Teenager W/ Baby Blanket

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Wheat

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 10:51 pm

I have an 18 year old daughter- she's smart, doesn't have any "issues" (developmental/social etc), gets great grades, etc...However, she has a baby blanket..which at this point isn't even a blanket as much as a ripped up piece of cloth which she carries all around the house with her. She doesn't take it in public but at home she walks around with it..
What should I do?

mommy3b2c

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 10:53 pm

Tell her she better stop !!! She can leave it on her bed and sleep with it if she wants.

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 11:11 pm

amother wrote:

Nothing.

She's not the first. She won't be the last.

My friend's son had blankie. He leyned with blankie in his pocket. Blankie is still on his bed, waiting for him to come home from college and reignite the bromance.

My DS2 has Doggie. Doggie is no longer recognizable as a dog. DS2 spent a year at yeshiva, but when he came home, Doggie came out of the drawer, particularly to watch football.

Its fine. She won't walk down the aisle with it. Or maybe she will, as part of a bouquet. Either way, she is fully functional and healthy. Don't worry.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 11:17 pm

Umm, I know people who have taken their childhood comfort objects to the hospital with them when they are in LABOR. And others who aren't that attached but still have them with them several years into marriage.

As long as she isn't dragging it along in social or professional settings, it's fine.

imasinger

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 11:24 pm

If it helps her, and isn't hurting anything, what's the issue?

When she's ready, she'll let it go.

redheaded

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 11:26 pm

I make my 2 year old keep it in her bed!

amother

Apricot

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 11:30 pm

It's one thing to keep it in her bed like a stuffed toy, but keeping with her at all times at home? walking around the house with it? that seems very odd.

Does she take it on sleepovers/to camp?

Blessing1

Mon, Nov 28 2016, 11:35 pm

18 years or 18 months? Sure sounds like an "issue" to me. Isn't she embarrassed?

Zehava

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 12:37 am

Don't make an issue out of it. Seriously. She's a legal adult. Leave her alone. May this be your and her biggest problem ever.

Iymnok

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 3:53 am

It's hard to grow up, even after thirty we still want to hold onto our childhood.
I used to suck my thumb. I stopped at age 8. In high school I was having a difficult time and I was not getting the support from my parents that I needed, so I curled up in my bed and sucked my thumb. I was 16 or 17!

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 4:00 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Tell her she better stop !!! She can leave it on her bed and sleep with it if she wants.

What for? Who cares? She probably won't get married with it. She'll be too ashamed in the beginning and then she'll be weaned off of it from not using it in the beginning.

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 4:10 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Tell her she better stop !!! She can leave it on her bed and sleep with it if she wants.

Huh??? She's 18!!! Chinuch is loong over. No chinuch when they're adults.

amother

Pearl

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 4:14 am

Don't take it away but maybe have a talk with her. She is clearly feeling insecure for some reason without it if she carries it around. Can it be she has anxiety, low self esteem, some kind of trauma in her past that needs to be worked through? Just guesses but please communicate with her and don't assume she is perfectly emotionally healthy.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 4:38 am

You can talk to her about her feelings, but everyone feels insecure sometimes. Some people have anxiety, which is a medical condition that has nothing to do with insecurity. A soothing object is a lot healthier than being on meds (heaven knows, I wish a blankie would work for me, and I wouldn't have to take so many medications.)

I'm 51, and I still sleep with a stuffed animal. Somehow, I've managed to live a full and productive life so far. My dad carries a "worry stone" in his pocket. Lots of kids keep a "fidget" on their belt buckle or back pack. It's well within the normal range of self soothing behavior.

Heck, some people smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day, or obsessively eat sunflower seeds. Some people can't stop chewing their nails or picking at their cuticles. Not ideal coping strategies, but hardly what you would call pathological.

OP, this should be the worst of your problems. Leave your daughter alone, she'll be fine. If you really HATE seeing her with a blanket, ask her if you can cut off a 4x4 inch square of it, and put it on a keychain for her. Maybe if she can just touch the fabric, that will be enough.

I just bought DD a jacket that is super soft and furry inside and out, that feels just like her blankie. Now she can wear it to school, where her anxiety is the worst. No one will ever know that she has it to help her feel better.

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 10:01 am

Frantic Frumie, you're the best. you posts are so awesome and fun to read and smart!!

I had a "something" till I got married. I am fully functional BH. never had emotional issues or anything. so my family teased me, it was worth it for the comfort I got from it. I got rid of it the day before my wedding. I still think of it all the time and miss it when I'm down or going through a rough patch. I often wish I would still have it.

leave your DD alone. she's doing well in her life, let her be. she'll overcome it, or not, in her own time.

amother

Sapphire

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 11:48 am

LOL I still have a teddy (or half teddy at this point). When I'm having a rough day, I take it to bed. Definitely comes to the hospital when I give birth.

HonesttoGod

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 1:03 pm

I know a mom who used to pick up her high school daughters from school and waited in the car sucking her thumb.
I know someone else who can only sleep with a certain tshirt either on or in her bed.

Its a comfort thing, leave her be.

amother

Pewter

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 1:09 pm

I have 2 friends who still sleep with a "blanky". I don't see it affecting either of them adversely at all. Both are successful business women who own their own companies. As long as it is in private I think it is fine.

One still has an actual blanket - her dh would really like her to give it up but she is married over 15 years and it isn't happening anymore (she is a with it attractive, smart, social woman - and still sucks her thumb in private).
Another doesn't have a blanket but sleeps with an article of clothing that has the same feel as what her blanket felt like.

sweetpotato

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 1:13 pm

Is it interfering with her daily activities? Ability to socialize with others? Does she otherwise have developmentally healthy coping and social/emotional skills for a young adult? Are there other red flags about her behavior that accompany this?

If none of the above are true, then let it be. It's her quirk. Most people have some form of slightly compulsive behavior they engage in in private, mainly for self-soothing, which is what this sounds like.

amother

Pink

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 1:16 pm

At 18, she's really not out of the norm to still have a comfort object. When I was in college, 3/5 randomly-assigned roommates had a lovey of some form (blanket or stuffed animal).

As for your concern that she'll get married with it, who cares? I still sleep with my baby blanket. Yup, even when I'm sharing a bed with my husband. The way I see it is this: everyone sleeps with blankets; if sleeping with one particular blanket improves her sleep quality, why wouldn't she use it?

In terms of carrying it around with her, I'm sure she'll adjust to her own comfort level as she's in different living situations. As others have said, may you and she be so lucky that this is one of your biggest problems.

(anonymous because friends would recognize me from this post and I don't want to out my username)

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