so you have more families who vacation in Florida and Israel or send to sleep away camp at younger ages. Not everyone does and no one is really looked down upon for doing so.

Education wise: the model is pretty different from many schools. They use rotations to allow the kids to learn both independently and in small groups. They do a lot of project based learning in class and across the school. There is a lot of ruach and love of Torah. It only goes up to 5th grade right now, but is adding a grade every year. It is coed.

We really love the school. I have kids who are all such different learners and each one thrives in their own way. The school has been really flexible with dealing with each child's uniqueness.

www.yeshivatheatid.org