Early Shabbosos- HELP!

amother

Azure

Sat, Nov 26 2016, 8:36 pm

How does everyone do it? Looking for systems, hints, tips, schedules, ANYTHING really! I don't even work on Fridays but I can't seem to get it together! I have a bunch of kids 8 and younger and spend the last 2 hours before Shabbos stressing and shushing my kids because they are distracting me from the myriad tasks that need to be accomplished. I think my menu is pretty simple, I cook some stuff in advance. A month ago I had to let my Thursday cleaning help go and I have not found a replacement yet, which definitely adds to the challenge. The kids are making messes and I am trying to clean up after them all friday afternoon. DH is hardly any help, he does come home at around 2pm but he showers forever, works slow, and asks me endless questions for every task I assign him, to the point that its almost easier to do it all myself rather than be interrupted constantly by him. Also, I work pretty inefficiently somehow. I think I cook and clean slowly - I get distracted easily and have trouble staying on task…

My biggest concern is that my kids will resent shabbos and be hurt by my shrugging them off and clipped interactions with them, but although I have really been trying to be more calm, the stress just does this to me. HELP PLEASE!

zaq

Sat, Nov 26 2016, 9:06 pm

Plan ahead. Start early. Pretend you work on Fridays. For those who actually do work Fridays, Erev Shabbos is thursday, not friday. Make it so for you, too.

IOW: Put candles in your leichter Motzoei Shabbos. Start cooking Sunday or Monday and freeze. Buy produce Wednesday. Clean house Thursday. Finish food prep Thursday night. Friday is for baths, setting table, boiling water, reheating food on the blech. NOT for cooking from scratch and cleaning house.

To keep on track, make a schedule for the week, assigning yourself different tasks for each day, as above. Designate one area of your home as the Friday play space --it can be one of the kids' rooms--and enforce that. Put newspaper down on the floor and let your kids play there and nowhere else. Also, every child aged 3 and up should have assigned chores, age appropriate.

Your 5-8-year-olds , who I assume go to school at least until noon on Friday, should not be playing and making a mess erev Shabbos. They should be cleaning up their rooms, putting their laundry in the hamper, taking baths, emptying wastebaskets, mopping floors--yes, they can. my kids had a chore wheel from the time they were 5. Each kid had a room to dust and vacuum or mop besides changing his or her own linens and making his or her own bed. They were also assigned table-setting and similar jobs. Despite being a perfectionist by nature, I forced myself to be satisfied with the jobs my kids did and not do them over to my adult standards.

All my life I have marveled at all the kids I see playing in the local yeshiva ketana's schoolyard on Friday afternoons. Why are they playing and not home helping out in some capacity? Even if they have a sahm with full-time household help, proper chinuch dictates that they should participate in Shabbos preparation and be given some genuine responsibilities.

thunderstorm

Sat, Nov 26 2016, 9:09 pm

I work on Fridays and I am not a night person, so Thursday's I don't accomplish much. DH cooks part of the food and I do the other part. The kids all chip in. My little ones clean the playroom and straighten their own room. Another kid preps the dining room table and my licht. Another kid dusts all the furniture etc.
Little kids can put away their own folded laundry as long as you tell them where to put it. When everyone works as a team things fall into place quite quickly. If I were you I'd start the cleaning a bit on Wednesday such as bedrooms and bathrooms. The kitchen will get dirty after you cook so leave that for the last. Sometimes it just makes more sense to buy a kugel and challah rather then the making the mess and having to clean it up. You should bathe the kids Thursday night so that you are not busy with baths Friday afternoon.
Do not wait until Friday to do everything. I hated that my mother procrastinated and then Friday was always a crazy, angry and bitter day. It's so much more pleasant to be proactive and come into shabbos relaxed

MagentaYenta

Sat, Nov 26 2016, 9:11 pm

zaq wrote:

This is worth repeating,I could not like it enough. I've never understood why these kids are out playing and not helping at home. The youngest kids got to fold napkins, when they were ready I showed them fancy folds. Older kids got to clean bathrooms and bedrooms and make sure their linens were changed.

amother

Taupe

Sat, Nov 26 2016, 9:19 pm

Make yourself a few rules:
1 No laundry on Fridays. Fold and put away all of Thursdays laundry on Thursday

2 Bathe the kids on Thursday nights

3 Prepare lunch/snacks for friday afternoons on Thursday so that the kids will not go hungry and get upset.

4 Give each child an age appropriate chore to do on friday afternoon, and give them a (already prepared treat) after doing the chore.

5 cook as much as possible in advacne - cook friday night food on wednesday adn shabbos lunch food on thursday. Just make your cholent on friday, nothing else

6 prepare candles/ tear toilet paper/tape down fridge light etc on thursday

going anon because I have shared this list with so many people..
good luck

amother

Azure

Sat, Nov 26 2016, 10:22 pm

You ladies are amazing. So much valuable stuff to implement.

What jobs can I give the kids? DD7 bakes, but it makes a mess and sometimes needs help so we started doing that on Thursdays. DS5 likes to peel veggies and make matzo balls, but according to the 'new me,' all of that should be done by the time he gets home on Friday. Unfortunately, my kids don't really have a good role model for cleaning and straightening up because I am so lost in that department. Sad

MagentaYenta

Sat, Nov 26 2016, 10:38 pm

amother wrote:

A seven year old can fold his laundry and put it away, load the washer, clean a bathroom, sweep a floor, or wash it or push the vac or dust. A five year old can also dust, fold their own clothes, deliver cleaned and folded clothes to the appropriate rooms, set the table, put toys away. And husbands can do a lot more. You may have to lower your expectations for a bit of time. No one is expecting perfection the first few times. Practicing a task is one component of mastering a task.

seeker

Sat, Nov 26 2016, 11:15 pm

My short Fridays go best when I do EVERYTHING on Thursday. Including bathing small children. And usually the cleanliness is less than I would prefer for Shabbos but sometimes you just need to prioritize. I actually find that when I really succeed in having EVERYTHING ready from Thursday, that's when I end up having the most time to tidy up and clean on Friday so sometimes I end up with a net gain but it really all depends what else is going on in life at the same time.

amother

Magenta

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 12:10 am

I do have cleaning help so that's one huge difference for me.
If I bake challah I do it on Tuesday or Wednesday. One batch lasts me 3 or 4 weeks. So I freeze it and take it out of the freezer on Friday, I put it in the oven when I reheat all the other food. It helps give it a fresher taste.
Chicken soup I put up Thursday morning and let simmer all day. Sometimes I'll even peel and cut the vegetables on Wednesday and leave in the fridge over night.
Gefilte fish is made any time on Thursday. Apple cobbler, Cole slaw, or any extras are made on Wednesday or Thursday.
All chulent ingredients (boil beans, defrost meat) is prepared on Thursday. Friday morning I add spices and put up crockpot.
Chicken is cleaned in advance but I bake it fresh on Friday. Potatoes for kugel are peeled Thursday night and left in a covered pot of water overnight to be made fresh on Friday.
By the time my cleaning lady comes at 9am Friday morning I am finished in my kitchen for shabbos.
Anything I can make in bulk and freeze gets made once in awhile on a Tuesday or Wednesday. This includes things like carrot muffins, deli roll, broccoli quiche or kugel, lukshen kugel, matzoh balls, even lukshen for the soup.
Your children will end up being less involved in the cooking for shabbos unless you do it with them in the evenings. But they can certainly peel potatoes and other vegetables.
They can clear the table and prepare for a tablecloth or even put it on. They can set the table.
My 7 yr old loves to vacuum and has been doing it for a few yrs already.
My 9 yr old can help fold laundry and from a young age she separated clean laundry for me into piles. I found it more manageable to fold when there were small piles of each person's stuff.
The kids won't clean the bathrooms but they can definitely help in other ways.
My rule is you eat lunch sitting by the table and that's it until the shabbos seuda. It's early enough that they can wait and no reason to make a mess.

smileyfaces

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 1:40 am

Tell us what your menu looks like and maybe we can help you divide up so it's not all left for Friday.
If you don't work Friday it's very manegable to get everything done.
For sure get your children to help with chores, besides for it saving you time they should learn to help around the house.
My 4 year old sets the shabbos table almost by herself. She can vacuum and put away toys and help put away folded laundry.
I do my shopping Wednesday so I can cook 75% of shabbos on Thursday night. Friday after coming home from work there's just enough time to make 2-3 things (kugel fresh, chicken, etc) then cleaning up and showers/baths.

amother

Amethyst

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 1:56 am

When Shabbos is early, I try to make sure everything is done on Thursday (or before). All shopping for Shabbos on Wednesday, and some cooking if possible. Pretty much all the cooking on Thursday, as well as baths for the kids, and as much cleaning up as possible. Sometimes I actually end up being less rushed than in the summer because when Shabbos is late I leave a lot for Friday and it can be hard to get everything in. (Disclaimer: I am a night person, so I am able to stay up late on Thursday to get these things in. But I do also work on Fridays and get home around 12 and I don't have any cleaning help.)

I totally relate to the issue of the kids making a mess and setting me back in my Shabbos preps because I have to then deal with that mess. Instead of giving your DH tasks to prepare for Shabbos, would it be possible for him to just keep the kids busy for an hour and prevent them from making more mess and from interrupting you from the tasks you are busy with?

chanchy123

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 2:30 am

I work occasionally on Fridays (it's been about every other week in the past couple of months) as Zaq said I consider Thursday my Friday - the kids are sometimes confused when I say it's erev shabbat on Thursday - but I am that focused that it is for me. I'm not super organized, but this is what works for me. I do all the cooking on Thursday (if I'm really organized I do baking on Wednesday) - whatever is not done Thursday doesn't get done and we will buy ready made as needed. It takes me about three hours on average to cook Thursday night. I try to make sure the house is organized by Thursday night - but doesn't always work out. Friday, the kids (a bit older than yours, but my younger ones are in your range). organize public areas - living room, kitchen and den. DH washes floors and dishes - I do counter tops and bathrooms. Two hours are enough for this - on a very basic level of cleanliness.
The best thing about this system is that since we live in Israel and Fridays are generally a day off from work and not from school - when I do not work Fridays, DH and I have the morning to go out and enjoy.
In summer I have time to deal with laundry on Fridays as well. In winter I have learned to ignore laundry and do it in increments during the week.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 2:33 am

One recent thing that makes a big difference: my DH started taking my kids out to shul an hour before Shabbos. That way I can finish up in peace. I light candles earlier than 18 minutes and walk/run to pick them up so he can daven. They love it; he uses that tme to learn with them, I send "pekalach" with some real food like rice cakes and some more nosh stuff like pretzels and potato chips. DH likes that he gets to shul earlier.

amother

Blonde

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 3:19 am

amother wrote:

When the kids come home from school I tell them they all need to chip in to clean up the house for shabbos. Once they're done they eat lunch and are treated to videos.
Just some examples.
My four year old goes around the house and picks up any garbage (you'd be surprised at what's found, used tissues in bedrooms, a stray bandaid in the bathroom). Then the same with dirty laundry (always manages to find a pair of dh socks and pj's in kids bedrooms). Third round is picking up stray toys (this is if I'm running more behind than usual).
While that's being done, 10 year old straightens up bathrooms and wipes them down with Clorox wipes. Then makes all beds. Also puts away any leftover groceries from boxes of shabbos shopping (this is if I'm running more behind than usual).
Afterwards, 4 year old loves to use a spray bottle of water on the kitchen and bathroom tiled floors and wipes it all down with small thick towel rag. It helps me since there's no time for a rewash after cooking for shabbos this time of year. You'd be surprised how much better the floor looks and it's a treat to the 4 year old.

nicole81

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 4:07 am

Our 6 year old rips paper towel and sweeps the dining room and kitchen floor. She's tiny, but she's learned to handle the broom and dustpan with practice. She's also set the table many times over, but that's no longer her job.

My 10 year old cleans the bathroom on the main floor.

My 11 year old boy cleans the dining room table, puts on the tablecloths, and sets it.

My 11 year old girl babysits the 7 month old and helps get the 6 year old ready.

I come home from work anywhere from 10 min to 2 hours before shabbat. But once I'm in the homestretch, all children are banned from the main floor until candlelighting, save for their jobs and walking out the door to shul. Their actual job is to play quietly and neatly. This way they keep to their rooms and generally play legos, magnatiles, or on an electronic device from an hour before until shabbat.

They don't mind being banned; they like that one of their shabbat readiness jobs is playing and because it's a job, they really respect the neatness parameters. Plus, we spend 3+ hours of quality time together during dinner and they know that's coming.

As far as cooking goes, I think you need to have everything done before Friday. I only ever put up cholent on Friday unless I'm not working. And I find that when I have a Friday off and I cook, I end up running just as late as when I work. Most weeks I also pull 1-2 main dishes, soup, and challah from the freezer. Maybe with so many young children you would want to consider cooking in bulk and freezing?