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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, Fast Days, and other Days of Note

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ora_43

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 5:30 am

Whatever it is you need to do, write a schedule beforehand. Make sure you're being realistic about how long each task takes - eg don't just write "make kugel - 15 minutes," how long does it usually take you to make kugel? (it's usually at least twice as long as you think... )

Then adjust as necessary so that you have time for your kids, too. Eg if you have "3pm - 4pm finish soup, bake cookies, mop kitchen, shower, rip toilet paper, set up candles, wipe down counters" - obviously that's not going to work... so then you can say "Ok, I'll buy dessert, I'll have my oldest wipe down the counters, I'll rip toilet paper on Thursday and make the soup in the morning," etc. Until you have a reasonable number of tasks per hour that allows you to be available for last-minute things with your kids, too.

Have a parallel schedule for what your kids will be doing. Eg "1pm-2pm free play, 2pm-3pm shower," etc. Is it realistic? If they always need a snack at 3pm, you need to have "make snack" in your 2-3 slot (or assign that job to a child). If they don't play nicely alone together, don't schedule them to play alone for two hours while you work. Etc.

Keep in mind that it's OK to just drop jobs completely if you don't have time and your husband isn't helping. Do whatever you can handle, and if your husband and kids aren't happy with the results - good. They'll be more inspired to help out next time.

PinkFridge

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 7:40 am

zaq wrote:

All my life I have marveled at all the kids I see playing in the local yeshiva ketana's schoolyard on Friday afternoons. Why are they playing and not home helping out in some capacity? Even if they have a sahm with full-time household help, proper chinuch dictates that they should participate in Shabbos preparation and be given some genuine responsibilities.

Maybe everything was so well organized at home that by Friday afternoon they were free agents? OK, some of them at least.

OP, yes, your husband should be on board, but if you start implementing the great ideas here, I think it will happen by osmosis. Remember, the goal is to go into Shabbos calmly and with shalom.

Right now, we're at the shortest Shabbasos. Shabbos will not start significantly earlier, so that might help you relax.

Here are a few thoughts:
1. Check out www.chatzos.com, especially the getting started section.
2. I don't know what your space constraints are but when my kids were little, every kid had a basket near the dryer. When I did laundry, whatever didn't go in the dryer (e.g. Shabbos clothes) got hung up right away, and clean laundry was pitched directly from the dryer into their baskets. If I didn't get to the baskets, they knew where to find clean clothes and at some point started to empty them themselves. So by Thursday, you can make sure their Shabbos clothes and enough clothes to get them through Sunday are clean, and if you must do laundry erev Shabbos, it can be emergency stuff (e.g. wet sheets if you're in that parsha) and stay in the dryer.
3. Do you have a freezer, or space in your freezer? While it only takes a few minutes to prep a simple chicken, I still feel more relaxed if I buy fresh chicken earlier in the week, prep and freeze. I put it in the oven about a half hour earlier than I normally would and there is no change in quality.
4. Speaking of quality, some people are "never freezer" people. B"H my MIL was a freezer queen so her boys were all well-trained. Everyone loves the soup vegetables, even if mushy ;-) But other than the mushy soup veg., I don't believe we sacrifice on quality at all.
5. Streamline the menu. I don't make kugel erev Shabbos. If I need a starch and don't have one in the freezer or fridge (you can make a LOT of food on Wed. and refrigerate) I have bags of frozen southern hash brown potatoes (cubes). I pour a bag in my 9x13 and put the chicken over it.
6. Make Shabbos fun for the kids and unless there's egregious behavior on Shabbos itself, don't deny them your basic treats. We had a licht bensching treat, Shabbos cereal, treat while I davened, and Shabbos party. (My kids drink water during the week and eat healthily, even when young they loved soup and didn't do too much juice.) I would go to the library to get extra books, walk the kids wherever they needed on Shabbos, go to playgrounds when warm enough, etc. If you are fairly calm on Shabbos, and they have pleasant memories of Shabbos, they will not remember that you couldn't pass the white glove test. (Who'm I kidding. In my case, the gray glove test Tongue Out

)

Now, say that you start implementing some changes. And erev Shabbos crunch time comes and you're still feeling stressed. Please give yourself a pat on the back for the positive efforts you've made. Smile and tell Hashem that you're trying and that with His help you will hope for things to get better. Let your kids know how important Shabbos is that you want to work with them - empower them, let them know that they can have a part in producing a wonderful Shabbos - to make Shabbos better and better and that by... Tu B'Shvat,[see ETA] things will be different and even better. Stress the "even." Because don't knock yourself. What you do now is good. More than good. Let's make Shabbos great again Very Happy

Hatzlacha!

ETA: why am I so pessimistic? Make that Shabbos Chanukah.

Last edited by PinkFridge on Sun, Nov 27 2016, 9:35 am; edited 1 time in total

cbg

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 8:01 am

I am also slow and get easily distracted.
This is the schedule that works for me

Sunday - Bare minimum for a working household to get ready for Monday.
Monday - Cleaning lady 8hrs.
Tuesday- challah, baked goods (every other week)
Wednesday- wash all linens, shopping for Shabbat and the week
Thursday - no matter what I cook EVERYTHING for Shabbat. Even if I have to stay up til 2 am.
Also I make a very easy dinner, and I"ll prepare something for Friday lunch as well.
Friday - Cleaning lady 8hrs. I have her set the table for me.

DH and DS shirts get sent out, so I have no ironing.
I don't let laundry accumulate, when the kids were little (4 kids close in age)
I did laundry everyday. Smaller loads are easier to handle and put away.
My kids wore uniforms to school, it went straight from the laundry to wearing, this minimized folding. Same is true for linens and towels, straight from the dryer back on the bed.

DH doesn't help, or asks too many questions that it's easier for me, so he gets me a cleaning lady. That's his way of helping.

BUT---

He does set up the candles on Thursday night.
Will go to the store to pick up forgotten items.
Is not picky

You must get a cleaning lady right away

PinkFridge

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 8:10 am

I forgot: erev Shabbos food. I'd make enough Thursday night to cover Fri. lunch and I made easy food to tide them over mid-afternoon - e.g. kugel, hard-boiled eggs, ramen soup, pasta salad, whatever works for you but just do have something easily available.

And about cleaning help: I don't know your budget, how easy it is to get help, etc. I hope you find someone. Till then, don't give up. Do what you can. Maybe you can get someone less often but maintain things in between?

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 8:17 am

I have a cleaning help every day monday to thursday. Some messes still happen on Friday, but oh well. I do zero cleaning on Friday other than basic hygienic stuff- sweeping food that falls on the floor and wiping down the counters and getting whatever I used for cooking in the dishwasher. My Shabbos food is simple. No kugels, no baked goods. Soup, salad, and chicken for Friday night and cholent for Shabbos lunch. Obviously I do more for guests but I just don't have guests often. My kids help with setting the table and putting their toys away.

cbg

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 8:27 am

OH -I forgot the MOST important thing.
No matter what
On Friday morning I daven.
I add in my davening for Hashem to help me be calm and ready for Shabbat early.

jflower

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 8:53 am

amother wrote:

6 prepare candles/ tear toilet paper/tape down fridge light etc on thursday

who cuts toilet paper?????? Do people really do that?

Why not buy a box of cheap tissues??

The houses in my neighborhood were built 100 years ago. Many of us have done some updating, such as renovating kitchens & bathrooms but the main sewer pipes that lead to the city system are still old (unless the pipes have cracked & were replaced.)

When I moved here I was told that several neighbors had problems with sewer backup until they were told not to use tissues as toilet paper. Problem solved.

amother

Linen

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 9:34 am

Everyone is sharing amazing tips. I just want you to know that you are not alone in this struggle. One week I did well and the next I was crying when I lit the candles because I looked around andbthe laptop wasnt put away and their were toys all over... good luck!

amother

Purple

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 9:45 am

I do most cooking Thursday when I come home from work. And finish friday. Dh does cleaning.
Kids get bathed on Friday. I make believe shabbos is earlier and bench 5 minutes early each week.
Shopping gets done Wednesday usually.
For example this week:
Came home Thursday at about 3.
Was up till 11 and made:
Chicken soup
Chicken over rice.
Meat
Roasted potatoes
Brocolli
Eggplant dip
Tomato dip
Roasted garlic
4 pots of popcorn for our shul kiddush
Liver for our shull kiddush(took out some for us)
2 Yaptchik- shul
1 potato kugel- shul
Peeled potaoes for kugel for us for shabbos

Dh cleaned whole upstairs of my house including doing all.laundry wash fold and put away

Friday:
Morning I put up cholent

Came home at 1 with my kids
Made kugels for us
Made carrot muffins and chocolate cupcakes

Dh and kids cleaned family room and whole downstairs. Dh mopped and vaccuumed.
I gave kids baths and we all showered.

I make challah once every free weeks and freeze
I had frozen Matza balls
I had frozen kishka
Put eggs in cholent

Was ready 20 minutes before shabbos bh.

WastingTime

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 11:57 am

I totally commiserate with you OP!
My personal issue is that my house is a perpetual mess and we try to restore order from the whole week on Friday. This week I even stayed up Thursday night till 130 cooking and washing up but was still so harried. What helps me is if Wednesday I make sure all the bedrooms and counter tops are cleared up. Thursday cooking and finish laundry (laundry on Fridays is a killer for me). Like everyone else said prepare in advance. Try to work out what you are doing Friday that can be done earlier and find a place in your schedule to do it.
Hatzlacha to us all!!!

pause

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 12:24 pm

Things kids 8 and under can help with:
I have a wheel and we turn the wheel each Friday so that Shabbas jobs get rotated. Jobs include:
putting away toys/games
sweeping or vacuuming their room
make their bed
vacuum the steps
set the table - cutlery, napkins
put grape juice, seltzer, etc. into the fridge

seeker

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 12:46 pm

I fully believe in kids helping. When Shabbos starts this early I have the kids help on Thursday the same way I do my preparations on Thursday. The last thing I need is to spend my paltry half-hour between work and candlelighting nagging my 6-year-old to cut the toilet paper already.

pause

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 3:25 pm

amother wrote:

Just saw this.
WHOA! That is a ton of food. Please don't advise OP. You are amazing for doing all that, but there is no way at all that this much food would be eaten in my house nor would I wish to be busy doing all this erev shabbas.

And being ready 20 minutes before Shabbas is not leaving time in case of emergency. I aim to be ready an hour and half but usually it's more like an hour. And ready means all ready so that I have time to feed my kids before lecht tzinden.

pause

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 3:26 pm

seeker wrote:

FYI: you know you can buy cut toilet paper?

amother

Khaki

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 3:30 pm

Great ideas here. What do your 10-16 year olds do on Fridays? And, what do they do to pitch in and help out for shabbos?

amother

Bronze

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 3:56 pm

amother wrote:

Great ideas here. What do your 10-16 year olds do on Fridays? And, what do they do to pitch in and help out for shabbos?

When my girls, all married, were that age, they all helped me in the kitchen.
All my girls from 12 knew how to bread fish and schnitzel, season chicken and roast, make gefoilta fish, Morrocan fish, rice. They were always in the kitchen helping me and when they didn't know what to do, they asked me.
We use to play games while cooking. Say a word and make up a song.
They all cook better than me now. And they are fast in the kitchen. I'm amazed.
At 16 they can each make a whole Shabbat on their own.

Actually when my baby was 16 she asked if we can go to the mall on Black Friday. I told her no since we need to prepare everything for Shabbat.
On Thursday we went to family for Thanksgiving, came home tired.
I said it's ok, I'll prepare on Friday since I had off from work, and I had some things in the freezer.
On Friday morning, 6 am, I woke up.
All of Shabbat was completely cooked.
Kitchen spotless
The table set.
The floors washed
Everything put away.
The downstairs was completely ready for Shabbat.
Of course I took her to the mall.
I still don't know if she even went to sleep that night.

maapse

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 4:56 pm

amother wrote:

Friday:
Morning I put up cholent

Came home at 1 with my kids
Made kugels for us
Made carrot muffins and chocolate cupcakes

I dont understand this. Kugels, muffins and cupcakes freeze beautifully. Why are you making them in friday afternoon?

MamaBear

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 5:17 pm

amother wrote:

You must have been so proud of her. I love stories like this Smile

Raisin

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 5:24 pm

I also really struggle with this. I do have cleaning help every friday BUT I never know how many guests I will have. Literally until they walk in the door. So I need to be prepared. I also have an idiotic meshugas that I like to have fresh challa on a friday. (DO NOT copy this!)

In an ideal week I:

wash laundry on sunday
fold on monday or tuesday
cleaning lady comes on tuesdays so linen gets washed then some weeks.
shopping on wednesday
dessert and challah dough thursday night, maybe dips
Friday - shape and bake challah, soup and knaidlich or gefilta fish (never both), dips, side dishes - my cleaning lady makes green beans and peels any veggies and I make easy things like rice or roast baby potatoes or roast veggies or orzo. Usually 2 different ones but it's really not necessary. Very rarely I make a huge batch of potatoe kugel and freeze some for another week. Chicken goes in last thing and my cleaning lady finishes cleaning up while I get me and kids bathed and ready for shabbos. Lunch is cholent (takes 5 minutes) or cold cuts plus leftovers.

amother

Seashell

Sun, Nov 27 2016, 6:11 pm

I got a real wake up call when I started working a few years ago until 2 on fridays (since then my hours have changed, but I haven't) and have totally changed my ways!

This how my week looks:
Monday and Tuesday are heavy laundry days - they got washed,folded and put away that day.
Tuesday - I make a shopping list/invite guest/ decide menu
Wednesday (no matter what!!!) I go shopping and put away wednesday evening.
Thursday- come home from work, try to do as much as I can in the hour be4 the mad rush, like put up gefilte fish, cut up soup vegetables, clean chicken , and then at 5 oclock I take my kids for pizza around the corner its a major help for me.
Thursday evening I prepare everything- the soup, bread shnitzle, a baked good, matzo balls,
Some things that I like fresh, I just marinate/peel/ have ready for Friday morning.
Friday- wake up an hour earlier and put up cholent, fry shnitzle, and make potato kugel (total meshigas of mine for fresh kugel)
I get everyone off to school and run to work - when I come home with the kids I quickly put in the chicken and roasted vegetables.
spend the rest of the afternoon bathing the kids and reminding them to do their jobs around the house.
I should add that I have help half a day Monday and full day Friday which is a LIFESAVER.
My kids know at this point not to take out too many toys in living/dining room areas,
but I make sure my kids all do their own jobs like put away knapsacks, school shoes, projects and muktzah.
after they shower/bathe and shabbos ready, I sit them down with chicken soup and dvd (the older ones on their electronics) so that I can shower.
my dh comes home with enough time to shower and run to shul.

not gonna say its not stressful, but bh I dont feel that insane mad rush like I used to!
having cleaning help on fridays really really really helps!

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