How do you manage to take days off for sick kids?!

amother

Silver

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 12:58 pm

I'm currently a stay at home mom, but I'm looking into joining the workforce soon. I haven't been back to work since having kids, and I'm just curious what do women do when their kids get sick? It's the time of the year that now my kids are getting sick from other kids at school. I just had to take both kids to the doctor and a week before that the other kid to the doctor...and keep them at home for some days..it's back and forth. So I'm just wondering how can you take days off from work? I'm hoping to be self-employed one day, so maybe being at home and working would work better.

Chayalle

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 1:07 pm

The company I work for allows for 10 sick days a year, and they allowed me to use sick days when I had to care for a sick child.

There were times when I was stretched really thin with those 10 days.....DH and I had lots of juggling to do when the kids were young.

For the past 13 years I work from home so it's been a different story.....

debsey

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 1:11 pm

Like Chayalle, one of the reasons I stopped working for someone else and started to work from home is exactly this. Even working from home, it can be a challenge. But it's much more do-able.

If you work for a firm that does flextime, it's a drop easier. I have an employee who has major childcare responsibilities (she has a chronically ill child) and I basically have a flextime arrangement with her. As long as a project is completed by X date, I don't care if she does it at 3 AM or 3 PM or from a doctor's waiting room. However, because she's not available consistently, I also can't offer her a full time job, or any project that would necessitate her being here or attending a lot of meetings.

It helps that she was my employee way before her kid got sick, so I know her, value her, and want to keep employing her. I'm sure an arrangement like that is harder to make coming in as a new employee.

thunderstorm

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 1:13 pm

It's one of the hardest struggles as a working mother. This is what I've done:

1 Worked remotely from home
2 Brought my child to work with me (not A Good idea but did enough times)
3 Had a babysitter take care of sick child
4 DH and I took turns each of us working half the day and the other half stayed home with sick child
5 Stayed home from work and used it as a paid personal day or just lost money that day
I always made it clear at an interview that I have children who may potentially get sick and what are the options. My bosses were all understanding and gracious about it.

singleagain

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 1:15 pm

I remember as a child when I was sick, my mom would take us to her parents who lived near her work... do you have any options to work near family... or possibly see if there is a daycare/babysitter nearby who will give you a per diem rate?

amother

Silver

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 2:24 pm

singleagain wrote:

I think that's great when family helps. Unfortunately, my family is in Israel and my husband's family is in a different state. I was thinking the only option would be the babysitter. My husband doesn't have so much flexibility as a teacher because he uses all of his personal days for the jewish holidays. I just feel weird to leave a sick child with a babysitter..and what about taking the child to the doctor?? I don't know how you working moms do it as a full time employee. I was thinking to start part time. But really, I can only see myself more as a self employer working at home while the kids are still small and getting sick all the time. (and what about all those school parties/school birthdays??)

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 2:36 pm

My most recent employers lump all your paid time off ("PTO") in one category. You don't need to specify whether you are taking a day off for vacation, sick time, etc. I think this is becoming more common.

A previous employer gave just so much sick time, and specified how much could be used for the care of a sick child.

Some jobs do not have any or very limited "time off" benefits, and you only get paid if you work.

Regardless of how it is classified, unscheduled absences can be problematic at work. If you have children who tend to get sick a lot, make sure you are looking for the sort of job that has some built-in flexibility - not a lot of strict deadlines or appointments, for example. You don't want your personal crisis to become a company crisis.

It is helpful to have a back-up plan if you think you will need to work while a child is sick, whether it is a friend/relative who will agree to do some childcare at times, or a sick child day care center.

thunderstorm

Tue, Nov 29 2016, 2:45 pm

amother wrote:

I schedule appointments to the doctor around work time. For example my doctor provides walk in hrs between 8:45 and 9:15 so I usually get to work a bit late or I schedule the appointment for after 5:00.
Also, there are various levels of sick. There is a contagious stomache virus, that's when I would stay home
There is a kid with strep he's contagious but feels ok, that child go to work with me or with DH or DH and I will take turns
I've had a kid with an ear infection etc. doesn't feel good enough to go to school but won't make others sick that's when I would send to a babysitter etc.
My mother didn't have family so when I got sick my neighbor next door took care of me. I would sleep on her couch etc.

HonesttoGod

Wed, Nov 30 2016, 7:46 am

When my kids were really young (up to about 16 months) I would bring them with me since they would sleep in the stroller most of the time.

Dr appointments and such I schedule out of my work hours (make sure your dr has extended hours and sunday hours).

Worst case I used one of my sick days or just took a day off with no pay to stay home. You gotta do what you gotta do. If the child was sick for more than 1 day then my husband and I took turns to stay home.

gold21

Wed, Nov 30 2016, 8:05 am

This is one of the great mysteries of working moms who don't have a very competent nanny in the home- I don't get how it works when the kids are sick, or off from school, unless you are blessed with very helpful family members. It's one of those things that don't make sense to me, but the world expects you to manage somehow.

(I don't have the type of work schedule where it's an issue B"H)

Orchid

Wed, Nov 30 2016, 10:20 am

When I worked at a job that separated "vacation time" from "sick days," we were allowed to use our "sick days" on our kids.

I currently work for a company that lumps all days off together as "PTO," which can be used at one's discretion, so have definitely used that for sick kids. When I didn't have enough PTO for my needs (my sickness, kids' sickness, yomim tovim), I asked, and received permission, to simply take unpaid time off.

iriska_meller

Wed, Nov 30 2016, 10:28 am

Not for acutely ill kids, but I have had my nanny take kids to well visits, scheduled tests, etc. Its not the best but it worked out alright.

I have switched my days off (offer to come in on Sunday instead).

If you work for a large enough organization and expect multiple days off (chronic issue) you can request FMLA - that way even if the days you take off are scattered, as long as they are approved as part of your FMLA leave they cannot call it absenteeism. When my mother was getting her cancer treatments I took 1-2 days off each week over a few months.

HonesttoGod

Wed, Nov 30 2016, 10:35 am

gold21 wrote:

You do realize that in this case one would have to pay for a nanny full time even if the kids are not necessarily home.
Or you can have a nanny "on call" but it doesn't mean that the nanny will always be available when you need.
Also nannys are expensive. I cut my hours at my office because it just wasn't worth it for me to pay the nanny so so much - wasn't worth those hours at work. Of course I am lucky tht my boss was lenient with me to do this but nannys are a luxury.

gold21

Wed, Nov 30 2016, 10:46 am

HonesttoGod wrote:

I do realize. Of course. I do not have a nanny (although a number of my friends do).

I totally agree with everything you wrote. I'm simply saying that I don't know how women do it without a very reliable backup person- in this case, a nanny. In my case, because I don't work long hours and I have a lot of flexibility.

amother

Pearl

Wed, Nov 30 2016, 12:46 pm

I just dealt with a sick kid this week. Honestly there's no good answer. DH isn't available, his schedule is worse than mine, I don't have a nanny, and although my siblings are very helpful I wouldn't send a sick kid to them because I don't want to get their kids sick.

Bh I have flexibility because I'm the Director of the department, but it also means that I can never take off fully, I worked from home and was answering emails the entire day, even from the doctor's office. Every time the kids get sick it's incredibly difficult for me, and I use almost all my off days for this. You have to be prepared for this when going back to work Sad

sky

Wed, Nov 30 2016, 1:39 pm

I don't know. I work from home. I don't know how mothers do it.

I wouldn't be able to use my PTO for sick kids. I need every single one of them for yomim tovim. It doesn't even scratch the surface of the scheduled days my kids have off. I"m not sure how PTO is a solution.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Nov 30 2016, 2:36 pm

It has been a major stress for me the last 10 years. I remember in the beginning, I would send my kids to school if they didn't have fever and by the afternoon, I would have to pick them up. Now they are bigger and they can stay home alone. Definitely less stressful but I do feel guilty when my son calls me during class that his fever went up to 103' and I can't just leave.

amother

Gray

Wed, Nov 30 2016, 2:53 pm

gold21 wrote:

It's a mystery even for us working moms. Ask any one of us. We don't know how we do it!
We juggle and rearrange the pieces and somehow make it through each day without real plans in place.
It's hard but part of being a working mom.
Once ever two weeks my MIL is off. Fridays mom is off. Once a week lady comes. Sometimes these are my backups. The other 3 days of the week are a mystery. Sometimes I need to take off. Sometimes dh needs to take off. Sometimes a friend is in a special caring mood. Sometimes I take PTO. Sometimes I take a cut in my paycheck. Sometimes I work at night or a Sunday or on a legal holiday to make up for the time off.
I rely on advice from the pediatrician of when the child is no longer contagious.
And I do the best I can. And I never know what's in store.
OP don't let this stop you from taking a job. I've been doing it for 15 years and somehow it happens.

amother

Smokey

Wed, Nov 30 2016, 7:07 pm

Its interesting that some women wrote they use sick days, or take child to work, or their bosses are understanding....

My boss is not understanding about anything --I have sick days but can't really use them because if I use all of them, the boss can say a person has excessive absence and can try to get rid of that person!!also my kids can not survive in my job if they are sick because they need to rest in bed or maybe throwing up or if its my baby he wont stay in one place --I won't get work done!!

I always ask people the same question op asked but never really got an answer. Most babysitters in my neighborhood will have been booked and drop offs dont want sick kids!!

My dh works evenings which is how we manage but my dh wants to switch to a better job during the day, I don't know what id do!!!

Most jobs rely on their workers to be there and can't have absences while other jobs like when I worked in an office getting paid "bubkus" it was easier to take off for sick kids and make up the work a different time.

Op, I hope you find a solution. My kids get sick a lot and I don't know how parents who both work full time in inflexible jobs manage unless they have a nanny or ????