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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Teenage Feelings
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 29 2016, 3:46 pm
rvkk111 wrote:
. Every notice how sneaky yeshivish kids are? Wonder why...


OK, here's where this dialogue ends. I can talk to people who are interested in exploring alternative viewpoints, not with people who can only denigrate others. To answers, there are no answers....

My kids are not sneaky. Nor are the children of my friends. I resent that characterization. They are happy, wholesome, lively adorable kids, who come along with their own challenges, as do all kids. Thanks for the judgmentalism.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 29 2016, 3:54 pm
rvkk111 wrote:
Ah, yes, because learning Torah all day and thinking about nothing elsei s great for society!! Perhaps that's why bochurim don't know anything about secular topics..Why don't we let them think about things that normal people think about, let them read books that are about science, history, art, etc, and if a girl comes up, oh well. We're supposed to be out in the world, not sheltering our kids from every single thing. It won't work. Every notice how sneaky yeshivish kids are? Wonder why...


You're relatively new to the board, so maybe it's worth pointing out the following.

There are people here from many different backgrounds. We often have very, very different opinions on things.

Wording those opinions in a way that is not insulting is very important.

It is also important, in general, not to generalize about any aspect of society, whether it be by skin color, hashkafa, or anything else. People are people, and there are successes and failures from every race, culture, and religious stance.

Stick around, get to know people here, and feel free to share your differing views.

Nicely.


Last edited by imasinger on Tue, Nov 29 2016, 3:55 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 29 2016, 3:55 pm
rvkk111 wrote:
Ah, yes, because learning Torah all day and thinking about nothing elsei s great for society!! Perhaps that's why bochurim don't know anything about secular topics..Why don't we let them think about things that normal people think about, let them read books that are about science, history, art, etc, and if a girl comes up, oh well. We're supposed to be out in the world, not sheltering our kids from every single thing. It won't work. Every notice how sneaky yeshivish kids are? Wonder why...


So this is about putting down Yeshivish people and making sweeping generalizations about them. I agree with Debsey - I'm outta here. I guess I didn't notice that at all.
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 29 2016, 3:59 pm
I wouldn't express myself like that, but I also think it's terribly unwholesome.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 29 2016, 4:01 pm
sequoia wrote:
I wouldn't express myself like that, but I also think it's terribly unwholesome.


We can agree to disagree, Sequoia. We can do it respectfully Smile.
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 29 2016, 4:06 pm
Chayalle wrote:
We can agree to disagree, Sequoia. We can do it respectfully Smile.


Agree 100%. Which is why your comments, Sequoia, are worthy of discussion and dialogue. Bashing or judging comments, not so much. Glad to discuss alternate viewpoints. Not interested in blind denigrating.
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amother
Puce


 

Post Tue, Nov 29 2016, 4:27 pm
amother wrote:
I just feel like this entire thing is so ridiculous. Boys are going to think about girls and girls are going to think about boys. It's normal, it's natural, and if it were any other way there would be problems. Teaching children the importance of shomer negia and yichud is vital, and as is explaining to them why they shouldn't get involved at a young age. However, I'm really beginning to wonder if all the absurd restrictions we place are just that-absurd. Having mixed genders at the table is going to do what? Distract someone from eating? They'll live. It's not like you're encouraging them to date, they will talk at the table! Wow! How awful!! In the real world, boys and girls talk, no big deal unless you make it one.


I'm confused. Aren't you the op? If you're not concerned about boys and girls talking, what's the point of your original post?
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zohar




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 29 2016, 4:29 pm
To those who are saying that keeping these teens apart will ultimately backfire, I think you are misreading the situation. From what I understood from the op, they are not involved at all. I assume they don't call each other out hang out either. If that was the case, this would be a more sticky situation. This seems to be a case of just plain natural attraction/chemistry where these two teens naturally gravitate to each other and maybe even have a little crush. They likely aren't even looking to further the relationship, butt when they are together at a meal, they can't help themselves. This is why limiting their interactions should work perfectly well. They might not even notice it if they usually only get together a few times a year, but this can prevent a lot of heartache. If their feelings persist, in a few years, when they have matured a bit and are ready for marriage, they can go out properly.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 29 2016, 4:35 pm
amother wrote:
I'm confused. Aren't you the op? If you're not concerned about boys and girls talking, what's the point of your original post?


I think that a little bit, OP wants to have her cake and eat it. She wants to push the standards in the yeshivish circles that she's in, and she wants to make it work, somehow, but then when the results kick in, she doesn't like that either.

She wants some quick fix way of talking to her son and to the daughter of her friends, so that they won't push the boundaries when the family gets together.

These are precisely the reasons for gender separation OP. It may seem ridiculous to you, but it's how human nature works. You can have it only one way or the other. If you socialize, your children will socialize. If you're not okay with that, then you have to find ways to socialize without your children present.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 29 2016, 4:36 pm
zohar wrote:
To those who are saying that keeping these teens apart will ultimately backfire, I think you are misreading the situation. From what I understood from the op, they are not involved at all. I assume they don't call each other out hang out either. If that was the case, this would be a more sticky situation. This seems to be a case of just plain natural attraction/chemistry where these two teens naturally gravitate to each other and maybe even have a little crush. They likely aren't even looking to further the relationship, butt when they are together at a meal, they can't help themselves. This is why limiting their interactions should work perfectly well. They might not even notice it if they usually only get together a few times a year, but this can prevent a lot of heartache. If their feelings persist, in a few years, when they have matured a bit and are ready for marriage, they can go out properly.


I agree, well said.
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5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 29 2016, 4:39 pm
amother wrote:
I just feel like this entire thing is so ridiculous. Boys are going to think about girls and girls are going to think about boys. It's normal, it's natural, and if it were any other way there would be problems. Teaching children the importance of shomer negia and yichud is vital, and as is explaining to them why they shouldn't get involved at a young age. However, I'm really beginning to wonder if all the absurd restrictions we place are just that-absurd. Having mixed genders at the table is going to do what? Distract someone from eating? They'll live. It's not like you're encouraging them to date, they will talk at the table! Wow! How awful!! In the real world, boys and girls talk, no big deal unless you make it one.
OP, if you feel this way, why did you make it such a big deal? Scratching Head
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